Apparently, I知 now an older monkey

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi everybody,

For some of the other older monkeys on this Board:

http://nhv.us/content/57412-older-monkeys-become-choosier-about-their-social-circle-they-age

Richard

[Twoapenny]

Ha, well I'm definitely an older monkey, too!  For me I do think it's a lot to do with having less energy - I just don't want to spend it on people who are draining.  But perhaps maturity comes into it as well - we start to recognise people who drain us and avoid them, and perhaps we didn't do that when we were younger?  I definitely find being around people stressful, although I think I always did, I just used to drink a lot to cover it up

I wouldn't say I'm averse to new things - I like trying things out and get quite excited if a new experience is possible - but I don't want something just because it's new.  If my telly still works I don't see the need to buy another one, even if they are slimmer/have a better picture/can do all sorts of things that the old one couldn't.  I do like meeting new people, it tends to be people I know that I've already decided I don't like

[Hopalong]

Well shoot.
I often think I AM one of the draining ones.
So I am conscious of having more friends,
so I "spread it around." I want to be an old monkey
with a big circle. I need lots of grooming.

I do love back.
But as I was just describing to PR, there are times when anxiety and grief mean I need to be on the receiving end.

Here, so much of that has happened...and I'm so grateful.

love
Hops

[lighter]

::raising hand::

Older monkey here too.

Of course, my children informed me of this 6 years ago when we were pretending to be monkeys in the yard, collecting "monkey beans" for medicine, and food.

(2nd grader) Yougest dd.... "I'm the medicine monkey..."

Oldest dd (4th grade)... ."I'm the shaman monkey...
Mommy, you can be the Elder monkey."

I nod...

Oldest dd leans in, and not without sympathy whispers to me....

"That means you're the old monkey."


Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Well shoot.
I often think I AM one of the draining ones.
So I am conscious of having more friends,
so I "spread it around." I want to be an old monkey
with a big circle. I need lots of grooming.

I do love back.
But as I was just describing to PR, there are times when anxiety and grief mean I need to be on the receiving end.

Here, so much of that has happened...and I'm so grateful.

love
Hops

Hey Hopsie, I don't think good, kind people who are in need of love and support and a bit of propping up sometimes are draining, I think (for me, anyway) it's more the people who aren't very self aware, who talk endless about themselves as if everything they do is fascinating, who talk over you, ignore you, don't ask how you are etc etc.  For me 'proper' friendships - and they're the ones I covet these days - are the ones where you are close enough to someone to be yourself, fall apart sometimes, laugh at others, prop them up a bit when they're going through a hard time.  I find it's the superficial ones that are draining (and I don't mean that they're draining to everyone, just to me because I find I want more depth these days).  I don't think anyone would find you draining; I imagine the opposite is true x

[Meh]

I'm trying to be open minded about making friends with co-workers. Since they are the people I spend the most time with. It almost feels odd to attempt to make friends nowadays at my age. Often I get the feeling that people have a closed circle.

One of my co-workers says she wants to go out while we are at work but then the reality of materializing that feels weird to me.

I keep telling myself just to give people a chance. That is all I can do. Be slightly open minded about random new events and people.

[Hopalong]

Slightly open minded sounds just right to me...
enough to let lovely oxygen in and bad smells out.

[sunblue]

Hmmmm....I found this very interesting.  However, I'd dispute the finding that says as we age, we lose interest in trying new things.  I think, rather, as we age, we become much more selective in who we spend our time with and how we spend our time.  We don't want to waste our time on relationships that don't add value or contribute to our happiness or to activities that we don't enjoy.  As we age, I think we become much more cognizant of time and hopefully we understand ourselves better so that we don't invest our time wisely.

But I do think we still continue to want to explore and try new things....as long as they fit within our overall values and needs.