Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
OMG, how much lower can they go?
Twoapenny:
Oh Kathy, I understand completely how you feel and what you are saying, I was told a while ago that my mum was seriously ill and my first thought was relief that she might actually be gone for good.
I am just so sorry you are in this situation and probably going through all sorts of thoughts and emotions at the minute. Thinking of you and sending love (of the healthy and unconditional variety!) xxx
JustKathy:
Thanks Tup. You know, I thought when this day finally came that I would be overcome with mixed up emotions, but that hasn't happened. All I have felt is extreme relief, almost delight, in knowing that she's GONE from the face of the earth.
I probably feel like I do because she cried wolf for too many years leading up to this. I was first told about four years ago that she had an inoperable tumor on her heart, and had only a month to live. At that time, I was overcome with emotions, but months passed, then years, and it became clear that even if she DID have cancer, her prognosis was far better than she was letting on. She played the whole thing for attention, extreme theatrics, posting all over Internet chat boards that she was dying, the whole time looking and feeling fine. It reached a point where every time I received a letter from Co-F saying that she was dying and didn't have much time left, I shrugged it off and said, "Oh brother, not THAT again." When her time finally came, I was so burned out from all the drama that I just didn't care. Others in the family apparently started feeling the same way. People were just sick of the drama.
I've heard this same story from other people who have parents with NPD or other personality disorders. The person fakes an illness for so long, that when they finally do get sick, no one believes them, and they die alone. NM got the ending she deserved. Not a single tear will be shed.
I am a little stressed over what will come next. I know Co-F won't back down and will continue to try and guilt me. But the fact remains that the main event was NM's death, and neither one of them succeeded in getting a response from me. She died without the satisfaction of knowing she had gotten to me, so no matter how much Co-F guilts me from here on forward, the victory will always be mine. That's how I'm trying to look at it anyway.
Kathy
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: JustKathy on March 23, 2013, 04:15:12 PM ---DING DONG, THE WITCH IS DEAD!
It appears to be confirmed at this point. After 53 years of trying to ruin my birthday, she ended up giving me the best present of all. She freaking died on my birthday. Talk about poetic justice.
I found out this morning when I dropped by my dental office to talk to the nurse/friend who had fielded the original hospice call. She told me that my father had called her again yesterday to tell her and the dentist that NM had died. It looks like absolutely no one cares about her death, so he is desperately trying to find someone, anyone, who will give a crap and offer him sympathy. From what I can glean, only Co-F and my brainwashed sister were there at the end. As expected, the GC never showed, and my Aunt, who had been calling her a drama queen since this "four weeks to live" nonsense started, also didn't show. And of course, I didn't show. The last thing she saw was an empty room.
I really have to feel badly for hospice workers in cases like this. They know that when children are estranged from their parents there is a darned good reason for it, and they are left in the uncomfortable position of having to reach out on the dying person's request. My dental nurse said essentially the same thing to me this morning. Medical professionals know that children don't become estranged from parents without good reason, and that reason is almost always abuse.
As for my sister's email, I think the best response is no response. California is a "right of survivorship" state, meaning that my father retains all money and possessions. They had a joint will, and it was made clear that I'm not in it. Even if I were, they don't have anything that I want.
I wish I could celebrate the end of this nightmare, but I know it's not over. Co-F will continue to send guilt letters, and even if that stops, nothing can repair the emotional damage that these people inflicted over the years. I'll always be damaged goods. But at least I'll never receive another nasty note as a Christmas gift ever again. EVER.
HA! :mrgreen:
--- End quote ---
I hear ya, (((((((((((((((((((JustKathy))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) and I don't blame you one bit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: JustKathy on March 23, 2013, 09:13:02 PM ---Thanks Tup. You know, I thought when this day finally came that I would be overcome with mixed up emotions, but that hasn't happened. All I have felt is extreme relief, almost delight, in knowing that she's GONE from the face of the earth.
I probably feel like I do because she cried wolf for too many years leading up to this. I was first told about four years ago that she had an inoperable tumor on her heart, and had only a month to live. At that time, I was overcome with emotions, but months passed, then years, and it became clear that even if she DID have cancer, her prognosis was far better than she was letting on. She played the whole thing for attention, extreme theatrics, posting all over Internet chat boards that she was dying, the whole time looking and feeling fine. It reached a point where every time I received a letter from Co-F saying that she was dying and didn't have much time left, I shrugged it off and said, "Oh brother, not THAT again." When her time finally came, I was so burned out from all the drama that I just didn't care. Others in the family apparently started feeling the same way. People were just sick of the drama.
I've heard this same story from other people who have parents with NPD or other personality disorders. The person fakes an illness for so long, that when they finally do get sick, no one believes them, and they die alone. NM got the ending she deserved. Not a single tear will be shed.
I am a little stressed over what will come next. I know Co-F won't back down and will continue to try and guilt me. But the fact remains that the main event was NM's death, and neither one of them succeeded in getting a response from me. She died without the satisfaction of knowing she had gotten to me, so no matter how much Co-F guilts me from here on forward, the victory will always be mine. That's how I'm trying to look at it anyway.
Kathy
--- End quote ---
I do know what you mean, Kathy. People have asked me if I'll feel regret that I didn't make it up with my mum before she dies and the truth is my mum died a long time ago. I grieved for the mother I never had, for the mean, hateful, deceitful things she did to me, for the abuse I endured because of her and for the fact that no-one ever loved me as I was. It took me so many years to get some way past the feelings, tumbling as they do with no sense or order to them (and I'm still not there yet). I just hope that your dad leaves you in peace now (but understand you know that probably won't be the case). But I hope life becomes more peaceful for you soon xx
JustKathy:
--- Quote ---People have asked me if I'll feel regret that I didn't make it up with my mum before she dies and the truth is my mum died a long time ago.
--- End quote ---
Exactly! So perfectly said.
Lighter, I think you may have me confused for someone else. No new baby here (I'm way past that age). Just pets, though they are my babies. :)
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