Please help

[SoWorried]

I am very worried.  I have a friend, XXX, who I am pretty sure is N.  I known him online for three years.  I have just found out he is involved with a 14 year old girl online.  He is 28.  I have spoken to her, and found out that she did not even know his real name or age, and he has told her so many other lies.  XXX claims to be 25, and gave her a false name. XXX met her a year ago, when she was 13.  He has been chatting with her online, text messaging her at school, and has even phoned her.  

The girl was angry to find out about these deceptions.  However, after her initial shock and anger, she now tells me that she still loves him, and forgives him, and cannot help herself.  This is a 28 year old man, mind you...with a 14 year old school girl.  XXX is a very arrogant,  a know it all sort of person.  It seems he meets young, emotionally vulnerable girls in chat rooms and worms his way into their confidences, inspiring their admiration and love.  I am sickened.   I don't know what to do about this girl,  she won't listen to me that the relationship is very unhealthy.   XXX has no business toying with young females, encouraging them to love and worship him.  

I don't know what to do about this situation, or the girl.  She already has emotional problems, and XXX has told me she is a nymphomaniac.    She did not deny it to me either.  She is so in love with XXX, and cannot see that she has been had and used.  She isnt the only one it seems.  I have talked to a few of XXX's other friends, he takes other young women/girls under his "wing".      

How can I talk sense into this 14 year old school girl?   How can I get XXX to stop his manipulations of young girls online?   Despite his N ways, he was a friend for 3 years.   Why is XXX doing this???  Why would a 28 year old man keep encouraging a 13/14 year old school girl?  When I initially confronted him, he got all defensive and said he is only "friends", and wants to help.  How is it helping to have her fall in love with him?   How is that healthy?  

Right now I am so disgusted, I won't talk to him.  Please advise me.  


Thank you,

Worried

[bunny]

You're right to be concerned. This situation is very sick. I don't think it's possible to influence the predatory N or the girl victim involved. You can call the police, you can call Child Protective Services. Basically get some authorities to intervene.

bunny

[Anonymous]

Hi. Who are you worried about most? Him or the girls he targets? In other words, who do you want to help here?

Does he actually meet these girls, or are the relationships all online/by phone? If he meets them, does he have any sort of sexual relationship with them?

Did he tell you the identity of this 14 year-old girl, or did you find it by some other means?

Are you male or female and how old are you?

Sorry for all the questions but I’m not clear about the situation. It may help us to help you if we have a better idea. Thanks, Portia

[Anonymous]

Call the cops. That's all there is to it. You cannot stop your friend from doing this, I truly believe there is a sickness involved here. The cops can do something and will take this very seriously. Help this girl by showing her that there are legal ramifications for his behavior and he is a criminal, not a boyfriend.

Friend or not, this is a disturbed person and needs to be treated as such before he harms others.

[Anonymous]

Portia raises some good questions. What's most relevant, as has been suggested, is to contact authorities. IMO, adults have an obligation to protect children -- whatever the circumstances -- friend or no friend.

Bludie

[Anonymous]

As the father of three daughters,  I can say that I am absolutely mortified and very pissed off.  This lowlife needs to have his ass kicked. Turn him over to the police! It's called statutory rape.
Worried? Yeah you should be - for yourself! You are privy to a crime and this matter needs to be dealt with immediately. Don't mess around. Innocent children's lives are at stake.


MrT

[Portia]

Hello all, surely it would be helpful to know So Worried’s position in this if you wish to influence what happens here?

And also, So Worried, are you in the USA, Canada or UK? I’m asking because of the applicable law and enforcement agencies available. 14 is not under-age in some countries.

In addition, may I ask another question: does this 14 year old girl’s family know about this ‘relationship’? Does she have a family? If so, have you approached them?

Please tell us more.

[Portia]

I thought I’d check out what I’m talking about. See the chart at:

http://www.ageofconsent.com/ageofconsent.htm

it says the age in Canada for female/male legal sex is 14. http://www.ageofconsent.com/canada.htm Also for info see Spain where the age is 13...

