Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Learning, Growing, Changing, Moving on, Moving Forward
Dr. Richard Grossman:
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on January 22, 2016, 06:08:33 AM ---
I did want to say thank you to all of you, and to you, Dr G, for being here and having this place. I wouldn't feel safe or comfortable talking about some of these things anywhere else, whether online or face to face, anonymously or otherwise, and it does really help me to be able to write this down and to feel safe doing it so thank you all so much for giving that to me xx
--- End quote ---
Hi Tupp,
I feel lucky to "know" all of you. Through the years, this "place" has gathered wonderful people, and it has been an important part of my life. So glad you're here!
Richard
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Dr. Richard Grossman on January 23, 2016, 10:40:45 PM ---
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on January 22, 2016, 06:08:33 AM ---
I did want to say thank you to all of you, and to you, Dr G, for being here and having this place. I wouldn't feel safe or comfortable talking about some of these things anywhere else, whether online or face to face, anonymously or otherwise, and it does really help me to be able to write this down and to feel safe doing it so thank you all so much for giving that to me xx
--- End quote ---
Hi Tupp,
I feel lucky to "know" all of you. Through the years, this "place" has gathered wonderful people, and it has been an important part of my life. So glad you're here!
Richard
--- End quote ---
Thank you, Dr G :) It's good to be here. It's so kind of you to run this and let us all loose on it as well :)
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on January 23, 2016, 08:39:10 PM ---Me, too.
Loneliness.
Phone rarely ringing.
I think Facebook is part of it. Folks migrate there for their daily humanity and we don't give each other our voices anymore.
(((((((((((Tupp)))))))))
Hops
--- End quote ---
I'm sorry that you know that feeling too, Hops. It's strange, I know so many people, and they're all happy for me to visit them or join them on nights out and so on. But they don't initiate contact and I can't go for nights out very often as it's difficult (and expensive!) to get someone to sit with my son for the evening. And then I resent spending money I struggle to afford to go and be with people who can't be bothered to phone or come round to me one evening instead and so I don't go. I have been going to the meditation group and I enjoy that but I've also found that I'm so used to be alone now that I find the company of others quite tiring - the effort of making conversation seems to take it out of me more than it used to. And I find I'm not interested in other people's day to day stuff, or their problems, I feel like I only want to share with the few people I feel very close to? I'm aware I've cut myself off to a certain extent, I just feel quite dead inside a lot of the time, but full of longing as well which is odd. My sister came round yesterday afternoon and when I opened the door and saw it was her it was all I could do not to groan. I love her but she just talks about herself and all her problems the whole time and I'm just not interested.
I tried getting into Facebook thinking it might help but I found it quite annoying and lots of people I would prefer to forget kept popping up so I abandoned that idea!
I don't know how we change the situation of getting people to want us? It's that feeling of someone wanting me that I miss, just for the sake of me, rather than because they have a problem to get off their chest or something they want me to do. But you can't force other people to do things and I feel that I don't want someone to ring me because I've moaned about being lonely, I want them to phone because they want to. I might have to try some sort of mind bending or something and see if that makes any difference :) xx
Twoapenny:
Meditating again, this morning I got an overwhelming sense of anger at my dad for leaving me. Unfair and illogical as my mum got a court order to get him evicted and then he died a couple of months later so it wasn't his choice, obviously, but I still felt incredibly angry that he left me. After he died I used to think up all kinds of stories and scenarios that would explain how it had all been a big mix up and he'd turn up unscathed. I used to sit out by the side of the road on a Sunday, which is the day he used to come down to see us, and wait for his car. One day a car just like his came over the hill and I remember jumping up, I was so sure it was him. It wasn't, of course, he'd been dead for months by then, but I can remember that feeling as I leapt up to wave to him and then realising it was someone else driving past (even though the man in the car was waving back, but I didn't know who he was). I think that's where this feeling of waiting to be rescued and so desperately wanting someone to want me enough to come and get me comes from.
Anyway. Cried buckets. Feel very tired, but in that way that you do when you've let something go. There's the most beautiful sunset this morning. Seems very apt. x
Hopalong:
Awwww, Tupp.
I'm so sorry for that horrible abandonment.
And your mother, by being so unkind, abandoned you too.
I wonder if you isolate yourself or find it hard to trust/connect
because you are carrying on the orphan feelings as an adult?
I was no orphan but I do feel so scared and alone at times.
And you're on your own with a huge parenting burden that nobody
helps you with. I can't imagine how hard that is sometimes, to feel
that "unhelped."
I admire you a lot for your persistence. The rest, the emotional
healing and calming...I feel sure it will come for you in time.
You're going through an awful lot right now, and anticipating a
huge change you're going to go through on your own. It takes
a lot of courage and you've got that!
hugs
Hops
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