Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Stepping Into The Unknown
Hopalong:
If she's not doing anything new or currently-damaging to you or your boy,
is it worth it?
On the other hand, if she IS (and it's very clear), why not? Subtle stuff
that can be argued away, probably not. But overt false reports and stuff
like that...maybe yes.
I wish "gaslighting" were a criminal offense, or even a misdemeanor...
but I think you have to legally prove stalking, or threat, for police help.
For libel or more difficult to characterize behavior, lawyers...ugh.
xo
Hops
lighter:
Tupp:
I'm in same boat with these decisions.
Can you change your name, and leave that part of the country?
Lighter
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on May 07, 2014, 01:01:45 PM ---
--- Quote from: BonesMS on April 25, 2014, 07:40:26 AM ---
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on April 24, 2014, 04:31:03 PM ---
--- Quote from: BonesMS on April 24, 2014, 06:49:55 AM ---(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Thanks, Bonesie (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Had a callback from a solicitor who thinks they might be able to help. We didn't both have a free time at the same time this week so will speak to them next week. Am going round in circles a bit trying to find a way to stop my mum - I think the problem is such an unusual one that it doesn't fit into any categories and the organisations I've approached so far didn't really know what to suggest. Haven't had definite no's yet but no definite 'yes' from anyone either. If the worst comes to the worst I can always stack all the paperwork against her front door so she can't get out the house :) Have a counselling appointment at a sexual abuse clinic tomorrow. Not sure if that's going to help or hinder at the moment!
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm standing with you and there is strength in numbers!
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Thanks, Bones! (((((((((((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
So far - nothing's happened! Appointment at the sexual abuse clinic went well and therapist was lovely but there's an eight month wait to be seen so I'm now on the list. Haven't heard back from any of the sols I contacted yet.
Am having some thoughts about going to the police and/or getting an injunction against my mum.
At the moment, life is good. We are happier and in a better position than we have been for a very long time. If the police take action against her, it will be stressful. If they don't, it will be stressful. If I go for an injunction and fail I think she will come back harder. If we get an injunction I imagine she can get round it by making anonyomous calls from phone boxes - they wouldn't be able to prove it was her and so wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I think anything to do with her will be stressful, so my thinking at the minute is how much stress is it worth taking? Trying to weigh up the pros and cons of either trying to take action against her or assigning it all to our past and leaving it there.
i don't have to make a decision about any of it within any sort of time frame so I'm just going to let it whirl around my head until I feel I know what I want to do.
--- End quote ---
Just for today...........
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on May 07, 2014, 04:55:51 PM ---If she's not doing anything new or currently-damaging to you or your boy,
is it worth it?
On the other hand, if she IS (and it's very clear), why not? Subtle stuff
that can be argued away, probably not. But overt false reports and stuff
like that...maybe yes.
I wish "gaslighting" were a criminal offense, or even a misdemeanor...
but I think you have to legally prove stalking, or threat, for police help.
For libel or more difficult to characterize behavior, lawyers...ugh.
xo
Hi Hopsie,
That's exactly what I keep thinking. On a practical level I'm not sure there's much more she can do now - I think she's tried pretty much everything and, whilst it has caused a lot of problems, stress, hassle etc, she hasn't 'won' in the sense that I've been able to prove she was lying. I'm not sure there are any more public sector agencies she can go to. Plus I've bombarded everyone we're involved with with info on the situation so they're aware.
I think what keeps going through my mind is I wonder if I owe it to my son to try? But equally I'm aware that I have that thing because no-one ever tried to protect me when I was a child, perhaps I'm doing too much trying to protect him? Trying to right the wrongs of the past, as it were. And of course, when I'm focusing time, attention and money on her then I'm not focusing it on him. There have been times when that was necessary. Not sure now if that's the case.
As I say, I don't have to make any decisions quickly, there's nothing pressing that I need to address so I'm hoping that my gut will guide me - our instincts usually give us the right answer, don't they?
One thing I have noticed - which I wasn't prepared for - is that I realised I don't actually want to see her punished - it wouldn't make me feel good. If I took an action and it were successful then it would mean something being done to her - she'd have to spend a lot of money fighting it, she might even get a prison sentence if the courts decided to make an example of her. I know she's never given a monkey's about the damage she's done to us but I wouldn't feel good about seeing damage done to her, if you know what I mean? Again, I don't know if that's a 'she's my mum, I daren't go against her' or a grown up Tup saying "okay, it was bad but I've dealt with it, we're fine and it won't give me any pleasure to see you squirm". So no decisions made yet! Will keep thinking it through and talking it over :)
Thank you! xx
Hops
--- End quote ---
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on May 07, 2014, 08:57:27 PM ---Tupp:
I'm in same boat with these decisions.
Can you change your name, and leave that part of the country?
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Hi Lighter,
I know, your situation makes me think about mine from a different perspective sometimes. Part of me wonders now if I took action and lost would she come after me for visitation rights? Or custody?? It's all those unknowns, isn't it, that you have no control over but that have huge control over you. Very tricky situations to deal with. So tiring.
I could change my name and move, but I don't want to. That's the stubborn Irish pride in me. I love my name! And I've got some nice friends where we live at the moment. We will move at some point but I want to do it when it's good for us. I think it annoys her more to have me living across the road and everyone seeing how well we're doing.
What is going on with your situation now?
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