Interesting, Lighter. Reminds me of how I could explain things from neuroscience/psychology. (and still do sometimes)
But the way I read it from my current "being"... the pain referenced (to me) was emotional. My motivational problems are emotional. There's a link to "Getting Started" tips... which for me is - guess what? - emotional. Or perhaps that's just the lens that I'm experiencing things through right now.
I've studied these "systems" and techniques for transformation, becoming, and being for such a long time now. I think, for my own way, I can explain it all as the balance between mind - emotion - will- health/body/brain - spirit/soul - and actions. And that turns out to fit nicely in the Taoist traditions, of all things. LOL... how does a redneck kid, who starts out life dragging the anchor of a very dysfunctional famiily... come to settle into a taoist frame of mind???? Especially, with a lot of judeo-christian imagery/mystery artifacts layered onto it.
So, despite the concern of others that what I've been doing lately is somehow a "bad thing" - unhealthy - I've protected, guarded, and demanded this long, long time alone - with many days of outwardly appearing to "do" nothing. My own sense of work ethic has jumped up to judge me about "over indulging" in "down time". But I'm not simply "existing" in a passive, stuck, or negative state. My old friend guilt has tried to return and been summarily dismissed. But I'm not "doing nothing" - Not at all.
I'm getting to know the whole emotional part of me; the nuances and wry funnies; the subtle frustrations connected to a neglected "I want..." or forsaken (for the sake of others) dream. I have space and time to PAY ATTENTION to that now and don't have to balance it with any obligation to anyone else. Well, OK - I have to feed, play with, and snuggle the kitty. That part of me has had to take a back seat, go sit in the corner and shut up & put up for so long... that I hardly know her. I know what other people have said she is. Because she has a really hard time explaining herself.
I'm trying to find a way for her to express herself adequately, so she can be involved in all the stuff the rest of me has going on. It's a worthwhile project. Some of the choices I made decorating aren't 'quite right', she's told me. And I've been trying to suss out just what's "off" or "too much" or out of whack. Before I start diving into a lot of the bigger projects to come.
The beach house won't close until the first few days of May. And I'm going to be working through precisely this "getting to know you" stuff between now & then. I haven't done much for me, except this... or spent much money on myself or "what I want" to create "cozy" here... saving my pennies to be able to afford to move very quickly and pay for some BIG projects around here that should make all the difference in the world in how this place "feels" - start to reveal it's potential for being a self-sustaining corner of God's green earth - and truly satisfy that emotional "me".
'Coz until SHE'S satisfied & happy at what I'm "making"... ain't nobody happy. LOL.
