8 shades of misery.

[Ales2]

exhausted.
in pain.
frustrated.
overwhelmed and bored simultaneously, if thats possible.
angry.
feeling vindictive with just a sliver of decency left that prevents me from acting on it.
hopeless
misery

[Twoapenny]

Aw Ales, I'm sorry to read this.  Understand overwhelmed and bored very well, that alone is enough to trigger all the other feelings, in my experience.  Can you escape?  Rest, change path, hide under duvet, run up a mountain?  What is the situation?  Hope something changes soon.

[Hopalong]

Could something new be surfacing that your T could help you get through?

((((((((Ales))))))), I'm so sorry you're in the grip of these feelings.
Emotions are weather...sometimes all you can do is breathe, have faith,
even if it's no more than trusting nature.

Everything changes, even the bad stuff.

Hang in,
Hops

[Ales2]

Thanks Two and Hops for your posts of support.

There was no situation, just another bad day while trying to move on.  I took care of myself and had a nice dinner, relaxed at home, but was disappointed with my attitude and productivity yesterday. I got in some kind of overanalysis funk and could not get out. It was also hormonal as I later found out. Yuck.

And Hops, there is no T right now. Ive lost trust in anyone being able to help me other than me.  I read and I listen, but sometimes find being vulnerable is dangerous. I do however feel safe here.

Also, I have to add that I was not able to comment on your heartbreaking post Hops, I'm not any better off than you right now - my job finished July 1st and I am looking again and have not saved enough for retirement and have a negative net worth situation (more debts than assets). I could feel your pain and disillusionment in your post.

[Twoapenny]

Thanks Two and Hops for your posts of support.

There was no situation, just another bad day while trying to move on.  I took care of myself and had a nice dinner, relaxed at home, but was disappointed with my attitude and productivity yesterday. I got in some kind of overanalysis funk and could not get out. It was also hormonal as I later found out. Yuck.

And Hops, there is no T right now. Ive lost trust in anyone being able to help me other than me.  I read and I listen, but sometimes find being vulnerable is dangerous. I do however feel safe here.

Also, I have to add that I was not able to comment on your heartbreaking post Hops, I'm not any better off than you right now - my job finished July 1st and I am looking again and have not saved enough for retirement and have a negative net worth situation (more debts than assets). I could feel your pain and disillusionment in your post.

Ales, I suspect only children of N's feel they ought to be able to have a bad day and sail through it with a Stepford Wife smile in place and no negative thoughts   One thing I am finally starting to learn is that it is perfectly okay (in fact I think it should be mandatory from time to time!) to just feel crap when you're having a crap time.  It is good to read that you looked after yourself through it   And I understand what you mean about the T; I went quite a long time without one as the couple I tried just weren't right - and sometimes I think it's good to see how much sense you can make of it all without someone else's input?  Hope you're feeling a bit better today xx

[JustKathy]

And Hops, there is no T right now. Ive lost trust in anyone being able to help me other than me.

Ales, so sorry you're experiencing these feelings. If it helps any, you're definitely not alone. I also experience everything on your list. They seem to come and go, brought on by triggers (holidays) or bad memories. Sadly, I think these are normal for victims of Ns. Feeling simultaneously overwhelmed and bored is a frequent one. I don't know how to get beyond that one, other than to find a distraction, or a place to vent, like this board. At least we have this safe place.

I don't know if you suffer from anxiety (as many N children do), but some of these symptoms can be related to that. I get pain in my legs and feet that my doctor says is "stress pain." It comes and goes, and can be treated somewhat with pain relievers, though I find it best to wear comfortable shoes and massage my legs while I'm watching TV in the evening.

Losing trust in therapists happens far too often. I just left yet another T when it became apparent that she was doing her best to sympathize with me, but really didn't understand what I was telling her, and may even have thought I was making up some of the stories about my NM. I don't get how it can be 2016, and still so hard (almost impossible) to find a T who has even the slightest clue about NPD. They seem to know about as much as the media does ... the characteristics that are listed in the DSM and little else. You would think that with so much talk about Narcissism these days, more people would be studying it, but that doesn't seem to be the case. It's very frustrating.

Hang in there. Sometimes the smallest of things can change the negative feelings. I find that music can really help. Pay YouTube a visit, put on a favorite song, and dance a little. Feel better!