Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
End of the Road Farm
lighter:
Well, after weather wait, and hand wringing you're in this job. I'm glad you're happily engaged, and gaining competence. Nice.
About Holly and M. A good span of time apart can only help, whatever happens, IME. You're right about that.
With someone else in your space you might feel a bit pinched, but she'll likely be out before you know it.
I wish you happy times puzzling out house, barn and and bunk room decisions.
Lighter
Hopalong:
I hope all this goes as smoothly as it can, Amber.
I have trauma memories of taking in my adult child but your situation is different.
Might be a wonderful chapter in your relationship.
Is H's plan to continue seeking work in the city where she lived with M?
But just store everything and take a break at your home before launching a new job hunt?
I forget what her work is but do remember I thought it sounded very interesting.
Senilely,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
She's one of those people whose name shows up in the credits of tv shows and films, Hops. Special Effects. Right now, there isn't anything filming in her city. She would have to go to Atlanta, NC or New Mexico - and work for another crew/boss than she's worked so far. IF she hears of something in her city, she would prefer to settle in there - has a lot of friends, after all this time.
Working for someone else would be an opportunity to learn more about her craft and build her resume such, that she could seek out work on her own a little more. She has worked on some commercials by herself and some independent short films.
She has a big personality; big in a different way than mine. But over the term of this relationship she's matured a lot and even shut her natural exuberance down. She did defer a lot of things - personal things she wanted to work on to allow her to work on the relationship. Now she wants to catch up on those. And the LAST thing she wants is to get involved with someone else right now. Hanging out with me, gives her a buffer from being in a setting where she might very well meet someone. This choice is intentional on her part. I am hardly her "last resort" and this isn't a "return to mom's nest" -- just a "timeout" from life while she explores & sorts. She will require a lot of space - which she wasn't getting the right kind within the relationship. She and I know how to do that.
I'm going to have to get out the short leash on my mom-reflexes though. She IS 40; has a rich experiential life already; and different thresholds for adventure and caution but is a lot more able to take care of herself and do that well... than I was. No way does she look or give off the impression of being "middle aged"... not with the long thick hair and tattoos and tall lean bod... and her ability to flip a switch from totally deep adult conversation to playing like she's a kid is most charming. She's competent, reliable, takes instruction well, knows to shut down her ego and ask questions if she doesn't understand something and takes care of other people as much as she also wants the same in return. And I can't take any credit for this -- she's chosen that path and done well with it with tools she had at 15-16. There HAVE been detours and crises; but mostly because of her sister impacting us. She even has that pretty well under control these days. Resolved in her mind - if not in reality - what her limited choices are for handling that.
So now it's time for her to learn what new opportunities will be there for her, when I'm gone... and think on her choices for that time. LOL... my guy in charge said I could do like my Dad did with him. He'd only been on the job for 3 days when my Dad said "Adios, I'm going to Florida for the winter". And he had to figure it out on his own. Same thing happened to me, when I got over the shock of what I'd inherited. But I've been winging it for so long - and had Mike to help - that except for dealing with my brother... there weren't many difficult challenges. The little ones scared the crap outta me; but I did plow through and pretended I knew what I was doing. She'll still face some of those - but will have plenty of grounding ahead of time.
lighter:
Hi Amber:
Your posts help me make parenting choices, and feel OK about them. I'm heading to the beach cottage for almost a month, taking youngest dd only. I'm more productive and worrying less about things I would normally get angsty about.
It's difficult to take our hands off, and let the kiddos solve their own problems, but necessary.
I'm sure you and Holly will have some great moments during this time of transition.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Your D sounds like a chip off the old block, Amber...and absolutely wonderful.
Thanks for this incredible word-portrait of her. You must be so proud.
I'm really happy for you two. And hope H finds exactly what fulfillment and
work she would love, and in the right time.
Mountains are good for the weary heart.
love
Hops
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