Well, so we're all back now. LOL. Guess our intuitions are pinging us about snow flying sooner rather than later this year. Another rainy spell meant we weren't going to get much done outside anyway and as far as wood, we're pretty well set. I have double what I had last year, split & stacked - courtesy of my workaholic D. I just need to spend a few hours for a couple days splitting kindling now, but that's a good way to work off restless energy.
The trip was a form of "knitting" too. Holly hadn't been to the shop since she was in Grade School. She got to put faces to names, and the meeting with Kelly and the lawyer was useful. She also hadn't seen my mom or bro in years & years either. And we had plenty of driving time and downtime to just be together somewhere new. Knuckles showed off on the beach at Lake MI, just how stick obsessed he is. LOL. Still, parts of it felt like an ordeal.
Both Hol & I have suffered from others imposing their wishes upon us about words, behavior, etc... and tend to "forget" and do the same thing to each other. It is the main point of friction, some days. We've parsed & deconstructed this & accepted our own mistakes and participation in those situations. Hours and hours of talking about it... diving deep into our own feelings and trying to explain (since no one can truly FEEL how another feels)... and scouting out comfortable boundaries about it. Conditioning, reflex, reaction, all that stuff that is engraved on our neural pathways from experience... and both of our paths/progress trying to manage it successfully to suit ourselves and not be a PITA to other people around us.
Our paths are different, because we didn't experience exactly the same real conditions - but the "pattern" is familiar to each of us and similar. There are angry words, when the emotional lizard brains get engaged... and it clears the air... and we CAN go on from that point with the clarification of boundary lines again. I just get frustrated at having to go through the same conversation, the same explanation of pointing out the differences between us and our paths for reconciling ourselves to the "content" and "context" of our life experiences. And she keeps trying to sledgehammer down my rock-solid choices -- which may be defenses, as she claims; but she's also not giving me credit for having tried things and not liking them... leading to my choices. I didn't just unconsciously "flee" to the woods and a slow pace and quiet life as a "reaction" to anything.
So, it's the choice itself that she find incomprehensible - because we are different. LOL. I have yet to explain Hops' theory of N-spots... but I can already see that it will get brought up and probably apply to both of us. And that's OK.
We had dinner with my long-time BFF and she was commenting how much like me, Hol is. Yes -- and no. The differences are strikingly important. And are natural, "right", and the way things should be. She is NOT a mini-me... and I would never want her to be. On the other hand, the number of times we dress exactly the same or the same words come out of our mouths... LOL. V did do a lot of defending me, and why I chose what I did. I think, the salient point Hol isn't able to grok yet is age-related; phase of life. And she has a lot of fear surrounding the slow realization of just what that consists of for me - and WHY.
Since she's 40 - footloose & fancy-free - and physically in great shape, her path and choices right now are going to be different from mine. More power to her! It's a great opportunity to intentionally re-evaluate and reflect on her choices... and I don't need to be involved in that design process. Sure, I want & need some things too. I'm not falling back into "mom will take care of everything and you too" mode. She has rebounded from the whole Matt thing pretty strongly - but not in a flailing sort of way - and has (I think) pretty quickly transitioned into the "What am I, who am I, where am I going NOW" phase. She can dive deep into those intense feelings - and that scares everyone but me; but she doesn't spend a LOT of time there. She does it; puts in a chapter of the past... and keeps on truckin'. Her ability to process all that quickly is formidable and impressive.
I tend to be like a dog with a bone, chewing on it from all angles... revisiting... until dammit, I'm sick & tired of it. Then I go do something else that to the outside world looks like it came out of the blue. Oh well. We aren't clones of each other... no matter how much we can see ourselves in other people.
So whether her decision to make the farm her "headquarters" long-term - with extended trips away for work & life works or not... the critical functional piece of that, is our individual independence and acceptance of each other. And both us learning not to be so danged sensitive and taking things so personally. LOL. There is deep understanding of the other outside of words... and she truly NEEDS to experience that right now. It's like her armor, that makes her the force of nature that she is. And she's starting to "get me", too.
So it's all good.
Going to have a crazy busy week next week - between projects, appts, her work, and a girl's night out we cooked up with her girlfriends who were here a few weeks ago. It's going to stretch my comfort zone, to go into DC for a concert somewhere I've not been before - late at night. But, I have been to many a concert - in a number of different situations and there will 4 of us crazy, independent, strong ladies. The crowds will part for us, I'm sure. LOL. Going to go see Nick Cave! I know more of his old stuff... so I'm really interested to hear the new. Ticket prices weren't astronomical either; and it's a "small hall" situation... not one of the huge concerts. So, we'll see if an old lady can still hang.
