Author Topic: N-family is rearing it's ugly head again  (Read 1353 times)

fraidycat

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N-family is rearing it's ugly head again
« on: December 28, 2012, 09:27:55 PM »
N-mom called after years of NC and invited me and my family out to dinner with the family. Most of my biological family are all N's except one brother who's coming for a visit with his fiancee. I really want to see my brother and his fiancee but don't want to be subjected to n-mom and siblings. The last time I talked to her was right before my son's graduation five years ago we hadn't spoken in years but she acted like there was nothing wrong and wanted to go. When I told her my husband would drop off the tickets for graduation she tried to get me to say I didn't want her there...I didn't take the bait. I had her on speaker phone and my husband was home. She called him and left a pathetic message saying I told her she couldn't come and he should not support any of my decisions because I was very, very sick! She cried and screamed that it was her grandson and by god she was going! I calmly called her back and told her she had been caught in another lie and my husband would drop off the tickets. He showed up with my daughter, she didn't want to let them in but my husband acted neutral and convinced her to let them in but never discussed what happened. After all that she never showed up for the graduation. I never told my brother about it.  She told my brother she's trying to mend fences before the wedding, I know she's just trying to suck me back in or make me look bad for not coming. I called him and explained that I am standing my ground on this and want nothing to do with any of them. He was understanding and wants to make a special trip over to see me. I feel so bad for putting him in the middle and I'm not sure how I'll get through the wedding with 4 N's.

mudpuppy

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Re: N-family is rearing it's ugly head again
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2012, 10:45:52 AM »
You didn't put him "in the middle".
Trying to carve a space of sanity out of the middle of their bizzaro world for you and your brother is not something to feel bad about; it's a good thing.
And since he agreed to it he seems to understand what you're doing.

mud

fraidycat

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Re: N-family is rearing it's ugly head again
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2012, 12:13:32 PM »
Thanks for putting in perspective Mudpuppy. I have to stop feeling guilty for looking out for myself. Some people may not understand but as long as i'm doing whats right for me and my family it shouldn't matter. My brother doesn't want to talk about the problems in the family but he knows there are many. He was worried that we wouldn't come to the wedding in September. I let him know we wouldn't miss it and asked him to seat me and my family at a different table for the reception. He was fine with that. I had to call N-mom to tell her we wouldn't be coming out to dinner tonight she seemed surprised that my husband didn't call but just kept saying "oh good, oh good" So I showed a little sarcasm and said " Is it good?.... Oh good! Bye Mom" I couldn't help myself hahha.

fraidycat

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Re: N-family is rearing it's ugly head again
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2012, 08:43:51 PM »
We didn't think they would show because we had a snow storm, they said sometime in the afternoon and would call first.The door bell rang at 4:45 (they forgot to call) we had a fun visit. It was great seeing them and watching my kids interact with them, they get along so well and we make a very entertaining group! Even though I wish we could talk openly I'm so glad I still have a little part of the family left.