Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Nboss strikes again
sKePTiKal:
Is that freedom and relief I hear??? :D
Well done, Hops. I was going to argue with you over whether your faux pas was subsconscious, but I kept reading instead. Think you're right there. It was just time those feelings were HEARD, you know?
This, that you wrote over on Tupp's thread, is pertinant too.
--- Quote ---Anyway, what my T said was that he believes I'm unaware that I have an unusually high tolerance for abuse. It was what I learned beneath the bullying from my brother and schoolmates without rescue, plus the hollowness of an Nmother who didn't see me and couldn't respond with affection. And then it was all repeated with my N/Sbrother and Nboss. So T says, I think you long ago accepted the idea that it was acceptable for you to be treated unacceptably.
--- End quote ---
I don't know if it's this way for you or not - but my tolerance became something I was perversely proud of. It was like battle scars or something. And my ego simply wouldn't let me disengage from the battle with my own Nboss, until I finally convinced myself that life was too short to put up with assholes. What he doesn't realize, is that by firing you he's finally given you the upper hand. Advantage > Hops.
So, that's why the non-disclosure. He is assuming that at this point, you'll chew off your own arm to get away. And to top it off, he thinks he can buy you off cheap. HA! It's just my way of looking at it, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction, now that you aren't predicating your well-being on satisfying his wants. (Yes, it's an ego thing... but it's also the golden mean of boundaries too. He simply can't tell you, cajole you, coerce you into doing what he wants you to do anymore. It doesn't have to be colored with revenge or vindictiveness either. You do and ask for what is right for you. But DO NOT under any circumstances, sign the Non-D. He is completely outside the lines of his rights, to ask for that after firing you. As an employer, I consider that at minimum, inappropriate; if not unethical and arrogant.)
And you can always stall for time, too. Saying you have to think things over carefully. ;)
I like your ideas so far.
Hopalong:
Thanks, PR. Couldn't appreciate your understanding more, given what you're in the middle of, friend.
The thing about the document is that it DOES give me 3 months' salary, and I have no certainty I actually will find adequate work in the field at my age. Hope so and will do my best, but at 65...no guarantee at all. So it's a pittance in perspective, but in the short-term, enough money to, say, buy a decent used car.
What to do, what to do. My enormous preference is not to sign it, and if I can get a swift offer from someone else in the same industry, I'd have the wherewithal to refuse it without a qualm. But that's where an employment attorney's objectivity comes in. Once I have that consultation, I'll know better what to do. And what's realistic.
One thing at a time, I think. Ain't no other choice.
One foot one moment one day. It'll hafta do.
And may wind up wonderful eventually.
It already IS wonderful, emotionally.
(Telling him calmly what I truly thought for 10 minutes at the end was almost worth it all...)
xo
Hops
Hopalong:
Guess what?
The chief competitor is flying me out after Xmas for a day or two of meetings with him and his people!
I might might might have a new job!
I don't want to move, but I'm happy to travel monthly and telecommute...
Hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope....
Hops
lighter:
Hops:
My stomach flips thinking about hitting that send button to the Bboss.... OMG.
And then telling him exactly what you've experienced.... everything you've witnessed.... everything he truly IS, and in front of the new CEO.
You're very brave, and you know what you're worth, Hops.
I sincerely hope this experience leads to a new/better job.
I can imagine Nboss has made it very easy for his competitor to feel wonderful about taking you on..... so many reasons. It basically cancels out what the Nboss meant to accomplish. It actually improves your situation, since you won't be working for Nboss any longer. Just that, alone, is reason for competitor boss to hire you, IMO, and then you're an asset and bring skills to the table that will work against N boss..... I see good things for you, Hops
Lighter
sea storm:
Hi Hops
I just read what happened.
Sometimes the universe really conspires to get us out of rotten situations. Pressing the button and sending the equivalent of the A Bomb to your toxic boss was so amazing and freeing. I bet it feels very scarey and like a drop from a tall building. I am praying for you and hope to help you see that it just had to happen.
It is so great that you told your truth. Thank you for your courage and your story.
You mention not being perfect physically and feeling old and tired. It is a wonder you aren't completely burnt out from your job. You need time to heal and restore your spirit after the long haul in your workplace. Whatever happens you will be ok. There are resources out there and here that you can't even imagine. Something is shifting for you and in you. How wonderful.
All that said, I am sending you blessings dear Hops and I want to reassure you that you deserve the very best.
Kind Regards and standing by,
Sea
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