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Couldn't sum it up any better than this

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sKePTiKal:
I have to share this snippet of writing with you all. It comes from a description of a life experience of a dear friend and mentor who passed on a few years back. His daughter is just now transcribing several of his stories and recollections. Yes, it's out of context - but it DOES stand on it's own, without the rest of the story around it. You'll see why.

It hit me square between the eyes when I read it. This is our experiences; our lives; in a nutshell.


--- Quote ---We have learned how children grow up lacking love, losing confidence in themselves, and because parents don't show them they are worthwhile, they believe they don't matter, so there is no reason to expect that the world will respect them.

Without self-respect, the child's behavior becomes self-defeating. Without love, they adopt any loyal companion. Without positive values, they adopt materialism, because they see it as the only road to pride. That pride is lonely on a cold night, but it is all that exists for one who never got love, and doesn't know how to give it.
--- End quote ---

Hopalong:
That is powerful, and beautifully written, Amber. Thanks for sharing this.

I realize I don't fully fit into it, though. Really gave me pause.

Without self-respect, the child's behavior becomes self-defeating. That's for sure, but I was so steeped in my vision of WWJD, that self-abnegation felt right. I would make painful choices that might look like lack of self-respect and probably were, but I was doing them FOR a principle I'd absorbed. Very confusing. If I think of it as assertiveness, yes, it took decades to learn about that.

Without love, they adopt any loyal companion. That was true and still is true for me. I was loved by my father, but he couldn't overcome the toxicity of my mother, brother, and mean-girls culture. But he really did have a radiant heart and gentle nature, and even without overt/psycho-knowledgable support, I always knew he loved me. HE had the loyalest heart I have encountered in my life. So I tend to think most folks who are loyal are truly worth loving back. That gets me into occasional trouble with confusing loyalty with dependency, and there's a balance needed. But on balance, I cop to this one in general.

Without positive values, they adopt materialism, because they see it as the only road to pride. That pride is lonely on a cold night...  This one I dodged, for which I am very grateful. I was taught frugality and modesty of lifestyle. (I don't view it as "modesty" but that's I think how my parents felt it.) Materialism has never hooked me even a little bit (though fear of poverty has). I really get creating comfort and beauty in a small space and taking pleasure in simple things. I would truly like the freedom having a bit more $$ would bring (to write, now, rather than still have to work). And it was important to me to get my wee house paid off so I could leave it free and clear for my D. I do love cool cars because my first BF/love lived on a huge estate and taught me to drive on a Jaguar but I drive a 17 y/o CRV that I still think is the most gorgeous car I've ever owned.

Gotta go work. Thanks for this, Amber.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Yeah, I didn't really get the materialistic thing either. I think I substituted "safety & security" in that spot. And since I really DID gravitate like a moth to a flame for any resemblance of caring... I made mistakes. I was looking at face value; taking words over actions sometimes; and making unholy bargains in the process.

The difference between that and someone who does love is like night and day.

lighter:

--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on January 31, 2017, 10:47:50 AM ---I was looking at face value; taking words over actions sometimes; and making unholy bargains in the process.

The difference between that and someone who does love is like night and day.

--- End quote ---

Amber.... what you wrote above really hit home for me. 

"Unholy bargains....."
 ::sigh::

Lighter

Hopalong:
Me too.
What she said.

Powerful distillation.

What's sacred now is knowing, and staying present, and finding joy.

love
Hops

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