Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
This and That
Hopalong:
Lighter, I don't know what/whom/why you're dealing with right at this moment.
But I can hear that you feel overwhelmed, and beset, and anxious.
I'm very sorry.
You've been through a LOT lately, with enormous adrenaline crashing and surging, and it's clear you're running on fumes.
If I could send you some magical chamomiley potion that would remind you...you are the woman patient enough to plant a yardfull of moss, to cope with cranky/crazy situations in the Caribbean, to come home to deal with your stepdad's funeral and all Those Family Things...
You've got to be beyond exhausted.
Time for self-kindness on steroids.
Breathe, find peace, even little pieces.
You'll get through this passage too.
I'm sorry to hear the fear and tension in you, and hope windows of light will quickly start cracking open, reminding you, it's going to be okay.
love,
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on April 18, 2018, 01:44:16 PM ---Thank you for those beautiful words, Hops.
We'll have a lovely fire for my father.... here..... and you can say a few words.
Everyone in their Amazon garb.... everyone dancing.
::sigh::.
I'm afraid I'm a bit paralyzed by other people's emotions today. They say it's easy to hurt strong people..... well... one of my best friends said that to me once..... and I find it's true.
People, who HAVE to lash out....
they have to really dig deep..... go for jugulars... for life threatening choices when we don't squeak easy.
I've really noticed how the PD people whine, and moan and scream..... solidly claiming the victim high ground.
And it's so terribly useful.... so terribly..... confusing.
That big dark stink cloud of confusion..... is the PD's very good weapon.
Those of us telling the truth, calmly, with stoicism and zero drama..... actually telling the story without telling the entire PD truth, bc it makes us sound insane when we speak THAT kind of truth.....
I've had a very good look at that, up close, lately. I've made some discoveries.... and don't take what follows the wrong way. I know I have to take some walls down. Some barricades have served their purpose... but....
Sadly, I've decided I'm going to have to build taller, stronger thicker walls in some directions. And that's the thing, right? Figuring all that out..... from behind the stink of PD confusion CLAIMING we're harming them when we take care of ourselves... when we have boundaries, any kind at all..... when we should have our minds clear and going about the business of handling our lives.... we're instead dealing with PD chaos manufacture coupled with finger pointing, and all the interpersonal terrorism that goes with. Everyone here knows what that is. What it looks like.
And I'm going to be drawing lines in the sand again.... very soon. Erasing some, sure, moving them back..... figuring out which is which, and how to go about it.
Hops..... you don't have to draw lines at the T's office. Get information that helps find those lines.... then worry about how to draw them, and when.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Lighter, my first every T, lovely lady, similar age to my mum so very therapeutic to have a 'mum' therapist, talked to me about the importance of building a fence around your emotions, your thoughts, your heart and so on, and putting a gate in it so you can let the good people in and keep other people out. She said you wouldn't leave your front door wide open so anyone could wander in off the street so you shouldn't do that with your heart, either. It made so much sense to me and I think you do have to be discerning about who is in your life and who needs to be relegated to a card at Christmas and nothing else. I think particularly when you lose someone, you see the best in some people and the worst in others. Life can just go from us without notice or warning and I think filling it with good people/energy/experiences is so much better for us than tolerating others for whatever reason. I hope you've been able to find a way through it all at the moment.
Love Tupp xx
PS I kept trying to post this yesterday and couldn't for some reason, so am hoping it is better behaved today :) xx
sKePTiKal:
I would restate Tupp's idea into a mantra or motto this way:
You can't fix crazy.
All you can do is manage how, when, & where you HAVE TO come in contact with it. Lots of times, you don't HAVE TO anything. Because no matter what you do/don't do... crazy just keeps on the way it's always been.
But then, I have a bunch of silly ideas about the general topic of "people". And I'm scrupulously picky about the people I allow around me. Made some mistakes; sure! And learned from them. Dusted myself off... and continued on life's "adventure".
lighter:
Hi Guys:
Today I'm plodding through emotional concrete trying to book a venue, and fiddler for father's memorial service. I have exactly what, and who I'd like... just have to nail dates with them if they'll contact me back.
Look up Ashokan Farewell played on fiddle..... and Wind River Waltz.... and Midnight On The Water. It's breaking my heart, it's so beautiful, and what I'd like to hear at this service..... esp if we can book the botanical gardens we have in mind. I'll have moss center pieces everywhere... with moss from father's farm.
I can hardly think today. Can hardly breath. This is the day it's finally sunk in.... my father is really gone.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
So only do what you have to dear. I was on a "diet" of only one thing a day, when I felt like that. And if I didn't do that one thing (or talked myself out it)... I LET IT HAPPEN and didn't fuss at myself. Obviously, it was what I needed at that moment.
It's not a bad thing to learn to do. Did it again today, because I didn't relish going out in this chilly steady rain to take my first lesson at the controls of my new equipment. Postponed everything till Thursday.
As a result, the world did NOT come to an end and no one's terribly upset by it.
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