My NM Died

[Bettyanne]

It has been six months now since my NM died.  Very mixed feelings in the past months.......yes, it feels good for the phone calls to have ended....and it was hard dealing with a woman who's life was about being constantly busy.  She had worked full-time for the past 85 years of her life and she was almost 101.  Life for her was about work and her volunteering at a local Catholic Shrine.  She lived as most N do living for praise.  So the nuns and priests praised her like she was a Saint!!.....since she died I see the nuns and priests and my NM had a lot in common.....a group of people looking for public support and praise!!
It is amazing now to see it just a little different, then when she was a live.  All of her so called friends.....and people she associated with lived in a kind of la la land.  I was not treated well by any of them once she had died.  Not one of these so called Christians asked if they could do anything or help with anything.....It was like I was the black sheep.  I wonder if these so called religious people are all fake??? My mother raised in over a 42 year period of every weekend raising money for them.....like closed to over $400,000 dollars.  She worked in a real estate office as a secretary.  Once her boss realized he was not POA of her will ......things changed.....I was not told this but figured it out!! My NM worked in this office for 49 years....he sent her no Flowers or offer any help of any kind...actually he went to Europe on a cruise.  I feel all of these people are weird and the funny part she lived her life to be with them.
Another strange thing happened like two weeks before my Mother died.....she changed in the way she talked to me.  She said I want you to do what you want and for me to be happy.....Holy S*** never in my life did she say anything like this....leaving me to not know how to feel about such statements....for 69 years I was treated like a second class citizen and for two weeks like she cared??s (she fell in the office and died 8 weeks later). 

[Twoapenny]

Betty, I'm sorry about your mum.  Whatever our relationships with our family members, I think someone passing is still difficult, not necessarily for the reasons some would expect but difficult none the less.  Sometimes I wonder if people sense they are dying and change their behaviour a little?  I've heard other people talk about changes in someone they've found difficult.  It's a shame they can't make the changes earlier, when they still have a life to live

My mum is surrounded by people who treat her like dirt (esp. her husband).  She repeats the same mistakes over and over.  In a way I am grateful to her, at least I've been able to see where she got it wrong and try not to do the same.  I don't think she's ever worked it out.

Be kind to yourself.  I think these things take a lot of time to work through.  Be nice to yourself, try and spend time with nice people.  It's hard working out who's genuine and who isn't - I still get it wrong sometimes.  It's very disappointing when you find people like your mum's work colleagues - try to avoid them.

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[BonesMS]

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[Hopalong]

I'm so glad she wished you happiness in the end, Bettyanne.
I can imagine your mixed feelings...but it's okay to grieve. N or not, you've lost your mother.

I hope that unexpected caring remark she made, and it sounds very genuine, proves healing in the long term, for you.

I had a moment like that with my Nmom, and it was. Remains a comfort that it happened.

With sympathy,
Hops

[fraidycat]

Bettyanne, I'm so sorry about your mother. I know how confusing it can be when you have normal feelings and are dealing with something so abnormal. Your mom's friends aren't like you, your real. Like birds of a feather she attracted people like her. I don't think all religious people are like that but some are.. she found them  because that's what she was looking for. It's no wonder you cant relate to them because they aren't kind loving people like yourself. I mourned my mother a long time ago, she's still alive. I hope you find the peace and love you deserve.

[Bettyanne]

 Like birds of a feather she attracted people like her!!!!!
This really hit home with me.  I think this answers, what I have been through with her so called friends. Actually a close friend of my NM's is now 103, her daughter is a friend of mine.  Her mother is a duplicate of my own, which makes so much sense.  This woman is so full of hate at the moment you wonder if this is what is keeping her alive.  So sad......for her daughter.
Twoapenny, how sad for your mother to be around people who don't treat her well!! But you benefited by her mistakes.....
Life is about learning.....
I think what I have learned from own mother.....is not to be like her......but to set boundaries and Love myself and in return to love others....but not to let others abuse me.....which is what my NM did to me. 

[fraidycat]

Life is about learning.....
I think what I have learned from my own mother.....is not to be like her......but to set boundaries and Love myself and in return to love others....but not to let others abuse me.....which is what my NM did to me.  Bettyanne~

Amen! Your mom may have appeared to be a spiritual person...she was just faking, you have it and so much more!

[cat]

Hi sweet Bettyanne.  My NM died a few years ago and I can relate to your comments about mom and her friends.  My mom did make a lot of friends - not as what I would call true friends - but friends who could DO things for her.  After several years, the friends would get tired and move on.  From the outside looking in - my sister and I wondered about all these friends.  She would bad mouth us to her friends - but in the end - after all was said and done - her friends were gone, but her daughters (no matter what she thought of us) remained.  At the end of her life, all her friends had been used and were gone.  Her funeral was attended by family members.  To me it's a cautionary tale - to be myself with my friends.  Love them.  Value them for what they are, not for what they bring. 

When all is said and done, as a Christian - I believe mom is in a much happier situation.  She's finally happy - when she never ever was happy here.  Just like everyone else on earth - Christian's can be little stinker's too and I'm so sorry for what you're experiencing. 

[Redhead Erin]

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[debkor]

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