Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Couldn't sum it up any better than this
sKePTiKal:
How long have we been here? The Amazons and the board? I think I count 10 years or more.
In that amount of time, as I've healed and dipped my toe into interacting socially again in different places and ways... I have found so many people with stories like ours. Some not as frightful or sad; some beyond our ability to imagine ourselves in those situations. But consistently, each and every one of those people has their OWN story, struggle, inner sadness.
We're not so odd, really, is the conclusion I come to.
I still have problems getting too close to someone else's story, or getting too entangled trying to help. Always re-awakens my own and I get to refresh my emotional memory of those places. Just had someone ask me this week - someone with a story that should be a book; and it would be an international thriller - how to "let go". LOL. Good thing he asked me because he's got an engineer's mind and the way I approached that was functional, rather than philosophical or psychological. It'll get him started on his path anyway.
My friend who just lost her hubby, with the same name as mine, has been a challenge for me. I did teeter close to the edge of the cliff of falling back into pool of grief for a bit. But she's on the practical and pragmatic side of personalities and hasn't been pulling me into that - it's more me recalling my own walk.
So it's February 1 - rabbit, rabbit - and now is the time we have winter and spring concurrently. I've been in the new place long enough to have to dust. LOL. This is how you measure time when you're trying to separate yourself from the rat-race social and media filled world. When I thought an offer might be coming in on the beach house, I looked at the pictures online again. I was sad - because of so many memories there... so many people in them. But now I get to do that again here. And at the little cabin.
I'm a little unsure of what my "purpose" is - couldn't write a mission statement about this phase of my life if I tried. But there aren't any deadlines for turning those in, either. I'm not quite ready to declare a direction that I'm going in, but it might be time to try some things on. I just know that I've had 3 months to simply BE (along with arranging the stuff that I cared enough to bring) and just "try on" this new place. I might know it well enough to start making real plans now.
lighter:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on February 01, 2017, 08:03:19 AM ---I'm a little unsure of what my "purpose" is - couldn't write a mission statement about this phase of my life if I tried. But there aren't any deadlines for turning those in, either. I'm not quite ready to declare a direction that I'm going in, but it might be time to try some things on. I just know that I've had 3 months to simply BE (along with arranging the stuff that I cared enough to bring) and just "try on" this new place. I might know it well enough to start making real plans now.
--- End quote ---
Amber.... I'll be interested in seeing your plan come together. You've learned a lot about yourself in the past 3 months. You don't have to sail a course if you set one.... you can alter it, or change it as necessary. It doesn't have to feel perfect.... I'm reminding myself too.
I can't put together an exact mission statement either, I'm afraid. I put off BIT training till June while applying for another course to fill the gap.... it offers important credentials I'll need. I'm not sure I'm ready for it..... but intend to jump anyway.
I went through boxes of photos over the holidays. Turns out it hurt less than trying to fill out DD16's application to a very conservative boarding school. There's a deadline. :shock: And so many boxes to fill in. :shock: 4000 characters or less. :shock:
I'm afraid it's got me a bit shocky. I visit it in spits and spurts while envying Hops' and DD16's language art skills (with much admiration.) I hope DD16 gets the scholarship she's applying for. She does have the test scores, but there's so many moving parts. Overwhelming. I want her to have this if she really wants it, but it might not be her path. I think she'll be OK if it doesn't happen, but...
I'm trying to embrace radical acceptance consistently...... release expectation....... breath.
I'm trying to understand/make peace with what was, so I can live in the now.
::nodding::
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Lighter, success is scary isn't it? ::nodding::
Your DD16 sounds like she has a huge advantage over other applicants, to me. Along with you and her sister, she's lived through more life already - healed from some really painful things - and PROCESSED them enough to have a sense of wholeness of SELF. She'll be more conscious of the things that she grows into, choice of paths, etc. These are skills that are light-years ahead of some 26 year olds.
Yep, she's probably got characteristics and mental/emotional strengths that need to grow to catch up, for a technical "balance"... but it does sound like Mom knows how to step back, let D do her thing, and then be there to de-brief, critique, and guide when asked.
It's gonna be OK, everything will be all right Lighter. And it will be perfect - without anyone trying to make it so - all by itself.
lighter:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on February 03, 2017, 07:47:24 AM ---It's gonna be OK, everything will be all right Lighter.
--- End quote ---
You know what, Amber?
Sometimes it's comforting to read/hear that.
Thanks,
Light
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