Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
worst wounds from narcissists
Ales2:
Wow! I can relate to both of those. I don't initially feel less than, but when I compare my position in life to others right now, I do feel a sense of underachievement and they are ahead. I always felt behind others until college and when I left, I have myself a fresh start and of course, everyone builds their own career and moves on, which I fought very hard to do. I was very independent and somewhat successful in movies, but then I got passed by and stopped getting promoted. I sort of got stuck in the middle when younger and less experienced passed me by. I thought I had resolved this issue and would succeed fully, but I fell behind and got more and more depressed about it.
I can also totally relate to wanting to change my appearance because I look like my Mom. Yuck. We look alot alike, although I am almost 50 and have no wrinkles (yet). My Mother smoked and was "shrinkled" as I called it. Her face sunken and wrinkled by 45. I'm blonde like her and always thought the fast change would be just go RED. lol. I also considered plastic surgery, but it looks like I might get lucky and age well, which would be the best revenge. HA!
Ales2:
Hops,
Resentment. Another good one. I get resentment as a side effect from being invalidated. Its an awful feeling. Rejection can be polite, invalidation is similar but meaner, crueler. Everyone has to reject, its part of life. But rejecting with concern is not the problem. You know, kind of like when a woman tells a man, "I am flattered you are interested, but I ....have a boyfrined, not sure we are right for each other, not dating etc. Invalidation is more harsh and sometimes not even said in words, it can be done unconsciously. i.e the woman doesnt even give the man the time of day and laughs him off, that sort of invalidation. Thats where the resentment creeps in.
Yep, I get that one too.
Ales2:
Ha!
That list can be divided into two groups:
(1) Things I can take initiative with:
(a) assertiveness
(b) smallness
(c) underachievement
(d) self doubt/something wrong with me
(e) undermine adult independence
(2) Things they do I can react differently with/not get triggered by:
(a) invalidation/resentment
(b) marginalization/pessimism
(c) undermine adult independence
Anyway, just a side note to end the evening. These little posts are so helpful, thanks for the posts, comments and contributions! :P
sKePTiKal:
I'll toss out a suggestion for the list...
Letting the N and the relationship with the N occupy so much of my mind/life that there's hardly room for ME. When my whole life is encircled, bounded, defined by and limited by... the intricacies and spider-webs of N-ism.
Whether it's the struggle to be able to breathe freely while interacting with them, or trying to get on with my life in periods of low or no contact... any time they fill so much of my waking existence, I realize they've "won"... and that I've taken the bait - hook, line & sinker - once again.
I'm also not exactly exploring my life or creating "space" in it for me to unfold myself into it either, when I'm hemmed in by fear of future, current or unraveling past N-encounters/engagements. For me, it's boredom-inducing to keep running that hamster-wheel... and I'm not growing, either.
There is a time to retreat into the full-time work of thinking, inner exploring and the comfort of "known" routines and spaces. And there is a time to make like Vasco de Gama or Captain Kirk... and go where no man has gone before (at least in my personal resume... LOL). And it varies a lot from person to person - and like chickenpox and it's virus - can get triggered at different times in our lives.
<stopping, before the ramble picks up momentum>
Ales2:
Very well said sKePTiKal.
I think the quote "Don't let someone anyone rent space in your head for free" is what you are describing about letting the N occupy your mind/life. I can relate to that.
I have a little too much time for inner exploring which makes me depressed. I would like to move on more and be focused on those forward steps. Ive noticed that when I do move on, a backlash happens because the N figures out I will abandon her soon (a fear that is well founded and that I have verbalized to her) and she can't tolerate that, so lots of passive aggressive games will occur and fake illnesses and crises will arise. Bring it on! I'm ready for that nonsense. I no longer engage with that and it ceases and I stay on track working on me.
Thanks for your comments.
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