Won attorney fees in custody trial

[Hopalong]

Skep,
Dunno if you want a thread for it, but just read your updated story.

OOF.

Just...OOF.
With much sympathy.

I can delete this or move it elsewhere if you like.

xo
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Eh... false alarm, Hops.
Only really "new" development is that bro is finally getting around to thinking spending his whole life in misery, while everyone around him is fighting, might not be such an inescapable "fate". That he really does have a choice. And since I'm well aware that Mom's sheer existence in the household, even after playing nanny for 14 years, is a good part of the problem; she wants to go "home"; and at 80 really needs some "back up"... I'll broach the idea of an assisted living place there, instead of all the way up in MI. Bro has been talking about wanting to go back, too. But I think he really means back in time...

Almost everything they remember - after 14 years - is either gone or so changed; they'd barely recognize it. Funny thing that; you don't even reckon with the passage of time when you're buried in self-misery or busy creating it through N-drama. Funny people... and I don't mean "humorous".

[lighter]

Oh, sKep:

I will be bouncing tactics off you; )

::going to look for update on sKep and grandchildren::

I hope you're doing OK, and you too, Tupp.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

I'm fine, Lighter... (momentary pause for hysterical laughter... hahahahahahahahaha!)

Phew. That's better. Check it out: Mom thinks there's some merit in the assisted living idea back home; but it's BRO who's going to have to dragged, screaming & kicking into the idea that Mom ain't gonna live forever... no WONDER SIL is a crazed harpie, right. Not so sure I wouldn't be, in that situation, too. God these people can be amusing, when I'm in my cynical, sarcastic, suffer no fools mode...

How are YOU?

[Hopalong]

Wow. That's huge (thanks Lighter for letting us do a SKep sub-thread here!)

I'm REALLY glad to hear your Mom, Skep, is opeinig to the idea of a move to assisted living.

Your bro will have to catch on when he catches on. He really doesn't get yet how he's
missing a bullet, does he?

(I still reminisce sometimes over the 10 years I lived with Mom and what a nightmare
cost it was.)

xo
Hops

[lighter]

I was very relieved to read your mom's considering the assisted living option, sKep.  Esp for your SIL's sake.  I bet just listening to the situation is like seeing a train wreck coming down the tracks......


you try to get yourself out of harms way, and batten down the hatches, but you know the fall out's going to be hard to avoid completely.

As for me, my mom's chemo stopped working.  We're awaiting biopsy results, with all traditional treatments at a stand still.   Our daily ablutions of nutritional and vibrational care are supplemented with as much laughter as can be mustered, which is the best of treatments, I think.  It's taken on the feeling of ritual care that's lovely and meaningful.

For everyone, in the way they need it to just......

be.

Almost got the Cyber School figured out, and am continuing to feel good about that choice.  I can be here for mom, plan labs, and travel without upsetting the children's regular school routine, which will be a blessing.   

I think. 

Right now the Ethics Complaints are on hold, which is the advice from another attorney explaining why I shouldn't do anything offensively in the legal system.  I'm told I don't want to be interpreted as a bully or sour grapes over the pending litigation

Ummmm..... me?  A bully for calling a bully out on being.....

a bully.

::nodding::

I think this dilemma is the same I was grappling with when I landed on this board.  How do you talk about what pd's are doing TO YOU, without being sullied by the words coming out of your mouth?  I'm not entirely sure it can be done, and I thought I'd about figured it out.  All very confusing to me, and taking a break to focus on more important issues, obviously.

Thanks for asking how I'm doing, sKep.  I'm hanging on, with hope, and lots of prayer. 

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Hey Lighter, I'm sorry to read about your mum.  I had no idea you were dealing with that along with everything else.  Sending love your way, I hope the news is positive and will be thinking of you all.

Fab news about the home ed.  We love it; I can't imagine doing anything else now.  Being able to set your own timetable, make the most of good weather, wander around museums and galleries on a quiet weekday, those things are just priceless.  Something else I love is that you meet a lot of retired people being out during the day.  They are often happy to chat and we've learnt so much from some of them, I think it's nice for them to be able to talk about things they know a lot about and we've certainly learnt a lot about nature and local history from chatting to people.  One chap we bump into quite regularly is ex Navy and he's told us so much about his sea days and Naval History.  What I really like is the healing aspect of all of this; you are in complete control (something many of us have never had) and in contact with nice people who are happy to give without demanding anything back.  It's a good experience.

I'm confused about the complaints as well!  Are you being told not to do it because it will make you look bad?  I'm astonished.  It is hard to talk about those sorts of things, I often find the victim is judged more harshly than the abuser, which is odd as well.

Hoping good things come your way, Lighter, you deserve them and I hope you find your path.  Lots of love xxx

[sKePTiKal]

Let me know if you need some cyber ed help, Light - my hubs SIL home-schooled; last one at home is 14 I think later this year. She's a little busy this summer, with the oldest D getting married in Sept. And from the techie side, I supported all that hardware, software stuff... and taught the faculty how to use it.    I'll warn ya tho - that professor hat jumps out and wraps itself around my head once I get into it. You'll have to tell me when to shut up; when you can't process any more information! LOL...

The mom thing... well... I know what it's like. Big hugs. You'll not regret the time or work involved nor all the laughter.

Hopsie... I already know that if the arrangements were already made (with my mom's approval), that a: there would a psychotic episode associated with moving to look forward to and b: happiness and bliss in the new digs would last a total of 6 weeks, before the bitching resumed. What's huge for me is that I don't care. LOL. I already know we can't win - if we define winning as making mom "happy". Ain't never gonna happen. Two year olds are easier to keep in that range, than my mom is. It doesn't matter anymore to me.

