Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Beware the scorned NM
Ales2:
So, I agreed to 3 sessions and today will be session #3.
I'm going in a open, cooperative and neutral mood. I got over the marginalization I felt at the last session, and the resulting epiphany that I am 50 and if we can't get along by now, it was not meant to be. I wouldn't waste my time at a job or with a recruiter that did not know my value based on my experience, I would just move on to another job or another recruiter.
Anyway, I am interested to see if he is getting the problem we have or just going for the quick fix, learn to communicate and avoid landmines. Landmines are the problem. Why keep building and tip-toeing around them, dig them up and toss them aside, everything else is a ticking time bomb. Part of me thinks he wants me to find more suitable employment for her, so we can work on the relationship, but as I said before, that is not what I want.
He seems to have a talk it out, work it out approach, but not sure she can change from controlling to cooperating.
We shall see. I will post afterwards.
Have a great day everybody!
Hopalong:
Good luck, Ales.
I hope the session goes well.
Hops
Ales2:
Hi Hops, thank you!
The session did go well, but in an unexpected direction. His question today was "how can I help?" I was unprepared for him wanting to take such a neutral direction.
Mum mentioned how "worried" she was for the direction of my life. I told him she'd never cared before about how things are going for me.
I told him I was tired of overcompensating in a negative relationship and that is why the relationship is deteorating.
He really does seem to get it. I do think last time was a bit of test to see if I was cooperative or angry, hostile.
The only thing that concerns me now is that this poor therapist, might think he can repair a relationship I no longer care about and my mom will spend major $$$$ trying to fix something. Not unlike a couple divorcing and the husband wants her back, but she is just there to cooperate and move on. Thats me in this scenario unfortunately. Too little, too late.
Oh, well, ......
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Ales2 on July 24, 2018, 12:07:27 AM ---Hi Hops, thank you!
The session did go well, but in an unexpected direction. His question today was "how can I help?" I was unprepared for him wanting to take such a neutral direction.
Mum mentioned how "worried" she was for the direction of my life. I told him she'd never cared before about how things are going for me.
I told him I was tired of overcompensating in a negative relationship and that is why the relationship is deteorating.
He really does seem to get it. I do think last time was a bit of test to see if I was cooperative or angry, hostile.
The only thing that concerns me now is that this poor therapist, might think he can repair a relationship I no longer care about and my mom will spend major $$$$ trying to fix something. Not unlike a couple divorcing and the husband wants her back, but she is just there to cooperate and move on. Thats me in this scenario unfortunately. Too little, too late.
Oh, well, ......
--- End quote ---
For what it's worth, Ales, although it's very hard, I think the real turning point for me was that realisation that nothing would change. My mum was/is as she is and once the glimmer of hope that she'd turn things around was put out, I was able to leave her where she was and concentrate on building my own life up. Maybe without such a lot going on with your mum you'll have more energy for your work projects and doing things that you really love. I'm glad that the therapist seemed to get it and was eager to listen to what you needed to say. Being heard is nice. I hope things start to take an easier path for you now.
Love Tupp xx
Ales2:
Thanks Tupp.
I got dragged in, I did not really want to go to the Therapist, because in my mind it is over and has been for a very long time. Now that I am suddenly wanting to give up my TV career (she wants that) and move to across the country to another state and start a new life, she suddenly wants to interfere in that as well.
Being heard would be nice. Maybe he can tell me when I'm being unbalanced - i.e yes, thats a big problem and there are repurcussions for adults, I can see why/where you are hurting and no, you are taking this the wrong way. He seems like a balanced guy. That would be really helpful, for me to process things once more with someone who is also seeing/experiencing who she is. He also seems to be able to direct questions to her that causes her to rethink what she has said. This confuses her. Not sure this helps her in regards to me, like you, I know she will never change, but maybe he needs to see that too and then can advise me better.
I just hope he gets where I am at - which is help me to be more independent and move on from crazy N mom.
Thank for your comments and support!
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