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Voiceless at Work No More---Made A Change

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Leah:

Hi (((Sunblue))) so glad you have made a change.


With thanks to Hops, who wrote:

Calmly shutting off the computer and walking out of the office at the end of the day. Same time every day. If there's an unusual event that everybody needs to do overtime about, that's different, but be sure not to set yourself up as someone who's accustomed to being exploited (and who will eagerly exploit herself).

Alas, working over and above what is required really does send out the wrong message, especially when the employer knows someone has "Survived" abuse.

Speaking from experience.

Love to all,
Leah

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: sunblue on March 23, 2013, 10:33:07 AM ---Hi Twoapenny:

Thanks so much for your encouraging comments.  I think it's going to take a long while to put this behind me.  As usual, I struggle with the injustice of these situations.  Being essentially forced out instead of being able to move on to something better is hard.  I think I have done too much for others....and have invested too much in my jobs.  I've always frankly gone above and beyond at both...have sacrificed a lot.....Yet, in the end, I'm the one that gets betrayed or marginalized or in a bad place.  In my job situation, I know I was targeted as well as 2 others (1 was fired and 1 was forced out).  I have to start my new job this week and I am frankly dreading it.  I know I should focus on the fact that I actually have a job to go to....but I can't help dwelling on those things I've lost.  People keep telling me that I can keep looking for a job that is a better fit and I know that's true....but it seems I'm always finding myself in this boat.  I think I will look for a therapist...haven't been in many years.....but perhaps that will help me put this in perspective.

As for family.....well just such a disappointment.  I've realized that the brother I thought I had growing up never really existed.  He opted to cope by not just going LC with my N mom and Co-D dad but but me as well....yet I was always there for him and his family.  He just never wanted a relationship with me....well, except in a very limited capacity on his terms.

Anyway, I do appreciate your comments....more than I can say.  I will need all the support I can get as I face this next week.

You know, a while back I read somewhere that an author said that each of us, when born, is essentially assigned a "theme" for our life and that our job is to figure out what that is and resolve that issue.  For some it may be rejection or betrayal....others loneliness or selfishness.  These situations repeat themselves in our lives until we figure out how to resolve them.  Not sure if I'm ever gonna get there in this life.  LOL.....I guess we try to keep life in perspective and do our best......I'm going to try and set boundaries and try to define for myself a life where my entire identity isn't based on my career.....I think what's exasperating for me is I know I have the skill sets and experience and passion to do the work I want to do.....it just seems I'm always being kept from the opportunities to do it---either because of a bully or bad luck or something else.  Yet, I see others gliding through life being able to do all of that.  Oh well.....I guess that is life.

Thanks again Two......don't mean to sound like Debbie Downer today.  I just feel like I've come out the loser of a bad divorce and now facing a new life that I didn't really want.  I guess the trick is to make the best out of any circumstance that you're dealt. 

--- End quote ---

Sun I do hear what you are saying and it is so, so tough.  In my own situation various things have happened over the years - often to do with bullying/family/certain individuals that have deliberately derailed me - and I was shoved off the path I had worked so hard to make and into a sort of no mans land.  But I am starting to see - with hindsight - that what once looked like a massive step back was actually a step to the side and has put me on a path that has taken me much further forward than my original one would have.  So I'm really hoping that some years from now you'll be able to look back at this and see it as the time that your luck turned and things started happening differently for you.  Fingers crossed xxx

Hopalong:
Thanks, Leah...and HI! Welcome back!

Sun, the thing that just popped for me, is...if you do see a T and work with intention toward the goal of not becoming a sacrificial lamb nor a scapegoat in your new job, but just "do your work and then go home" -- perhaps for you, the opening, positive, hopeful part could be in NOT going directly home, but going instead to some new community activities that you have not done before. Art class, a volunteer thing, a positive church thing, a choir, a music thing, an exercise thing...

Whatever strikes you as having a little bit of "pull" may be something your whole, healthier self is going to be so grateful for a chance to experience.

And if you're leaving work, for a fuller life, then the identify-with-job habit will be loosened. Sounds as though the new job will be less engaging, and maybe that's actually a gift. Since this new chapter is going to be about experiementing with some new dimensions of yourself.

Perhaps there's a "gift within the problem" after all?

Hops

sunblue:
I just want to say thank you to everyone who posted comments and words of encouragement.  I can't say enough how appreciative I am.  Today (my first day on the new job) and this week, in particular, I will take your insights with me and remember to try and focus on the positive.

I do know that my N upbringing has contributed to my career difficulties.  My N mom always stressed work above anything else.  As an N, she only valued thoose with prestigous careers who made a lot of money.....and I for sure, never measured up.  I think I carry this "career" sense of failure along with my overall feeling of "lacking" into my current career situation.  I've always marveled at those who could look at thier job simply as a job, not the focus of their life.  I will need to work on boundaries and balance.

It's funny.  This weekend I had to console my N mom who was feeling regret about a past work situation.  She gave her whole life to her job (not her family) and in the end, she was betrayed  (like I've been).  Her betrayal may cost her what she prizes most (prestige and money).  And of course she can offer no empathy to me...conversation always turns back to her situation.

Thank you again.  I really appreciate your kind comments.  I give you all a "virtual" hug of gratitude.  Who knows?  Maybe this weekend I'll splurge and go to a movie or something non-work related! 

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