Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

What gives you your sense of self worth

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lighter:
Oh.... your boy had a chat with the cat.....and wrote his note to Santa....

:: Sniff::

He's just lovely, Tupp.

Lighter

Hopalong:
Thanks for asking, Tupp, but this is YOUR thread!

I'm doing okay...bit stressed by the election. Otherwise not bad.
I'll catch up about the job on my job thread, maybe this wknd.

Meanwhile, a good plan for tomorrow night--gathering with friends to
watch the returns until we know who won. Regardless, we're wearing
white in honor of the sufragettes who fought so bravely for our right
to vote, not so long ago.

Hoping that vision will hold us ALL together until we re-knit the broken
civic threads, which will be a long hard job.

Hugs,
Hops

Twoapenny:
Love to think of you honouring the suffragettes, Hopsie, what a lovely image.  Look forward to reading your job thread; I am aware I haven't been spending as much time on other people's threads as I like to and I am missing it so looking forward to having a bit more time over the next few weeks :)

Anyway - the new flat.  I could not be smiling more at the minute :)

We picked the keys up this morning, all went very smoothly, the people at the housing office were very nice and everything was done very quickly.  We went from there to our new place with the first van load of our stuff.  Two guys were there painting the shed door; one of them helped me carry stuff from the van and was very friendly and polite.  We went in and it's just so nice.  Lovely views, it was beautiful and sunny today, there was a hot air balloon away in the distance.  We unloaded the first van load and went back to get the second.  Second visit was even better, our new neighbours on one side came out to introduce themselves, very friendly and have invited us round for tea once we've moved in properly.  A very friendly cat came over and glued himself to my son and didn't leave his side so he has a new friend now as well :)  I've unpacked what I can, the big move is on Monday but I'm going to take as much of the small stuff over as I can over the weekend.  I am really looking forward to doing it up and making it ours; it's so lovely to have a home rather than a place to live.  I still can't believe how lucky we are.

Some of the boxes had been packed for a long time and I took some of the things out and realised they just aren't right for the new place.  Too much memory of here, I think, so there's already a box of things to take to the charity shop next week.

I saw my step-dad when I was on my way over with the second load and I am really hoping that's the last time I ever see that odious toad.  Fingers crossed we are moving just far enough away that there won't be any reason for my path to cross with his again.

It is very nice to feel happy and content; it's been such a long time since I felt that way I'd forgotten what it feels like but it's such a lovely feeling.  We will be offline for a few days next week so hopefully by the next time I log on things will be completely unpacked and everything will be done and we'll just be having a lovely time :)

Twoapenny:
Internet back on today so reconnecting :)  We are in; the move day itself was a nightmare despite all my organisation and hard work before hand because the removal men went off half way through to do another little job and left us stranded for nearly two hours.  It's had a knock on effect on the rest of the week but we are getting there now.

The new place is lovely.  It feels incredibly safe, very, very quiet (so quiet I couldn't sleep the first couple of nights because I wasn't used to it), the village itself is lovely, as are the neighbours and I am already feeling the benefits of being able to pop into town rather than it being a big event.  The garden is so amazing it just makes me smile every time I look at it and best of all my son absolutely loves it and loves his new room.  Even the cat seems happy!

What I realised this morning, though, is that I'm (a) a bit scared that there's nothing to hold me back now except me and (b) I've spent so many years putting my energy into getting through the day that I've sort of forgotten how to just plan an enjoyable day rather than having to put on my armour and battle through it.  I've decided to have a bit of a holiday over the next couple of weeks and just enjoy some days out, nice walks, a bit of gardening and just generally get back into the flow of not having to deal with so many difficult things.  I am excited and apprehensive at the same time, but that is definitely better than just feeling scared and tired constantly :)  Anyway, hope everyone is well and I will keep you posted :)

Twoapenny:
I'm off caffeine again after fortifying myself with gallons of it (along with mountains of biscuits) over the last few weeks to get us through the move.  What occured to me this morning is that without some sort of stimulant inside me I feel delicate and vulnerable.  It's as if revving my system up a bit gives me a sense of security and makes me feel stronger (and less vulnerable to attack, I suppose).  It means that my lifetime of various stimulant addictions makes sense to me now.  I think I've been putting on a coat of armour to get me through the day.  Equally I realised this morning that my inability to concentrate on just what I am doing in the present moment is because the majority of my system is on the look out for problems.  If I give my full attention to the one thing that I am doing at the time then what might happen whilst my back is turned?

I'm not quite sure what to do with this information now that I've come upon it, lol, but I think it will be useful to me.

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