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End of the Road Farm

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Hopalong:
I'm really happy that you've got a grip on slow and low stress with Mr. Viking!

And that you'll get a chance to meet.

Why not? (That's the only bumper sticker on my car....Why not.)

Hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Why Not is one of the BEST questions in the universe! (The answers vary a lot more... LOL)

Hopalong:
Thought I'd respond over here to your new tidbit about the Viking, Amber.

When people show you who they are, believe them.
Something I learned somewhere was, you can get the most important clues in the very early stages of a relationship. Before a deep bond forms, they reveal themselves. That "screening" opportunity has to fight against the pull of loneliness.

Whatever Viking has sent you that caused a quick hit on Pause, please trust it.

love,
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Fear not. This is the female with "flee" hardwired into her brain, you know. I did relay my opinion to him, about what he shared. Let's wait (till the weekend likely) to see if he responds to that.

So far, I've noticed that when I ask questions - he doesn't answer them. The message format there isn't very conducive to holding a conversation, and he is usually about to fall asleep in his chair when I get a message. I'm not going to try to mind read.

So I'm not terribly emotionally invested in this "conversation" at this point. Still going very slowly and mostly talking about things that he can't identify me with. And vice versa... although he has been little more forthcoming than I have.

Good luck today Hops! I don't think you'll have any problems with this T and imposing his values on your solution. People that do that, serve a much smaller clientele. I'd be just as wary as you - and for many of the same reasons. But you've got this.

sKePTiKal:
Well, words. Words are inadequate sometimes to accurately convey what I'm trying to share.

That said, I'm aware of "being" in a different emotional/head space these days. Almost, as if it's one of the 5 stages of Grief... that isn't even listed. Done with processing the feelings and the life "to-do" list, except for that one Mikey pile. And I still miss Mike, it's not like I can make 15 years of my life with him, disappear. It's not like I divorced him or that we're separated by choice.

It's just life. These things happen.

I'm more a whole "me" than I've been for a real long time. Not a perfect enlightened being mind you... I still have my flaws and scars and "radar warnings" that can go off in my head and either send me into hiding or awaken the Viking Shield Maiden.

Been grappling with the "importance" issue some lately. About feeling important enough to take care of myself (which I've been doing anyway), or take the first steps to solving the puzzle of being in my 60s and wanting to create a self-sustaining farm here. And how badly do I "want that"? Where am I going to compromise about being "off-grid"? What makes sense and is vital... and what is just wishful thinking and "foo-foo pretties"?

And every day, I have to choose "what's next" from "the list" - which isn't getting any shorter, let me tell ya! I'm still doing a lot just "looking"; "feeling" the spaces... drawing imaginary floating boundaries about how much I want to actively "manage" (and am able to, to my standards)... and how much I need to just "let be".

I've been letting myself just be too. Maybe too much. I think I'm actually starting to get bored. That rarely happens. I know I have cabin fever and just want to be OUTside now. Making progress; even in baby steps. Baby steps count. I've shut down the "idea factory" for now - I still have to make the things I've already envisioned. And I want to be able to see progress, instead of throwing more things "on the list".

My rosa rugosas are here; I need to dig holes and get them planted. I think I need at least one lilac bush; maybe a rose of sharon... and more edible shrubs/berries. But then there's the fencing puzzle I'm trying to solve too. Big piece of equipment to "help" me work by myself is on it's way sometime this week. I might want to buy the auger attachment for digging holes; holding off on that right now. Finally ordered seeds; even knowing I might not plant but a few this year.

There's plenty going on. People are just waiting on the weather to cooperate. As am I.

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