Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Just when you thought it was safe .............................
Meh:
I think we all just stated our Spring time resolutions :)
Twoapenny:
Well the physical clearing out has been going well, emotionally I'm in bits at the minute, I know it's good to let it all out but it's so tiring and unpleasant when it's happening! It's not even my mum that I'm upset about; I miss my dad terribly at times like this and I can't escape the awful sense of knowing that around thirty people could have stepped in and done something and nobody did.
I took my son to my dad's grave yesterday and what struck me as we got out of the car was that I'd spent more time talking to my son about my dad and explaining about what happens when someone dies in order to prep him for taking some flowers there than my mum did when we were going to my dad's funeral. How does someone take their kids to bury their dad and not bother to have even a little chat with them about it before they go? I don't remember a single person hugging or touching me on that day; my mum was outside after the funeral wailing (this is bearing in mind she'd thrown him out six months before and they were almost divorced, just waiting for the final paperwork) and everyone was either circled around her or standing to one side ignoring the whole thing. My sister and I were standing on our own watching everything happen. We were six and eight. What is wrong with these people? Even given the way raising kids changes from one generation to the next how can human beings stand beside kids who've just lost their dad and not just give them some sort of comfort or acknowledgement? Even on the day we buried him she made sure all eyes were on her. Surely someone should have bothered with us?!
Hopalong:
Wow. What a vivid description of a pure N-display, Tupp.
How awful for you. I am so sorry you didn't have that basic kindness and comfort.
Reminds me of when I was in an accident, with damage to my face.
When my Dad brought me back from the emergency room with stitches and bandages, Nmom took one look and said, "I can't handle this!" and fled. (Errrr...I was feeling a bit traumatized. But no, it was HER trauma, all about her...no comforting on the menu...). But I had my good Dad, and I was 18.
I'd multiply that feeling I had by 1000, to even guess how it felt for you and your brother standing there, neglected.
:(
Hops
lighter:
I don't know what was wrong with all the Aunts, and Uncles, and Clergy......
it seems so odd that such young children should be left to stand there, on their own, and soldier up alone.
I'm so sorry your FOO failed you so profoundly, on so many levels.
Not just with your father's death, and the funeral, but in every other way they failed you.
(((((cyber hug to young Tupp and sister at father's funeral))))
You're a good mama, Tupp. Your son is lucky to have such a wonderful advocate.
::nodding::
lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on February 25, 2014, 07:33:34 AM ---Wow. What a vivid description of a pure N-display, Tupp.
How awful for you. I am so sorry you didn't have that basic kindness and comfort.
Reminds me of when I was in an accident, with damage to my face.
When my Dad brought me back from the emergency room with stitches and bandages, Nmom took one look and said, "I can't handle this!" and fled. (Errrr...I was feeling a bit traumatized. But no, it was HER trauma, all about her...no comforting on the menu...). But I had my good Dad, and I was 18.
I'd multiply that feeling I had by 1000, to even guess how it felt for you and your brother standing there, neglected.
:(
Hops
Thanks, Hops. I'm sorry that your mum wasn't able to comfort you, either. I can't get my head around someone seeing someone they love injured like that and not responding with at least some sympathy? I hope the injuries cleared up quickly; injuring your face is horrible but at 18 it must have been scary to wonder whether it would heal or not? I'm glad your dad was there for you. It's funny how you can get a nice one married to a not so nice one?
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