Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
I would like your advice on a situation regarding helping someone.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Green Bean on November 08, 2013, 10:04:52 AM ---I'm rather harsh at this point in life. I think people are on the road of life alone and under random conditions. I would say if she survives then she does and if she doesn't then she doesn't
I don't honesty think there is a lot you can do unless you offer to adopt her, spend a lot of time managing her time and then pay for her to go to college where she is likely to change her mind or even drop out.
I met a prostitute who was studying to be a therapist. There is a cliché saying that people become therapists to work out their own issues.
If it makes you feel any better I have read in more than one source that the majority of people who threaten to commit suicide don't. Though I am not sure how long those people were followed up with.
Who doesn't sometimes think about ending it all? It's very common thought for people to have.
My advice would be to do things which make you and your son healthy and happy-- and let the rest of the world figure it out for themselves.
There are many people all over the world who have problems. Many people in bad situations.
I think a young person's life has so much to do with their immediate 3-D surroundings. I mean if you like this kind of thing there are those big-sister-big-brother mentor programs but it's in 3-D.
If I were you I would let it go and find something else to focus on.
I lived with a bulimic 24 year old, at one point I started crying just because her situation was so sad. There was nothing I could do, I talked with her but that did not change anything at all. There is not even anything that the social workers/therapist she was seeing could do for her. She would have to be enrolled in some kind of expensive in-patient program that isn't covered by her Medicaid/medicare whatever she has. In the end I think many solutions come down to money and social status. She attended a church they couldn't/wouldn't do anything.
I think life is a selfish experience and all people can hope to do is improve their own plight.
There are many solutions to life's problems. But the solutions are not free and are not accessible to every person. There is competition for solutions. State of the art medical interventions, private schools versus public schools, zip codes. Ethnicity and scholarships.
To be the right person at the right place at the right time requires generations of planning or just dumb luck.
--- End quote ---
Yep, there is nothing in there that I disagree with, Green!
I think helping people is part of what makes me happy, though. I've had a lot of issues with co-dependency, which I'm working on, but I think part of what makes me tick is a desire to give out kindness and help others (although not at the expense of helping myself, as it has been in the past). And I have a kind of 'pay it forward' way of thinking when it comes to my son. He'll be reliant on the kindness of others throughout his life and I have a sort of 'treat others as I want him to be treated' thing in my head - again, not at the expense of 'the here and now' but, I don't know, there's something about vulnerable people that does really light my fire.
I think the point I've got to now is wondering whether I should just limit what I do with this young lady to a sort of platitude giving thing (sympathy, cyber hugs but no advice) or to encourage her to seek proper help elsewhere (which may make her feel like I don't want to help her anymore and make her worse, or it maybe that once she gets the right sort of help none of this will be an issue anymore anyway).
The training to be a therapist thing is interesting; it makes me wonder why people want to learn about therapy
Twoapenny:
Sorry, the screen locked again and I had to post to clear it!
I'm wondering why people want to learn about therapy but don't want to do it themselves? It seems a funny way of going around things to me.
I'm wondering at this point if I should make one last suggestion, which would be that she starts seeing a psychotherapist in order to clear out the stuff she needs to before she can train to become one. And from that point offer friendly support but not make any more suggestions?
BonesMS:
(((((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))
I can see all kinds of facets with this situation. What complicates it even more is that, legally, this child is still a minor and her parents have the final say as to what she can be permitted to do. I've dealt with similar situations as a hotline counselor and have worked with similar situations, face-to-face, as an employee at a residential school for the Deaf. It is NOT an easy thing to deal with and I HEAR YOU!
I've also been in that child's place, growing up, and have had the experience of one kind woman who took me under her wing when I needed a mother. We kinda, sort of, adopted each other because she was the kind of mother I needed, BADLY, and I was the child she always wanted. I was able to benefit from her maternal love from the age of 10 to the age of 14 when she died suddenly. (Long story.) Maybe that is what this kid needs....some kind of maternal love that she is clearly NOT getting at home.
I have to think some more before I can find the right words to verbalize what I'm seeing in my mind.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: BonesMS on November 08, 2013, 11:56:57 AM ---(((((((((((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))))
I can see all kinds of facets with this situation. What complicates it even more is that, legally, this child is still a minor and her parents have the final say as to what she can be permitted to do. I've dealt with similar situations as a hotline counselor and have worked with similar situations, face-to-face, as an employee at a residential school for the Deaf. It is NOT an easy thing to deal with and I HEAR YOU!
I've also been in that child's place, growing up, and have had the experience of one kind woman who took me under her wing when I needed a mother. We kinda, sort of, adopted each other because she was the kind of mother I needed, BADLY, and I was the child she always wanted. I was able to benefit from her maternal love from the age of 10 to the age of 14 when she died suddenly. (Long story.) Maybe that is what this kid needs....some kind of maternal love that she is clearly NOT getting at home.
I have to think some more before I can find the right words to verbalize what I'm seeing in my mind.
--- End quote ---
Yes, this is the thing, I've been on both sides of the situation myself. She's told me I feel like a surrogate mum to her because her own mum just doesn't care. I can identify so strongly with that. But at the same time I've been so careful about what I say because she's technically a child and I am an unknown on the internet. So trying to balance that line between caring and not over stepping the mark has been hard and I do feel that I'm in over my head now and, for that reason, possibly not actually helping her out. She's feeling well again at the moment, the awful suicidal episode has passed again. I know myself that in those well periods I'd convince myself it was all fine, then when those crashes hit there's no plan, no support, nothing's in place because once it lifts you feel like you can cope again and don't make any of the necessary arrangements.
BonesMS:
I'm hoping Dr. G can weigh in, soon, so we can have his perspective on this as a professional therapist. You and I have basically functioned as crisis interventionists, which is WAY different from being a professional therapist.
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