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Beware the scorned NM

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Ales2:
A little reading and things become more clear.

So, I'm thinking the T in this case is following Carl Rodgers. He is using and advocating for unconditional positive regard. I'm getting that from him.  This is how his patients will trust him and the process enough to make progress.  All the greats use this concept and then get into honest confrontation later. It works better that way.

Hopalong:
Ales,
I'm so excited to hear you're planning a work change and even a move away from Tinseltown!

Wow. I predict a fascinating saga ahead.

Sounds like this T is humanist, supportive and kind. That's wonderful no matter who you are. And perhaps you'll have some one-on-one time possible with him as you plan your new chapter.

Good going, for opening up to new possibilities! That's hugely healing.

Big hugs
Hops

Ales2:
Tossed and last night. I could not fall asleep at all last night after my NM told me there are no upcoming appointments for the T. I ended up liking him, but she's made a series of excuses of why she is not booking appointments.

Aug 13th - she has court the next morning. She ends up getting excused, and the appointment was not in direct time conflict (i.e cant be in two places at once).

Aug 20th - the T did not call her back.

Aug 27th - "I can't make that one"

Sept 3rd - Its Labor Day - he;s not accepting appointments

Such nonsense. BS about how the sessions are expensive (I'm guessing $200 each) but then dont just do 5 and not book again, thats the real waste. Do it all the way through or not all. Halfway is worse...

Today, got up feeling much better. What she does is not in my control. My focus today is my meeting with my business partner at a major network for our Tv show.

Yesterday, I had a job interview for a part time gig, start up. Maybe can turn into a F/T career opportunity, if not, its cash flow until something better comes along. 

Met somebody new and regretted talking with them - they started in with unsolicited advice I did not need.  Was open to new information that provides expansion, but also not same old law of attraction crap that yields nothing long term.

Have a great week everybody!

Ales2:
Well, that T is toast! 

At my Mothers urging, because she "can't make it down"  i.e set and keep an appointment, I went to see the T yesterday. I was hoping there were other ways for me to make progress independent of her and that is what he wants also, but he kept egging me to "change",  did I want to "change" ? I did not say anything because I don't know what "change" he was referring to.  And, did I think she "owes" me as if I was keeping the conflict alive because I feel cheated. I told him she doesn't owe me, but different parents, different outcomes and this is my situation. 

Do other people get help with co-signing for a house from their gym buddy? Their church?  Their boss? NO. If they don't come from an open and welcoming family that encourages them to date and socialize and supports it,  how do they meet someone and get married? Does their work help? The IRS? Their employer? Their guidance counselor? NO. NONE of the above. Those are things that come from cooperative, functional families where they believe in unconditional positive regard. Some people find someone who will take them away from their dysfucntional family and create a new, healthier family, but I never found that. I don't have that and have suffered for it.  Does she "owe" me, NO, hence different parents, different outcomes. Not my fault I chose what I did, I did the best with what I had to work with.

He wanted to help me with my job situation but I felt his help would be too general, I need specific mentorship from someone who knows my abilities/temperment/goals/interests and someone who knows the business of television.  He doesn't know either(not his fault, he's an MFT). I need higher level, specific support for my current projects and pursuits, not more generalities and not having this higher level support IS the problem, so if you don't get that - then we are not on the same page. Other people have siblings, husbands in the same industry or family members who understand their business, and have a vested interest in their success. I don't have any of those supportive people and can't expect the therapist or a paid consultnat to fill that role. Mentoring, when you are talking about business development is a shady endeavor, because if the person knows you and your industry, he is likely a competitor or co-worker and that has inherent risks, which is exactly why people with a spouse or family member with that industry knowledge and experience is a god-send.

These two things - "change" (not adapt, grow, improve, suggest, or revise) and "owe" triggered me AFTER I left the office and sent me into a tailspin for the rest of the day. These tailspins are why I really don't like therapy sessions. Even when you like the therapist, you can feel persecuted and misunderstood, which ultimately make me want to avoid the therapeutic process.

Nice guy, turns out my friend goes to his temple, but ultimately, the T is clueless and triggered me so I am NOT going back! I canceled an appointment for next week and basically told him I needed specific mentorship, not general advice.  I did not want to touch the other two and don't expect we will.

If my Mom asks me to go back with her, I will participate, but only because I asked for years and if she is willing to meet me halfway, I will continue to try. Otherwise, there is no reason for me to see him.

Twoapenny:
I'm sorry it's not going well, Ales, although it sounds a bit like your mum is yanking your chain with the not booking appointments and then you going alone and him not being right for you anyway.  Does it feel like that for you or do you feel it has helped a bit, albeit it in a sort of sideways way?

I think the right T is vital.  I've seen quite a few over the years that I've seen twice and then not gone back to.  I can get easily triggered if I feel my version of events is being questioned (and by that I mean if I feel I'm being treated as if I'm making things up).  I can cope with it when it's someone I trust but not with someone new (in fact, going through things checking for accuracy and balance with someone I trust has helped me loads because it helped me see I was spot on in a lot of cases but it doesn't work for me with someone I don't know well).

I've absolutely no clue what you do about your career situation, it is way out of my world of knowledge but I hope there is someone/something that can help you out a bit and steer you in the right direction (or even just a bit closer to where you want to be) xx

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