I would have to explain to the staff that mom is.... "difficult"; to put it mildly. I'd have to be specific. I'd have to warn them about specific things.

Which gets back around to what Lighter was saying: what kind of world is this, when you can't accuse a bully of being a bully -- without being accused of doing the same thing?? I believe there's a way through that - one that allows a person to keep their dignity, yet speak very clearly to the issues and the facts, and by simple contrast - doesn't require elaborate explanations or histories; reality is apparent to all with eyes and even a basic understanding of human nature. (Now, getting one's head to that place - LOL - THAT's a mystery!! I know it can be done; I don't know how it's done... even tho' I've had a few moments close to it.)

[Hopalong]

reality is apparent to all with eyes and even a basic understanding of human nature

Hear, hear.

Wiser words never spoken.

I'm glad you have that pragmatic, reality-is-reality attitude toward all this, PR.
It's going to save you so much grief.

Lighter, I too am so very sorry about your Mom. Much support, comfort.
That is a very hard chapter, for her and for you...please keep on posting.

love
Hops

[lighter]

 (Now, getting one's head to that place - LOL - THAT's a mystery!! I know it can be done; I don't know how it's done... even tho' I've had a few moments close to it.)

Skep:  Thanks for the offer of support with homeschooling.  I'm so ready to focus on that, and hopefully very soon I can.  Right now Mom's appt at MD Anderson was moved up to first of August from 7th.  That's great news.  They're the ones with ability to test for specific cancer information and create targeted cocktail since we now understand we're dealing with more than one type of cancer in one organ.  Also, MD Anderson is very interested in her case....... all seems hopeful.

I want to say the vibrational therapy has given mom the best sleep she's ever had in her life, and it's the nicest attempt at meditation I've ever made a run at.  

As for the complaints against the attorney.... it was said a factual, on point complaint, sans emotion, would be viewed as "sour grapes."I also don't want to end up answering a bunch of questions up on the stand about the complaint if this custody thing had to go back to trial again.  

You can imagine how much confusion that might create, a bit harder to keep emotions under wraps while being poked under pressure, but......

NOT filing does nothing to back down the machine working against me either.  THAT's the goal.  To stop the madness right now.  It's maddening to have to always sit back, and let things unfold without addressing the ethics violations that landed us so deeply mired in whatever it is we're in.  It's maddening to always be reacting (which is never proactive), and never officially be proactive in ways that.... eh.  It always turns into a circular conversation. Chaos and confusion rule, just like the pd's plan and carry out.  

::shaking head::

I'll look at it this way..... there's a reason for not filing now.  I just don't know what it is.  I'll understand later on.   The goal was to shorten my struggle, not punish the PD's, but if that's all that's accomplished when this shakes out, then I'll just have to see how I feel about it then.  Oh heck, this isn't about vengeance, if it doesn't shorten my struggle, the these complaints will be added to others, or lay foundation for those that follow.     

I guess I know in my soul that attempts to minimize the time, money, trauma equation rare work with pd's, if ever.

Tupp:  I love the idea of wondering about museums and chatting up wise retired spirits.  I've always been one to ask questions like "What would you change if you could go back and do something different?" of elderly folks waiting for a table at crowded restaurants, and such.  I want to hear the lessons they've learned, and learn from them too.  Thanks for all the good thoughts and ideas.  So glad to hear you and your son are enjoying yourselves.

Hops:

Thanks for the kind thoughts.  I really appreciate the support and fellowship I've found here.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

This might not help, but in some situations it does work to minimize the N-effect on my own life. (They are still really annoying to me.)

I find if I can change the way I react enough then, the usual N-game is interrupted. For instance, I will let myself have a few moments of recognizing and experiencing how insane, arrogant, idiotic, or (fill in the blank) something is. But I won't let on, that I'm "going there" for a second. Then, I come back at them with something completely unexpected - either a question asking them - but how do YOU FEEL about that (not think), a compassionate pat on the head, or if it requires an action on my part... I look for the creative, the unexpected, the kind of action that doesn't keep the cause & effect game going.

It helps keep me on my toes, and there have been some hilarious "upsets"... because the whole power trip of an N, is to be the cause of emotional turmoil in others. When I'm clear enough to "not play" by the N-rules and play by my own rules... well, then they usually say "nevermind" and runaway pretty fast. I have to be clear that only I "own" me; and only I choose the rules I live by -- and those don't involve these kinds of emotional, legal, power-tripping, "control" over others. I want to be allowed to self-determine my self and life and have an expectation of others that they will do the same.

N's obviously are dependent on those times, when they can get that momentary, satisfying turmoil reaction out of someone for no good reason than their own malevolent sick pleasure.

[lighter]

sKep:

I'm not in quite the same boat as you regarding the poke/react cycle your pd's get to play with you. 

I typically get to think responses through in private, and put together the best possible response with the benefit of valued advice from kind legal and psych experts who gift me their time.  I also get pragmatic advice of those who have walked similar paths. 

I have to say the pd's have landed themselves in the unenviable position of responding, without forethought, to pokes from our side in a public forum.  It's been interesting to see their altered reality fall apart under the light of a courtroom......

just like Brother Mud, who's a few years ahead of me in the legal struggle department, said it would. 

CB,  I hope you'll stay on the board.  I've missed your strong sage voice, and it's comforting to know you're back while I navigate my mother's health crisis. 

I always say this, but....

I really missed you.

Tupp, I have a good feeling about things working out OK for you and me.  We're almost at the end.

Hops, thanks for making me feel heard, and reminding me I can come here when things get rough.

Lighter