So Worried: we seem to have gone down a track here with your post. I just realised, we don't know from your post whether you have met either of these people in person - your friend or the girl. Have you met them in person? Talk to you later...P

[SoWorried]

I am in my 30s.  My friend, XXX, lives in Canada, so does the girl.  I live in the US.  We are only friends by internet.  As far as I know, he has not met this girl in person.  At least he states that, and she verifies.  Their contact has been through emails, online chatting and phone calls.   XXX claims he would never try to arrange a meeting, maintaining that he is only helping her with her problems, and "guiding and nurturing"  her.  His words...not mine.  He sees nothing wrong in this.  

I am worried about the girl.  She has emotional problems, and has become very dependent upon XXX.  She makes no bones about loving him, despite finding out the truth.  I just know I would not want my daughter having anything to do with an adult male, even if it were only online.  I would be outraged.  

There is something I found online, that really struck a chord about XXX.

http://www.faqfarm.com/Health/Narcissism/2026

"If you told someone in a moment of weakness that you fancied them and a relationship with them was inappropriate on many levels then the normal person would not even respond in anyway. However, a narcissist will use this opportunity to get whatever he can from you. They are users on every level imaginable and you will see them using people."

The relationship is  inappropriate.  I do not know this girl's real name or exactly where she lives.  Otherwise I would contact her parents.  She got mad at me last night for trying to talk to her, and has blocked me.  She doesnt want to hear anything bad about XXX.   I don't really have anything to give the police, as he hasn't met up with her personally.   Plus XXX is due to leave the country in a couple of weeks to teach overseas for a year.

I am sick of men using and abusing women and young girls... emotionally and otherwise.   The internet seems to be the predator's playing ground now.  

Disgusted Now

[Portia]

There are organisations trying to tackle these problems. Maybe these will be of interest.

http://www.cyberangels.org/
http://www.ncmec.org/

I would cease contact with this man simply because it’s not doing you any good. You aren’t in a position to stop him talking to younger people on the web, but maybe you aren’t the only person noticing his activities. Best wishes Portia

[SoWorried]

Thanks Portia, and everyone for your input.

Believe me I that friendship is over.  Now I will have to find a new Spades and Hearts partner, but I cannot stomach being around a person like XXX, knowing what he really is.    I don't know why I didn't snap on him being a N before, and I should of because have a couple in my  family.  But to prey on fragile young souls is unconscienceable.  Thank you for the sites.

SW

[gardener]

Can I just say that this part of your reply jumped out at me....

Plus XXX is due to leave the country in a couple of weeks to teach overseas for a year.


Is this to teach children?
If so, this could be even more worrying......

 

[Anonymous]

I am in my 30s.  My friend, XXX, lives in Canada, so does the girl.  I live in the US.  We are only friends by internet.  

Am I missing something here? Why are YOU talking to this 14 year old girl and know so much about her emotional state? Are you male or female?

[Anonymous]

SoWorried,
With all the facts now laid out  - my apologies for being so harsh.
You did what you could for the girl. If you are blocked,  then your influence is blocked as well. Do whatever you can do to help her and other girls. Spread the word about Mr. XXX. If he lied in one instance how can you be sure he didn't lie about "meeting" girls and whatever else he's said.    

Hopefully she will be "in love" with this guy from afar and will eventually grow up.  If she is being called a Nypho then obviously, she is craving a father figure and is looking in all the wrong places. Maybe this new "love" of hers is a way of rejecting physical offers from other perverts and loving from a distance.

Your friend is still highly suspect and I would walk away from this friendship. The best thing is that he is moving away. No chance of "meeting" her for awhile.  If you know where he's moving to, then you might alert the authorities to watch him 'cause he has a habit of "taking young girls under his wings."

Since you don't know this guy really. What do have to lose? Scare the crap out of him! Threaten to turn him in. Let him know that what he is doing is wrong. Tell him how you feel. Copy and Paste some of these postings and let him see what other people think of his behavior. Give his email address out,  I'd be glad to have a little chat with him.  

Sorry for your loss! Yes,  your loss...of friendships and for time wasted in getting to know these people. Sorry that it turned out badly. Don't give up on people and don't be afraid to get to know new people.  This is what this board is about. Welcome to the wonderful world of N's and the damage they do and how "good" they make a person feel. Be angry. Grieve. Rail against the injustice of it all. Learn from your mistakes.
 
Stay with us and work this out
MrT