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lighter:
I love those lentils, Hops.  I could live on them, HAVE lived on them, but a bit allergic.  You enjoy, though Real olive oil, onions, tomatoes cooked into a paste, then garlic cooked a bit then clean lentils and water.  If your lucky enough to find black lentils, don't overcook.  Chopping radishes, tomatoes, carrots and parsley very small for accompanying salad is walking meditation for me.  Red wine vinegar, lemon, nature's seasons and good olive oil, once again, and you have perfection on a plate, IMO.

Switching gears here, I have 10 day TPO in place back home, and Thursday morning court date to extend to one year.  Attorney friend will be there to make sure all bases covered.  Have to produce texts, and wittle story down so I don't sound insane telling it.  Repeating details of disordered people's conduct CAN make us sound deranged if we fail to think it through, IME.

There are rules to these things, and I have time to get it straight, thank goodness.

Going North....hammer drill I picked up yesterday requires special tips.  Regardless of set back, we got remaining hurricane shutters up... So difficult with regular drill ( thank God ordered it too!)  Will get more drill bits to drill out rest of job....many shutters only have 6 tapcons holding them up.  I have such relief.....able to drink coffee again now....can you tell?

That's my update.  Going North with renter....we work very well together!  Yay.
Lighter



Twoapenny:
Glad that the renter is a good egg, Lighter, you need a good egg right now.  TPO, is that a restraining order of some kind?  Whatever it is it sounds like a good move.  I've found bullet pointing helpful when explaining crazy behaviour to people - x action occured/was said - I felt threatened/afraid for my safety etc.  Short and to the point.  I've read the bullet points outloud before rather than trying to explain, I don't know if they might let you do that?  Don't know how different your legal system is to ours.  Whatever way works out best, this all sounds like healthy steps forward.  I'm glad xx

lighter:
Tupp:

I've been thinking about how to tell this story so I'm heard, and not sabotaged by contractor or myself.  I posted a bit on your thread about it, actually.

I'm going to journal it all out.  Get my head straight.  Examine my evidence....domestic violence Counselor wants texts, etc....have to do what I already know to do.....tell the parts of the story I can prove, and hold compassion for contractor while doing it.

Since I can't prove all the crazy, I'll stick to what he's typed, and admitted to.  My statement to first Judge was super brief, and she felt contractor was immediate threat....gave me 10 day protective order. 

I'm not clear on it really....but he has to stay so many feet away.  Not contact me.  Thursday I ask a different aJudge for a year long Order.  Anither woman filed charges on him for assault, and uttering threats in 2016.  I have her contact info and will ask her if she has input.  He was also convicted of battery on another man. 

The thing that bothers me a lot is his focus on making me kill him.  He wrote that's the best I can do....wrote I was making a big deal over his brandishing the knife at me......said he wanted to talk things out the followed up with...
" You can punch stab me.."

He's fixated on violence.  He was escalating, and that's all I need to focus on.  Those few things are enough.  His chaos isn't relevant.  How he feels, how I feel.....just not relevant.

The facts, the evidence tells what my theory of this case is.  Not my fear, or his threats I can't prove.

Whew. 
I feel better.
((Tupp))
 Thanks for being there.

Lighter

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: lighter on May 19, 2018, 06:44:59 PM ---Tupp:

I've been thinking about how to tell this story so I'm heard, and not sabotaged by contractor or myself.  I posted a bit on your thread about it, actually.

I'm going to journal it all out.  Get my head straight.  Examine my evidence....domestic violence Counselor wants texts, etc....have to do what I already know to do.....tell the parts of the story I can prove, and hold compassion for contractor while doing it.

Since I can't prove all the crazy, I'll stick to what he's typed, and admitted to.  My statement to first Judge was super brief, and she felt contractor was immediate threat....gave me 10 day protective order. 

I'm not clear on it really....but he has to stay so many feet away.  Not contact me.  Thursday I ask a different aJudge for a year long Order.  Anither woman filed charges on him for assault, and uttering threats in 2016.  I have her contact info and will ask her if she has input.  He was also convicted of battery on another man. 

The thing that bothers me a lot is his focus on making me kill him.  He wrote that's the best I can do....wrote I was making a big deal over his brandishing the knife at me......said he wanted to talk things out the followed up with...
" You can punch stab me.."

He's fixated on violence.  He was escalating, and that's all I need to focus on.  Those few things are enough.  His chaos isn't relevant.  How he feels, how I feel.....just not relevant.

The facts, the evidence tells what my theory of this case is.  Not my fear, or his threats I can't prove.

Whew. 
I feel better.
((Tupp))
 Thanks for being there.

Lighter

--- End quote ---

Yes, sounds perfect, Lighter, focus on the proveable, particularly as there's enough for a case and he has history!! How does this mortgage lady know him?  I'm horrified she's recommending someone so dangerous and unstable.  The judge sounds as if she knows her stuff and won't be dismissive of 'female hysteria', which is good.  And good for you for going straight to the top and getting this sorted - he may have done this to other people and not been reported.  He needs to be stopped.  Can they order psychiatric or psychological help in the States?  I know here they can insist on certain treatments or therapies being part of the rehabilitation package..  Whatever goes next, I hope it is sorted as quickly and efficiently as possible.  Always here for you, my lovely friend xx xx

sKePTiKal:
Focus on not caring about what happens to him, as a result of this form of self-defense. You DON'T CARE - because you already gave him every opportunity prove that he cares about how his words & actions affect you, and he crossed that boundary, escalating to more violence each time. YOU are not responsible for his feelings, or what happens to him at this point. DONE.

Even if he'd only chosen to go the "I'm desperately in love with you; need you; can't breathe without you" route... you would STILL be in the right about your decision. That isn't enough justification for you to have see, hear, or deal with him AT ALL... and that's your right as a human being. To choose those people who you will interact with. Those types, will try to use your compassion against you. I firmly believe you shouldn't hand them that "weapon".

Mantra: "Just LEAVE ME ALONE".

Yeah, I'm turning into a tough old broad. I adore men in all their forms too. But I'll be damned if I let that get in the way of my sanity, security, and choosing how I live. And being free from fear - there's a limited amount of that, that we can create, control, and manage - so I consider that a priority, given there's so much we can't control. I enjoy my life WITHIN certain boundaries and try very hard not to negatively impact others. I expect the same from everyone else I have to deal with... and will use every tool at hand to enforce that, before resorting to the very last option.

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