Thank you for those lovely messages, everybody, I have got hold of one of those dongle things which seems to be working at the minute so am starting to read through the threads - I've missed a lot! We hit a bit of a wall here at home and a lot of things seemed to come to a head together and it all got a bit much. My son's health took a real nose dive; he seems to be climbing out the other side again now but it has been very difficult and his current unresolved health issues have just been going on for a long time and I think it got a bit much for both of us. He's also going through his teenage years - normal development, I know, and everyone does it (plus he's actually doing it during his teenage years, I think I did it in my thirties!) and I have to say there are times when I really miss my little boy. Part of life, I know, and I'm glad he's where he is but I have been finding the moods and the 'keep away from me' attitude a bit wearing at times (even thought I no it's normal and nothing to worry about).
So that's part one. Our van - our lovely escape and first step to freedom - has got so many things wrong with it that it has cost me more in repairs now than I paid for it in the first place (and certainly a lot more than I thought it was going to cost). It also seems that the 'friend of a friend' who did some of the work has done a bad job which needs to be redone so we are still not out of the woods with it yet. The extra cost has meant I've had to dip into my moving house savings - glad they were there and available but it does mean the house move has been put back, partly because of money and partly because my son is still waiting for tests and moving to a different area now would mean we have to go to a different doctor and start the long wait to be seen all over again. Everything got a bit too much and I am on tablets for stress now, which do seem to be helping.
So - the good stuff
The enforced internet break has got me out of my habit of faffing about online instead of getting on with things I need/want to do so I am working hard not to fall back into that trap of using it to avoid stuff.
Our contact with the public sector due to both our health problems has been very positive and has gone some way to repairing some of the damage done by early years very negative experiences so that is helping and I am trying very hard to leave the past where it is and to try to keep things in perspective now and focus on enjoying life more and worrying less.
I've had zero contact from 'old' friends - the ones I was worrying about staying in contact with after we move - which has meant I don't need to make a decision about what to do as they've kind of made that decision for me. I've also been surprised at how easy it has been to be more like me without contact with people who seem to like me a certain way? I don't know if that makes sense but there are people I don't feel I can be myself around. I am trying hard to focus on the good friends I do have and to enjoy them and it is getting easier to do that and not to think/fret about others.
I am feeling less 'victim' and more positive about where we're at - more accepting, I suppose, and trying to work on enjoying our current situation rather than changing it into something I think I will enjoy more? Although still working on longer term changes as well.
The van is a great talking point, I've had some lovely chats with people about their experiences of travelling and recommendations of places to visit so I am looking forward to getting away in it once all the work is done and we can actually use it!
Anyway I think that is all for now. Will do some more reading and catch up on some more threads later
x
