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How Honest Do You Think I Should Be?

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Twoapenny:
I'm trying internet dating again and have been chatting to someone and felt I was getting on quite well with them.  Bizarrely I realised today that I hadn't actually asked them what their name is despite the fact we've swopped several emails.  Anyway, their name is the same as my step-dad's which means for me it's a no go.  I'm just wondering if I should just be honest and tell them that's the reason I won't be talking to them again or just make an excuse.  I'm veering towards making an excuse but I  feel it's always obvious when someone is just spinning a line (I can always see it and feel patronised when it happens).  Equally it's not a nice reason and I'm sure I wouldn't like to be told that I remind someone of someone who did something terrible to them.  Which way would you go?

Meh:
Reading it

Meh:

--- Quote from: Garbanzo on September 14, 2015, 11:20:45 PM ---Reading it

--- End quote ---

I think you don't have to justify it. Men rarely justify what they do.

Its probably too early to bring up "stuff".

Maybe ask him if he would get his name changed if he met the love of his life. Maybe he doesn't like his name. How do we know?  Its a long shot and crazy.

Whatever you feel like is best. I mean there are no rules. That is sort of the rule right? I am so not helpful.

Maybe over time the name would no longer mean the old definition and would start to mean the new person.

You can tell him any white lie you want to, online dating is NO OBLIGATION, no responsibility to others only to yourself. I mean you have to be quite a few months in and doing in person dating to perhaps start to have some accountability and vulnerability ??  I don't know that is just my opinion.

lighter:
Well you're out there, and trying.

I agree with garbonzo.... too early perhaps to share very intimate details, and........

is his name really a deal breaker if he's nice, respectful, and a good match for you?

Really?

Maybe it is.... I can't say,bc I don't have to live with your decisions, and you do.  You get to say, and that's the way it has to be.

When I have similar questions, I like to ask myself questions then wait to see how it makes me feel.... sad and heavy or light and OK?

YOu may sense red flags you aren't able to put your finger on with this guy, and the name just cinches it, or......

you just can't have a constant trigger like that name in your life, you just can't,a dn that's OK too.

You do what feels light, and what you can make peace with, Tupp.

Take care of yourself. 

I'm glad you're out in the world, open to receiving more joy.

Lighter

Twoapenny:
Thank you both for your replies, it has sort of worked itself out, his name is such a big trigger that I've not even gone back on the site since, I now have no interest at all in even speaking to a man, let alone dating one!  Sigh  :?  What is good about 'real world' living is that you do have to deal with things that you wouldn't know were still a problem if you weren't out there trying but it is pesky.  I will try again once this has passed but at the moment would karate chop any bloke that came anywhere near me :)  Thank you both for your advice, hopefully this will release some 'stuff' and next time it won't be such a big deal :) x

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