Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Still need to work through early trauma
Gaining Strength:
You find great pieces of film and literature Ann. I'll look into it. I. Dying to see The Heiress as well.
I have wondered if it was my mother's death or the horrific, relentless sabotages and slander done by my brothers at the end of her life and afterward that set things in motion for me. I know that I was slightly aware during her life for an indescribable longing for her to come clean at the end of her life, but she didn't.
ann3:
Thanks for saying that, GS. I only mention books & movies if I feel they're helpful.
--- Quote ---I have wondered if it was my mother's death or the horrific, relentless sabotages and slander done by my brothers at the end of her life and afterward that set things in motion for me.
--- End quote ---
Could be; from what I've read, the death of the 2nd N parent is a catalyst & it put me on the road to freedom.
--- Quote ---I was slightly aware during her life for an indescribable longing for her to come clean at the end of her life, but she didn't.
--- End quote ---
Me too. It's a kick in the gut. No closure, no Hallmark made-for-TV-movie ending. I was left with a tangled web of sh*t, which I spent years in & out of therapy, trying to detangle, just to understand what happened & how to move on. Oh well, that's how it goes. But, you are now detangling & journeying towards clarity & freedom. YAY! :D
Gaining Strength:
When my father died I was half expecting the deathbed sorrowful accounting. No such thing. That left me less expectant concerning my mother but nonetheless I hoped for something. Cest la vie.
Now I'm free and really free because am totally unencumbered by my brothers. Should I never see or hear about them again it will be perfectly fine. That has been a real freedom, cutting that hope of reconciling, being family, all that pretence from them and their wives - "we love you." On the rare occasion I saw them at my mother's.
Onward and upward.
Gaining Strength:
I figured something out this evening that is helpful.
My house is my greatest shaming thing in this world. No wonder sitting in this place is debilitating. I'm going to try going out and coming back to work on projects. If I could find a place to stay even better though not likely. But having figured this out is a big help.
Gaining Strength:
A friend came and helped me clean today. I am I. So deep. So much is broken and in need of repair. She talked me into calling the AC repair person. It is so hard to have workmen come in as the place is I such disrepair. But I did it. I am 1 hour in on a 2 hour window. The longer it takes the colder my feet get but I am going to dig deep and hang in there.
I have to say it is hard to dig out.
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