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End of the Road Farm

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Hopalong:
Good approach!
I literally try to NOT think about them.
It's nearly impossible but that is my preference.

I've come a long way to accepting my D's absence
but with two major familyfamilyfamilyfamily celebrations
for the entire culture coming on way before they actually
occur, it feels to me like for folks like myself, the world around
us is hijacked with painful reminders in every media, in every
place, on every airwave, in every setting. So it takes a lot of
inner peace (not constantly handy) and resolve and intense
concentration and huge diversion planning and will power to
protect my heart.

It's exhausting. And regular as rain.

But I'll be okay. Probably will not have anything to say about it,
just gonna get through. Two long months.

love
Hops
PS--And I promise to hereby take my Grinchy, Scroogey crankiness
off to a separate thread whenever I feel the need to mutter humbug and pee in
peoples' eggnog. I DO HOPE that everyone I know has joy and peace
and verrrry happy holiday times! Sorry for the hijack, ((((Amber)))).
xo--Bad Santa

sKePTiKal:
Oh Hops... you know I literally don't mind a BIT, if you bring your feelings and joyful inner self to this crazy journal of babbling experiences thread. In fact, if you didn't - I'd worry bout ya! (and maybe wonder if I'd gone around the bend myself).

I have my own past holiday disasters that inspired this way of dealing of them. There is just something so EMPTY in the Hallmark card version - it's so UNreal - that it seems some malevolent fairy tale used to make people impossibly "less than" because the "family" around them won't play their parts in the story correctly. I'm not sure my method of dealing with that is all that healthy; but it seems to have reduced the power over me, that it used to have.

It is the past. Holly has been periodically nailing my butt to the floor about why I still let the past inform how I feel now, why I still refer to the past as explanation of now, about some things. And why I haven't just LET IT GO yet. Mostly to do, with Twiggy... and that whole saga, and inner child work. Which raises a separate thread's worth of questions for me. And they're not easy questions - they span quite a few levels of experience and reality... and identity. So I've been chewing on that for a bit.

I "saw" a flash of something different while she tried to persuade me - with her unrelenting logic - but I wasn't able to get it to hold still long enough to really examine it. So I "intuit" that maybe she's right; but not completely - she's getting something wrong, too. Or else, I'm way more wrong than I know.

Hopalong:
I think it's pretty amazing how much deep "work" you do with your own daughter.
And even more that you both seem to seek it out and believe it benefits your growth.

You always seem to feel positive and productive about the intense dialogues you
have with Hols.

Admiration!

xo
Hops

sKePTiKal:
I think it's kind of the silver lining in dysfunctional families, Hops. We survived years & years of crap  together and kept each other as sane as possible.

Pushing on with projects around here - winter related projects! The wind is blowing fiercely, and while the temp isn't that cold... the wind makes it truly unpleasant to be outside. So I'm doing what I can to make sure the wind doesn't get INSIDE, as well.

Hopalong:
Is your house up on a ridge, halfway up a mountainside?
What's the terrain like?

Is the wind exposure because of house positioning in landscape, a clearing, or just the general nature of being on a mountainside where everybody's hit by full wind force?

Glad you're draft stopping. Can't insulate the whole place but hope you find many supplemental ways to tighten it up.

xxoo
Hops

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