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End of the Road Farm

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sKePTiKal:
Well, since I inherited the business, I had to learn a lot of things about protecting myself from those who would take advantage. My doc big brother has also pounded it into my head. And then, it's always been easier for me to talk about "feeling things" with complete strangers online... and never ever breathe a word of how my situation financially is laid out. So......... he doesn't know my name; doesn't know where I live; there is absolutely nothing he can find to identify me without having some more information.

So..... flirting I can do, without giving away any important data. It's fun, I'm a little rusty, and truly scared of just this kind of thing. So.... except for the Viking revenge fantasies I've got - LOL - I'll probably just kill that email address... block him on the website... and simply not play his little game. I got work to do anyway.

I'll chalk it up to a good lesson about how quick I am to be flattered by attention. And try to remember that from now on. I've kissed enough toads in my day, looking for a prince. One failure of this sort isn't enough to dissuade me. (The number of toads might though.)

Lighter, I KNOW about this risk going into the situation. It's a calculated risk; like how many toads you go through before finding a prince. I'm not making this full time pursuit/hobby either. I really do have too much to do to waste a lot of time looking at these pages & pages of guys like I was picking out a new rake or curtains. If I don't take the risk... I'm choosing to be alone, it feels like. And I know I don't want to choose that for myself. If that's what happens, I'm OK with it... but I'm not going to overtly deny myself either.

Ya know: the steps I'm making are probably smaller than I realize. They feel big... but just being able to take the risk talking/flirting is only one small step to "getting back on the horse".

lighter:
Well, you sound pragmatic enough about this, Amber.

Wading in, with eyes wide open, is what you're ready for.

Wade away, and we'll learn as you go;. )

Light

sKePTiKal:
The baby-chick Viking woke up PO'd. Only partly at being misled by this guy. More at myself.

60 some years of experience moving through the same environment filled with predators (of one sort or another) and well-honed SOP defenses (the shield wall)... and simple lonliness blinded me for a moment and let myself believe in a fairy-tale and trust someone... only to have none of it check out... and to have that hope dashed uncermoniously on the rocks of factual evidence. Who knows? I might've continued talking to him, IF, he'd been honest about who he was. Even the VAT tax number on his website didn't check out; useful brother checked on that for me.

I would theorize that there is probably a lot of room between the two extremes of completely open and vulnerable (and blind) and the self-limiting steel bunker-mentality. And that I've never really been completely one way or the other, though the tendency has been more bunker than not. Mostly because I was so detached from feeling anything for so long, that it was way out of my comfort zone to be that trusting. And to trust myself to feel anything from that realm was a no-no... because I seem to have that primal desire to fall all the way into it without engaging brain.

It sure was a whole lot easier to navigate that feeling continuum with new people, when I knew Mike had my back. And I depended on it. Didn't have to do the work, myself; I had a ready 2nd opinion. Maybe.... it's idea time... maybe I need to think of this as more of a "job interview" and I'm looking for those kinds of qualifications - someone to have my back, help me feel safe, that I can trust. All prioritized above the mooshy-gooshy fairy-tale stuff.

I certainly wouldn't hire someone who faked their resume and wouldn't think twice about passing them over for someone with real potential.

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on February 20, 2018, 08:10:34 AM ---The baby-chick Viking woke up PO'd. Only partly at being misled by this guy. More at myself.

60 some years of experience moving through the same environment filled with predators (of one sort or another) and well-honed SOP defenses (the shield wall)... and simple lonliness blinded me for a moment and let myself believe in a fairy-tale and trust someone... only to have none of it check out... and to have that hope dashed uncermoniously on the rocks of factual evidence. Who knows? I might've continued talking to him, IF, he'd been honest about who he was. Even the VAT tax number on his website didn't check out; useful brother checked on that for me.

I would theorize that there is probably a lot of room between the two extremes of completely open and vulnerable (and blind) and the self-limiting steel bunker-mentality. And that I've never really been completely one way or the other, though the tendency has been more bunker than not. Mostly because I was so detached from feeling anything for so long, that it was way out of my comfort zone to be that trusting. And to trust myself to feel anything from that realm was a no-no... because I seem to have that primal desire to fall all the way into it without engaging brain.

It sure was a whole lot easier to navigate that feeling continuum with new people, when I knew Mike had my back. And I depended on it. Didn't have to do the work, myself; I had a ready 2nd opinion. Maybe.... it's idea time... maybe I need to think of this as more of a "job interview" and I'm looking for those kinds of qualifications - someone to have my back, help me feel safe, that I can trust. All prioritized above the mooshy-gooshy fairy-tale stuff.

I certainly wouldn't hire someone who faked their resume and wouldn't think twice about passing them over for someone with real potential.

--- End quote ---

Skep, I think you're being too hard on yourself; you had no reason to doubt anything this guy told you (and personally, as much as I've been let down and done over over the years I still really don't want to become a cynical, untrusting person) and you very sensibly (and with ninja like skills!) checked out his info and found it to be false.  You didn't let yourself be blinded because you were lonely; you assumed he was a decent human being instead of judging him instantly (something I tend to do and am working on), you found out some info about him and checked it and when you found it was bogus you deleted him (or whatever the equivalent action is!).  Sensible and balanced approach and one that has stood you in good stead :)

I think it's sensible to think in terms of 'job interview' and to look for the key qualities that are important for you.  The minute a guy I barely know starts paying me compliments I switch off, because I think it's just smooze.  I want honestly, reliability, cool head in a crisis kind of people around me (male and female).  So be pissed off for a bit but don't let it set you back too far; you caught this before any harm was done and unfortunately the internet has bred a whole new kind of con artist but you saw it for what it was and didn't get taken in by it. xx

sKePTiKal:
Thanks Tupp. I'm going to work off some of my ego-bruises and stomped hopes and PO'd-ness. It's trying to be spring here... and there is just SOOOO much to do - inside, still and out.

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