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sKePTiKal:
'morning Hops - next shift just showed up! LOL.

I'm not able to stay awake for very long after dark here, unless I'm having another session of "letting the grief be" which is part of the bargain to be able to re-start my own life. Fortunately it doesn't consume a lot of time, this far down the road. But of course, the "big city" I'm close to is where Mike & I spent so many years together. That has an impact, whether I'm rationally admitting that on any given day or not.

The higher ed application got me thinking. Yes, it's been some years now that I've been out of it... but maybe I can kind of explain what's going on. It would seem logical for schools to lean heavily on the experienced professionals; the ones who've seen just about everything - after all, isn't "transfer of knowledge" and "professionalism" what colleges are all about? And in truth, the campus does offer a lot of opportunities regardless of an individual's particulars - but there is a strong network of "who you know" that exists too. Even if it's just a fellow classmate in a zumba class.

The other thing that happens frequently, is they like to toot their own horn, by making a position or giving a position to a student/former student but they are required to advertise the position, by the EEOC. They'll lose their federal dollars otherwise. And the regional accrediting agencies support this process a bit too. But what people miss by keeping the gates so firmly closed to the "outside world", inside those "ivory towers"... is fresh talent, new perspective, creativity and energy. And EXPERIENCE.

Experience and actual hands-on knowledge is anathema to some ways of thinking on campus. They often mistake clueless enthusiasm and masterful BS for creativity and potential. This is a problem that crops up when a campus is a "world unto itself" and has lost touch with "what works" outside of it.

So, my advice if you're really looking to get into that world - which does provide a LOT of security, btw - is dig through the lists of faculty and employees. Spend time in the campus library (maybe researching for your book?). Who do you already know and how? Who can you meet through your "travels" socially right now? Having at least one reference who already works there, is an "edge" to your application. Is there anyone who's run across your work in the past? Where are the "connections" that you can "leverage" to at least get an interview?

Perhaps there's even a position in the library that's part-time to get your foot in the door and start learning the "lay of the land" about who are the "movers & shakers" in that community. It's a really fun work environment and offers a whole lot of support in the form of "community" too that you would fit right into. It has it's downsides and I'll warn you now: some of the hugest egos I've ever seen were in higher ed. Less so, than in a scientific community - but higher ed attracts more than it's share of kooks and weirdos and PDs.

Hopalong:
Hi Amber,
Check, check, check!
I know the U. climate very well, and have networked as best I can.
Once you're gone for a decade+ though, it is tricky to get back in.

I'm familiar with the posting-but-not-meaning-it game, the who-you-know
game, and all the rest. But I am convinced now, also, that ageism is quite
active there too. I have reached out to those I can...have signed up for
every automatic alert for jobs there that I can. But I'm not optimistic.

I spent 11 years in several different university staff positions and that
bureaucracy and those politics are unpleasantly familiar. The overall
intellectual climate was positive, but what I learned as a child about a
professor's life (my Dad founded a department and was a professor,
chairman, and dean)...just doesn't apply to most staff positions, ime.

I can't focus on getting THERE as my goal, since realistically, I will
probably have to take any sort of job I can get. Since the U is relatively
impenetrable, I may have better luck in the private sector. I've earned
more and advanced more out of the academic system than within it.

One thing I'm going to consider to counter some of the ageism concerns
is to personally visit several interesting businesses and introduce myself.
Despite my white hair my face and energy appear fairly young, so that
may offset it somewhat if I can meet someone in person. The old
"interviewing for information" approach--making a contact without
asking for employment--might work again. (That was how I got the
surprise FT offer at a publisher, which kickstarted that side of my career.)

Often, too, startups are open minded. We'll see, but my strategy now
is to have no strategy other than openness and imaginative ideas. I'm
even considering being a limo driver, as my friend who died did that
and enjoyed it a lot. (Commutes from here to a major airport, and
the traveling folks tended to tip her very nicely.)

hugs
Hops

Hopalong:
Significant anxiety today. I know why:
--on Saturdays the isolation of being alone hits hardest. A holiday period Saturday especially. I have decided not to return to church until after Xmas because the "happy holiday families" scene there triggers grief--too many memories of sitting there with my D cuddling close. So that means I don't have tomorrow to look forward to to break the cycle. I will ask myself again in the morning whether I should go anyway. Maybe better to accept the sadness than cope with panic.
--it affects me with chest pain, shortness of breath, which feed off each other. Nothing major (and it's a very familiar pattern)--but I find it hard to control the anxious thoughts when my body is doing that.
--I've called a friend, which helped during. Most friends are preoccupied with family.
--I'm hunkered down watching shows, which is escapist but I feel paralysed and unable to tackle productive household things.
--It's bitter cold here so I'm not motivated to go out.
--Fears about unemployment rise and calm. Today...rise.

That's it...just wanted to offer it out there.
Thanks for being here to write to.

love,
Hops

Twoapenny:
Hops I can only say I hear everything you're saying and experience similar myself, particularly the escapism via TV or the internet.  And yes, this time of year when 'families' seem to be all around and it's all so in your face is just so, so difficult, particularly if there isn't something else going on to distract you in a positive way.  There are times I avoid connecting with people because I don't feel strong enough to cope with the difficult feelings that may arise and given this shock over your job on top of everything else at the mo I think a bit of time snuggled on the sofa with your pooch and a bit of escapism on the telly is just what the doctor ordered.  I do know in myself I seem to have a thing where I feel I ought to be able to cope magnificently with anything life throws at me and it is unrealistic.  We all need a bit of downtime and a bit of recovery time (and with panic attacks I think your body purposely slows everything down to give your system time to recover).  What I find difficult about it is that the loneliness is hard to hide from when you're resting - if I slow down physically my emotions have a chance to catch up with me, and then that's why I think the telly helps, it just takes the edge of things a bit.

I'm with you in spirit, Hopsie, sitting on the sofa with you watching old films, making you hot chocolate, keeping your blankets fluffed up and keeping you company until this spell passes.

((((((((((((((((((Hops)))))))))))))))))))))))

lighter:
Hi (((Hops)))

I wish there was some way to escape the rise and fall of panic in difficult times, but alas.... I haven't found it.

We bob around like corks on rough seas, and try to remember it will pass.  We'll be engaged again in meaningful productive satisfying moments again.... we just need to ride out temporary storm, and harbor will find us again.   

Safe harbor is only safe bc of the storms... the yin and yang of being alive. 

In the meantime sink into your safe space.  Being paralyzed can include feeling gratitude for a clean blanket with a lovely cup of coffee, tea or coco can't it?  Gratitude for clean and clear space created with the organizer.   Down time is best when we have it sans guilt, IME.  Remember...... guilt sucks.

BTW hiring that organization gal is a super idea, IMO.  You'll have so much time and energy with that kind of help zooming you through what might otherwise never get ironed out completely.  It's resistance we can accept, and work around IME... we don't have to overcome what we just don't have the tools to overcome, IME.  Identifying our need for help makes it possible to ask for and receive it.

I'm picturing you dancing on a sunny clear floor in the scary room. You'll likely have a burst of fresh energy, creativity, and resolve once some progress is made..... even if it's not, this too shall pass.

I have a roomful of scary files to deal with very soon, btw. 

::shudder::

It'll be OK.

For both of us, ((Hops))). 

Lighter







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