worst wounds from narcissists

[Ales2]

Those are great principles, Hops. Thanks for your post.

Ive discovered where the cycle is in my life that affects my business/career. Invalidation leads to self doubt which increases underachieving and ambivalence in decisions and productivity (i.e finishing projects, sticking with a career path). That ambivalence has a result, which often invites marginalization and more invalidation.

I need to overcome the Invalidation/Self Doubt response, I can be more productive and more committed. I broke this cycle once when I left college and went out on my own and did very well for over 18 years, then came another challenge where I lost my confidence and the gains I had made.

I don't want to get stuck in this cycle or have this be the "story" of my life, but I do notice that when I have trouble with work people, it all centers around invalidation, marginalization and insults that become crippling. Its my achilles heel and it trips me up every time.

Thanks all, this little thread has been very helpful to me.

[Ales2]

When I have trouble with projects it largely centers around ambivalence, self doubt and underachieving and the fear of future invalidation.

[Meh]

I think the wound is the lack, the wasted time, also that it's a wound that can't be repaired, doesn't heal. I don't really look back very much any longer at anything from my childhood. I don't have the ability to connect with people. Maybe that is something entirely different. I sort of gave up on trying to figure out what is wrong with me, I just started accepting the dull minutia of everyday living and am no longer trying to rebrand myself by becoming a yoga master or whatever self help trend thing is out there.

[Ales2]

Thanks for your input Garbanzo. Sorry for the delayed response, not sure how I missed your post!

Wasted time, wound not healing, inability to connect with others,  giving up the struggle to find something wrong w/ us... I can relate to all of those.

As for giving up the struggle that something is wrong with us. This is a great paradox of being involved with a Narcissist (notice I don't say "victim of Narcissist", I have a strong dislike of the "victim" label).  In some ways, there is nothing wrong with us, we have been harmed and deserved to be loved and accepted for who are/were. But instead of being loved and accepted, we suffered, and some of us developed faulty coping mechanisms. 

What was hard for me was that some of those coping mechanisms worked very well for me for a long time. Being outgoing, a hard worker , extremely disciplined, achiever and people pleaser seemed to work very well in many situations. Now I have a hard time doing those things because they don't feel right to me anymore. Some of those qualities I want back!