Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Things that make me happy II
lighter:
It's time for another TTMMH thread, IMO: )
Being in the zone... doesn't matter what I'm doing.... just being there is good.
When something CLICKS.... suddenly I SEE connections, solutions and creative alternatives that eluded me before.
Reclining after dinner with friends on the back porch after a meal.... so drowsy. I don't like fighting the body's need to relax completely. Some would doze off while others talked, and my porch is suited to this with it's old quilts, and wide benches.... much better for that than for enjoying meals, IMO.
A glass of Kendall Jackson Chardonnay with little pieces of perfectly ripe pear.
Baby arugula, pear, goat cheese, walnuts and a light balsamic dressing.
PIZZA night where everyone gets to make their own pizza. My friend brought almond flour crusts he made.... SO crunchy and good.
Clean surfaces to work on.
Snuggling a sleepy pug.
Snuggling my sleeping teens.
Getting fire pit cleaned out, and lined with a nice ash bed.... my oldest dd16yo who knows how to do it the right way, and was happy to lead on the project.
Walking in the forest out back, night or day, with my girls and pug. My 14yo dd and I walked for an hour after dark earlier this week. It was just as much fun as walking in the day. We walked late at night after a very heavy snowfall earlier in the year.... the moon was so bright....we didn't need flashlights.
Working in the yard with the girls.
Twoapenny:
Wow all of those would make me happy, Lighter!
Getting jobs done around the flat is making me happy at the minute. I can see in my mind how I want it to be, really cosy and comfortable with lots of interesting, memory related bits and pieces around. Getting a step closer to that each time I do a job feels nice :)
The garden is exploding at the minute, beautiful colours coming up and I'm loving just watching to see how it takes shape on its own. I don't want to change it, I'll just keep it tidy as it looks very natural and I really like that. I will plant some flowers here and there, I'd like to plant things that attract bees and butterflies and I am hoping to grow a few veggies next year and try companion planting. There's a small area by the front door that I'm thinking of covering with colour throughout the year so I'm spending time watching which bits get sun and which stay in shade so I can decide what to plant. That makes me happy.
Snuggles with the cat! She's affectionate but on her terms so it's nice to feel chosen :)
Son does not tolerate snuggles in any way, shape or form anymore but hearing him crack a joke or watching him fall into utterly helpless laughter makes me really happy.
Having an empty weekend in front of me feels lovely, and that makes me feel happy. I used to dread spending a holiday alone, now I look forward to the time to relax, get some jobs done and go for some nice walks.
lighter:
I'm trying to think what makes me happy NOW, in this moment.....
nothing. Well.... I marinated a beautiful pork roast in Cuban spices for 3 days, and that was a lovely meal this evening, but....
I'm in a not great place... worrying..... a truck load of stuff in the garage, on counter tops.......... my sf, and mother's stuff.... stuff she didn't use, but had all around her.... just stuff.... old stuff.... and it's cramping my head space having it around. Having it cluttering my space...... and my sf's not well.... sf fell, which is why I went to see him. He'd been piling up stuff for months..... stuff he wanted me to load up, and take. I think he feels his children think of it all as junk, and would just pitch it, and he thinks of it as pieces of his life with my mother.... pieces of his heart really.
That's a lot of responsibility...... having pieces of lives and hearts to deal with.
::nodding::
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on April 14, 2017, 07:06:54 PM ---I'm trying to think what makes me happy NOW, in this moment.....
nothing. Well.... I marinated a beautiful pork roast in Cuban spices for 3 days, and that was a lovely meal this evening, but....
I'm in a not great place... worrying..... a truck load of stuff in the garage, on counter tops.......... my sf, and mother's stuff.... stuff she didn't use, but had all around her.... just stuff.... old stuff.... and it's cramping my head space having it around. Having it cluttering my space...... and my sf's not well.... sf fell, which is why I went to see him. He'd been piling up stuff for months..... stuff he wanted me to load up, and take. I think he feels his children think of it all as junk, and would just pitch it, and he thinks of it as pieces of his life with my mother.... pieces of his heart really.
That's a lot of responsibility...... having pieces of lives and hearts to deal with.
::nodding::
Lighter
--- End quote ---
It's amazing how we equate stuff with people and can't give away the stuff because it means ending our connection with them :( I suppose when they are things that someone you love, loved, it's like rejecting them or casting what they loved aside. How hard for you Lighter, but nice of you to take them for him so he isn't having to deal with that at the mo. I've not really any practical advice I'm afraid, other than wondering if you have anywhere you could keep them safely but unobtrusively until you or SF are able to decide where things need to go? Sorry you're having to deal with this x
lighter:
You hit it directly on the head, Tupp. I did take much of the stuff so sf wouldn't have to deal with it. So he felt it was dealt with, cared for, and cherished.... safely off his plate..... some small peace of mind restored. I did this with an elderly neighbor many years back.... I took much of it to Goodwill.....then she moved out of her retirement home, and wanted some of it back! Duoh!
I'll get a rush of energy, edit and cull, then purge to cleanse my mind and space. There are things I want to offer up to the cousins.... and I will.
Right now I'm in the kitchen with my 16yodd and we're cooking.... BAKING really. Waiting for yeast to proof. bacon is cooked, and waiting to go into fluffy brunch eggs.
Music in the background playing.... CCR..... yes.
I'm learning to let the waves roll over me, just noticing them, not becoming a part of them.... getting roiled around by them is just part of the journey, and it's OK to name them, and recover my footing.
CCR is one of those things I really enjoy right now.
All will be well: )
Lighter
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