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Season's Greetings and Thanks

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Twoapenny:
Morning everyone,

Well it's Christmas Day here in the UK.  I know for some it's lovely and for some it's the worst time of the year.  So whatever your situation and however you are getting through the day I wish you all the best for the future.  Thank you all so much for your support throughout the year; I really don't know what I'd do without you all.  Particular thanks to Dr G for setting this up and keeping it running and giving us this lovely safe, supportive space.

Season' Greetings, everyone, and I wish you all health and healing in the coming months.

Love Tup xx

Twoapenny:
Wow, the day is grinding along!  We kept it quiet and low key, my son copes best that way, a few gifts, some food, we would have gone for a walk but the boiler broke so we had to wait for the repair man and it was dark by the time he left.  I have a filthy cold and keep getting a little burst of energy followed quickly by a near collapse.  It kind of feels like an enforced day of solitude.  Anyway, nearly done now.  I am hoping to get some sleep tonight, last night was bad!

Hopalong:
Thanks and gratitude ditto, Tupp, and likewise need for endurance (boiler burst! Damn!).
Hope you get good rest, Tupp, and that the enforced solitude turns into peace.

Here's a long self-absorbed ramble to entertain you (hah). I'm lolling in bed, reading my brains out. Just ate scrambled eggs and greens with rice vinegar. Tasted like a feast (my pooch loves cleaning the skillet). Writing away, not doing anything much. Need to do a drawing which is to be my belated holiday gift to B. (I'm using a pointy wooden stylus and the scratch-off black coated paper with silver foil underneath. It'll be a portrait of a black standard poodle, like his. I'm no good at drawing without staring at something so will be copying a pooch photo I found online, with good lighting.)

Got a call from B with an offer to stop by on his family/sick friend rounds but I declined. Will look forward to seeing him later in the week but alone at home is, today, a nicer way to spend the day. I know being alone on Xmas inspires some to pity but for the most part, not participating in the holiday has brought me more happiness than trying to plug in. If you have family, Xmas makes sense (I do have close friends but they have plans, and those I'm closest to have been in touch in recent days). My very dearest friends are stopping overnight on the 28th, and B will join us for dinner. I don't feel neglected, just peaceful.

I like the quiet and lack of traffic and simplicity of this enforced low-activity day. Partly because it's like so many of my days! It really is nice though, to see cars disappeared from the street.

I'm noticing I'm not depressed. Feel better in the world because of B's interest (problematic though it can be). Today is very sunny and I'm savoring that, even though I haven't gone out. I told him on the phone that I feel happy today and he has a lot to do with it. He said I have everything to do with the joy in his life and called me "Sweetie." Well, gosh.

Another reason I might be feeling better is that two nights in a row now, I've taken a medication I reluctantly went to a doc in search of. I knew my sleeping schedule was extremely messed up and that it could have to do with depression (wanting to be in bed all the time). I personally can't tolerate SSRIs or their side effects. But I also can't f*ing go to sleep on my own, and the problem was intensifying with 4am sleep time becoming nearly routine. Can't do a job or be in the world very positively that way. I remembered years ago I was prescribed gabapentin for my significant RLS (restless legs syndrome). I went off it during a period when I felt over-medicated and just wanted to get off everything prescribed, and basically did. (Except for Ambien which I used since the years with my mother.)

Since I do have recurring nerve pain (and increased flailing legs at night when my back is upset), I mentioned that drug to the doc, and he thought trying it again was a fine idea. It's off-label for sleep or depression but anecdotally, has helped many with those issues. So I'm taking about 1/6 of the common dose but noticed immediately that I got to sleep and felt more awake and normal when I woke in the morning. (The not being depressed is situational, as one wouldn't respond to an anti-depressant in two days I'm sure. The depression I have is mostly exogenous, I think. Daughter, money, futureworry. I'm just not interested in regular antidepressants, at least now.)

Posted a comment to the NYTimes about agnosticism that made me happy. It was in response to an opinion piece/essay about faith vs doubt.

That's about it. Lazy as usual and avoidant too. But I guess that's my Merry Christmas to me!

Love, peace, endurance, courage and hope to every one--

Hops
PS--Happy Hannukah, Doc! May your huge menchitude bring you peace and joy every day, always.

Twoapenny:
That sounds like a really nice day, Hops, and I'm glad you got some sleep.  Our day has been fine - this is the first year I noticed that I haven't felt a deep sense of loss at not having family to spend the day with.  I would like to have someone special in my life, though, that felt very clear to me today.  I've kept it quiet so as not to overload my boy and it seems to have done the trick, he doesn't look as tired as he did this morning so hopefully we've made it through without him having a big crash over the next few days.  I did get quite bored this afternoon but that's as much to do with feeling so rough I didn't really have the energy to do anything much.  But yes, this was definitely the easiest Christmas for a long time.

lighter:
Happy holidays, guys: )
I'm​ happy to count you as friends. 
Hugs, and Happy New Year to you all.

Thank you, Doc G for keeping this forum alive. 
Lighter

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