Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Feeling like the last resort.............................
BonesMS:
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Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: BonesMS on May 24, 2014, 05:56:18 AM ---(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Thanks Bones :) ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm going to ramble a bit now because thoughts keep mooching around in my head and I'm not making proper sense of them yet. But some of you might identify with some of it?
I had a really nice afternoon yesterday with some people I don't know very well! What struck me when I was thinking about it last night was that they were very ordinary. I don't think I usually do ordinary? I tend to focus, I think, on people who aren't ordinary and I either think they're amazing or I think they're awful. I don't seem to really have a middle ground of 'yep, that person's nice, goes on about such and such a bit but that's fine'. So I think I need to keep that in mind and work on it a bit. Ordinary - chit chat about day to day stuff, kids, weather, jobs etc and it doesn't matter if there's no big earthquake type feeling attached to someone - that's what ordinary is. I think?
The other thing that struck me is how I spend a lot more time thinking about people who don't contact me than people who do. I really need to shift my thinking on that one because that is just daft and that really is a case of me giving my brain a good talking to and not letting it just do what it likes!
I also realised that I've really been judging myself on how popular I am (or not) and what sort of person that makes me. I feel like lots of friends means I'm okay and not many means there's something wrong with me. Obviously that's silly so I need to work on that as well.
Anyway, that's all my rambling for now, thanks for giving me the space to ramble on!
BonesMS:
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Gaining Strength:
Twoapenny - do you think the people who call you during the week are calling married friends on the weekends? Being single I find that true so often. Last weekend a friend who I haven't seen much of asked if my child and I could get together for dinner with her child and her. Then late in the afternoon she texted me and said her husband had changed his plans and would be home so we would have to do it another time.
Another friend only asks us to do things if her husband isn't involved as well. When he is, she asks two parent families to join them. I figured that out years ago but I have to say this past weekend (Memorial Day here) it was a very, very lonely time as my friends were all busy with cookouts and trips to the lake and beach with friends and not one invitation for us.
I think I feel the sting especially because when I was married we always made an effort to include people who were single.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Gaining Strength on May 29, 2014, 10:16:35 AM ---Twoapenny - do you think the people who call you during the week are calling married friends on the weekends? Being single I find that true so often. Last weekend a friend who I haven't seen much of asked if my child and I could get together for dinner with her child and her. Then late in the afternoon she texted me and said her husband had changed his plans and would be home so we would have to do it another time.
Another friend only asks us to do things if her husband isn't involved as well. When he is, she asks two parent families to join them. I figured that out years ago but I have to say this past weekend (Memorial Day here) it was a very, very lonely time as my friends were all busy with cookouts and trips to the lake and beach with friends and not one invitation for us.
I think I feel the sting especially because when I was married we always made an effort to include people who were single.
--- End quote ---
Oh gosh, GS, yes, definitely! So many of my friends organise their lives around their husbands so there's time for me during the day when hubbie's at work but evenings and weekends are kept for them. I completely understand that couples need and want time together but I feel that friends would want to see and speak to you whenever's mutually convenient whereas people who are filling time will do it when it suits them. I'm like you, when I'm arranging things I always make sure people don't get left out but it seems not everyone is like that!
I did realise that I have made a rod for my own back though by being available during the day. So I've stopped that this week and am only using the phone in the evening or at the weekend, it does feel better already. Maybe just because of taking back a bit of control instead of feeling I'm just there for everyone else?
I'm sorry your friend let you down over that dinner. I think it's rude to cancel a plan unless it's an emergency, I just wouldn't do that unless I really had to. I find the 'special' days hard but it is getting easier as the years go on. I hope that some more thoughtful people start to come your way :)
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