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worst wounds from narcissists

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Ales2:
A question for the board. I am working on an itemized list of what are the worst wounds that effect me as an adult. Not causes, just the wound. 

What are the worst wounds you have to deal with from narcissism that effect you today or in your adulthood?

toxic shame
self doubt
invalidation
marginalized my abilities/underachievement
punished for being assertive
smallness
undermined adult independence
ability to trust others

Twoapenny:
All of those, Ales, I would also add addiction problems (various kinds over the years), self sabotage, periods of disassociation (which leads me to doubt myself, my memories, my integrity and so on) and an odd combination of perfectionism/procrastination - as in I think I often put things off because they won't be 'good' enough, and if and when I do do something I tend to set myself a really high target and then berate myself for not getting there.  Almost setting myself up to fail, really.  Which is perhaps the same as self sabotage?  Maybe a lot of those things come under other banners?

Ales2:
Thanks two, these are great. 

I used to struggle with procrastination/perfectionism cycles also.  Self sabotage is another one. I used to be an over-achiever and it was frustrating because it set up a jealousy issue with my mother. She was very happy to see me fall flat on my face. As, yet I have not gotten back up. Still working on that one. 

Hopalong:
resentment

it took sooooooo long to stop being poisoned by my reaction to their poisonousness.

(Still pops up from time to time but I spot it sooner and take no pleasure in that feeling. It used to give me energy, but eventually it became an energy sink.)

Hops

JustKathy:
Wow. All of the above, and more. Two that have really impacted my life ...

Feeling unworthy/not good enough to be around other adults:
Whenever I meet anyone, be it a new neighbor or a stranger at the dog park, I consider them to be more important than me without even knowing a thing about them. When I was in the workplace, I let people walk all over me, even if I was in a higher position than them. I'm a lesser human being, no matter what. 

Self loathing:
I've struggled with this my entire life because I look and sound exactly like my N-mother. When I was younger, I hated my voice, because it was HER voice. When I started to age, I began hating my face. I don't know what she looked like at 18, but I know what she looked like at 40, so once I started to age and looked more and more like her, I could no longer bear the sight of my own face. I've had plastic surgery to make my appearance less like hers, and yes, it has helped. I've obsessively worked to maintain my good figure (something she was jealous of). I've also colored my hair since I was 18, and worn it in a style completely opposite from hers. Anything to avoid looking like her. Anything.

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