Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Exploring resistence
Hopalong:
I hear you!
My body can't be left alone with a loaf of bread.
I can hide it, freeze it, take it outside to the can...but I know where it is.
The craving never forgets.
I've been doing better lately and lost a few, due to ONE strategem. Though I can't normally afford WholePaycheck...I go there once or twice a week (the best time is "Meatless Monday" when it's discounted. I buy one or two boxes of fresh, prewashed greens (this time one was baby kale, the other a "super" mix). Then I go to their food bar (salad on one, prepared dishes on another) and load a modest-sized container with all the savory, crunchy, yummy things I don't want to purchase individually. It's too expensive and for me, too time consuming to get the super-variety of nutrients one needs. Much as I love beets, marinated mushrooms, quinoa salad, tabouleh, red onion, fennel, peas, etc.--I'm not going to buy and prepare them individually. I jam the container full.
Then at home (or taking it to work) I have at least one big meal with a large bowl of the mixed greens atop which I dump some of the savory yummies plus maybe a hard-boiled sliced egg, dribble great yohurt-based dressing on it and chow down. Those meals are SO satisfying that I feel calm and full and satisfied for hours.
If I do that EVERY day (I even have salads every time I cook an egg for breakfast) I can feel that the carb-binges are held at bay. (Plus, not bringing breads home in the first place.)
I still lapse or skip but overall, this general pattern has been the most helpful for me in a long time.
I cook fish at home sometimes, with a big pile of some frozen veg...similar effect.
Hugs
Hops
lighter:
Hops:
Reading your last post made me hungry yesterday. I ate, and never made it back to the board.
Armed with strong coffee, I'm back.
How am I? Feeling untethered, but otherwise whole. I think that's my natural state of being, actually, so maybe not a bad thing. Just something I was growing out of, IMO... hoped I was pretty well past, I suppose.
I pulled weeds yesterday, changed the filter on the AC unit and organized, did laundry..... and feel more grounded.
Today is cool, and breezy so I'll likely pressure wash the driveway, which is pitted and damaged from salt two winters ago. Salt eats cement, guys. No good. I have to clean moss off the roof this year again, and maybe use a chemical to keep it from coming back. I don't want to destroy moss and plants below the roof, so must give this more thought. The neighbor's son is pressing in to be involved. I'm not sure what to make of him, but I don't like that he says unkind things about his gf to me. He's adorable, and likes to talk, I'll say that.
Sometimes I think there must be simple answers to these things, but I'm just not able to access them, or figure them out. Wow, I had to think for a second to remember the current battle with mice. I tend to take any conflict personally, and badly, bc of my dislike for all conflict. That it's not bothering me badly today is a good thing.
So, there were mice under my new car hood when I returned from Canada. I may have mentioned that before. The mice and or nest made the Air Conditioner blow air that smelled like mouse barn, and I'm SO not exaggerating about that. Before I had time to breath and FIX the problem well enough to feel good about it, it was time to travel again. On return, the AC still smells a bit like barn, but it was improved for whatever reason I can't remember now. I set traps, I put out poison, I ran the car, I parked it again and hoped.
It's an odd thing to use poison and traps. I always resist, but I can't lose any battle involving mice or roaches, just can't, so I use, but it's horrifying to know these poisons do what they do to everything that eats it so I go round and round through my head worst case scenarios, etc.
::Nodding::
I really hate the idea of things suffering. It doesn't help me feel tethered, I'll say that. There was one mouse in the house, but he moved to the garage after I moved the bag of bird seed. Now the traps have been empty for days.
I don't hear much from the woodpecker living in the wall behind oldest dd's bed, but the hole is still there, of course. She had babies, and I heard them grow up. Now it's quiet. I wonder if I should cover the opening, or leave it. It worries me to think of what's happening IN he wall, and worries me that the peckers will simply make higher holes I can't reach on the other side of the house if I go to the trouble of dragging the heavy ladder all that way, snip metal, find the screws, and tools, and DO it, only to regret it, and that's my process.
My sister leaves today. Her dd begins University this fall in the US... they live in Canada, so that's got to be hard for them all.
My super edit is about done.... lots of stuff given away and sold. Not enough, but I'm truly grateful for the progress made. The more important task may have been moving all tools to the shed, all art supplies organized in glass fronted cabinets in the garage, games and school supplies to the office loft. It's good. Having the garage emptied bodes well in the mouse struggle, IMO.
I have access to my heavy bag, which I've bounced while noting my lowered tolerance for pain. I'm still resisting regular work outs, for whatever reason. There's so much to be gained of who I was at my strongest... I don't know why I resist. I remember making big efforts in the past, but they involved other people, and that's the mistake I think. It needs to just be me, and if someone joins then they do. Old habits are hard to break. I worked out for years with a group of like minded people, and didn't realize how special it was. I have to create something new, and stop whining about it not being what it was.... it's done.
My whiny little child inside isn't happy about any of it, I'll tell you. She's holding her breath, and turning blue.
Lighter
lighter:
Hops:
Did the KKK move on and out of your neighborhood quickly?
Lighter
Twoapenny:
Hey, Lighter, what's your inner little one not happy about? Can you tell or is it too fuzzy?
I hope the mice have gone! I'm not keen on traps and poisons either, but then we have a cat so she deals with any minor problems as they come up (in fact, there are so many cats where we live that I'd be surprised if a single mouse can live here).
You sound like you've been really busy, both at home and with your travels. I find it sometimes takes me a while to readjust after a big project or time away. I also find my inner Tup rails against doing grown up stuff sometimes. Down to her having to grow up too fast when she was younger, I think. But sometimes doing sensible jobs seems less appealing than watching a box set. Sometimes I give in :) Did you get your driveway done? xx
Hopalong:
Lighter, I can't remember the name of the group, dang it, MAYBE something like Boot Camp, but there's a committed and apparently very intense fitness group in my town. Not huge but very motivated and close. They meet at various places in the relatively early morning--no gym involved. If I remember my friend's description correctly, I believe they choose different locations and create different workouts for each other, and all do them together?
All I know is she's incredibly fit and appears to really love this approach...maybe something like that would be positive for you. Less isolating?
Hops
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