Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voiceless in the doctor's office
Worn:
Excellent way to answer him. And good point about the changing environment of medicine. I have no doubt the environment my previous Dr was in contributed to their behavior. She was burnt out. I really wish, and it's not too late (it's been a little over 2 years but I was a patient for 10) that I had sent my doc a letter when I left. Your post made me think of several reasons why:
1. Maybe they would learn from it and it might help when they're interacting with their next patient. Someone in a similar position to mine. I bet they rarely if ever get feedback from patients about how their ways of interacting with people are toxic. Of course they may take my feedback and shove it but that brings me to...
2. I would at least get to have my say. I could give a voice to how I wanted to respond to the situation. Not pressured by time. Able to really think over my response. Instead of trying to react in an emotion filled situation. I would have time to think thoroughly about why this crossed boundaries and was not an acceptable way to treat me.
3. I have a relationship with this doctor. After ten years of her for the most part being a great doctor, I owe her an explanation of why I'm leaving. She's a good person, she's just not the right person to be my doctor.
I have an appointment with my current pcp tomorrow. We've talked about how when I tell him how I'm doing I know there's probably not much he can do about it, but I want him to document it anyway. I may bring up a version of what you said here, that it's OK for doctors to say the following:
"‘I know your quality of life is diminished, and I wish there were something I could do to help, but unfortunately, there isn’t.’ Such a statement is the polar opposite of anger and insult.”"
I think that statement may make some doctors very uncomfortable. They've put in all these years of study and they don't have anything they can do for someone. They want to help, that's why they're there, but they're helpless. That can be hard to handle when you're the guy that's supposed to have all the answers.
ann3:
Dr. G,
I am so sorry to hear you are suffering. You've done so much good for others, so it saddens me even more. Maybe try alternative therapies, like acupuncture?
You are such a Gentleman for writing the PCP such a reasonable, rational note. It's his loss & your gain. I hope you find a caregiver who's really wonderful and who will help you to feel better. And, if ya need some sympathy & some atta boys, why not post here? I think you're pretty well loved here.
I know I'm crossing threads, but this is beautifully written &, IMO, worthy of a (your?) book; if you want, maybe just change some names. I like the narrator's voice:
--- Quote ---At least in my neck of the woods (the Harvard Medical School system), many doctors went into the profession and ended up here in small part to help people, but in large part because of the status. I was naïve enough in my 20’s to believe that the Harvard Medical School system was where the smartest doctors/health professionals in the world were. What I found was a world dominated by narcissism and politics. I was told repeatedly while I was on staff and teaching at Mass. General Hospital that I had to play the game. LOL, my genes would never allow it—my daughter is exactly the same way. So was my mother (my mother almost did not graduate Barnard College because she refused to meet the silly gym requirement.) The last time I questioned the dominance of politics over all else, my MGH unit chief said “Welcome to the adult world,” and I said, via subtext: “Not my adult world.” I quit—and disappeared (in my work life) to my moldy basement—a tiny space that ultimately became filled with love, attachment, and real people. (OK, the occasional spider would bow and scrape…) Who could ask for a better world?!!!
--- End quote ---
Dr. Richard Grossman:
Teartracks: “Makes me recall your play "Room With Maintenance", Dr. G. “
In your next career, teartracks, if you’re not doing it already, you could be a literature professor! Yes, that is a play about me and what I have been through, pain-wise, the past decade plus all the concurrent maintenance I’ve had to do on an 1895 2-family Victorian. The carpenter wasn’t based on my internist/PCP, however—the character was modeled, in part, on a surgeon who enthusiastically recommended cutting out a part of me, telling me I’d feel much better.
This winter, with record-breaking snow, ice dams, leaks throughout the house, doors that were frozen shut, 9 foot piles of shoveled snow in our front yard, etc., etc., I prayed every day for Angelo the Maintenance Man to appear. Sadly, he never came. I was in a “room without maintenance”—and I can tell you flat out, it was Hell!
(For those who have no idea what we're talking about, the play can be found here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/217274)
Richard
Hopalong:
Haven't much useful to add, Doc G, except that mold isn't good for you, especially if you have compromised health.
Hope you can have it well abated and then run a dehumidifier 24/7 to keep it from coming back...
Healthfully hopefully,
Hops
Dr. Richard Grossman:
lighter: “Have you done any research into Nutritional Response Testing?”
Thanks, lighter! I haven’t, but I’ll look into it. The problem I have with many of the nutritional (e.g. gluten-free diet) and other non-medical solutions is that when I ask practitioners whether they have had success with people who have significant autoimmune issues, typically they scratch their heads and say either, “I don’t know,” or, “it doesn’t matter.” Given those responses, while I’m sure they can help some people, given the nature/source of my problem, I doubt that they can help me.
BTW, I have tremendous respect for two of the practitioners I saw, one, an acupuncturist and the second, a physical therapist. When they did their exams/tests and I told them the nature/extent of the problem(s), both immediately said they were sorry but they couldn’t help me. I so appreciated their honesty.
Hops: "Haven't much useful to add, Doc G, except that mold isn't good for you, especially if you have compromised health.
Hope you can have it well abated and then run a dehumidifier 24/7 to keep it from coming back..."
Thanks, Hops! I've told this story of true love before here, but I'll repeat it because it's something I'll remember 'til the day I die. When my daughter was 4 (?), one day I came up from my office and Hildy (my wife) said: "You smell like mold." Before I could respond my daughter said: "I like the smell of mold--it smells like Dad."
Richard
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