Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
summer stuff
Hopalong:
Amber was kind enough to ask about me on her usual thread so thought I'd post a quick update here. Nothing thrilling but...
I'm really okay, just have felt too spent to post much about me. In a nutshell, got quite depressed (doing better), got fatter (hmmm), had a date who lives too far away (more hmmm), and my church (my equivalent of family) is melting down with factions/cliques and a full-on revolt against the minister (which I'm part of, editing everything) which is right but also....scary. I've found myself feeling like a child watching parents fight on the brink of divorce, helpless/anxious/wanting to fix everything. It's straining everyone and threatens to rupture friendships. None of mine so far but it feels too edgy and painful at the mo'. For me, it's the only place in town that suits, so I'm hanging in for the duration, but it'll be a bumpy ride.
Moved my old gent into assisted living Friday which increases financial anxiety (he'll be needing me less than half the hours). And, took a fall next to a truck and sprained one ankle and the opposite knee. Had to leave him in the hands of the sloppy movers, without phone contact for a day, and felt terribly bad and worried. Assurances that "our CNAs will help him" didn't pan out well but he made it fine. An older woman pal of his came over and spent the first night with him...I could just picture them in the twin beds with their CPap's huffing away, bless her!!! Heard from him the next day and though disoriented by all the change and not yet unpacked, he's okay. But I hurt like heck for a day and a night but much better now. He wants me to get well so I can come haul more stuff away.
That's all I'm worth at the moment but I am reading every day as ever and thinking about y'all.
love,
Hops
Twoapenny:
Oh Hops, I'm sorry things are tough. I'm sorry about the situation with the minister, are people trying to get rid of him or is it other problems? Have you been low because of breaking up with B? I guess the situation with your D reignited some old wounds as well :( And I'm sorry about your gent moving (although I can imagine it's better for him long term to be somewhere else?) And sorry about your fall! So easy to do and yes, so painful, do take it easy. Is assisted living there similar to here? As in, you have your own place but there are people you can call if you need to? I hope things settle a bit soon and start to feel a bit easier. Lots of love xx xx xx
sKePTiKal:
Oh Hops! I hope your ankle & knee are starting to get better!
Is it necessary to be involved in the church problems? Maybe you don't need to be?
lighter:
I'm sorry there's turmoil in your church phamily, Hops.
That alone's huge upset, then add the ankle/knee injuries, and transitioning the old gent when you're still processing the relationship thing.
I've been wondering what you're up to, and how things are going.
Thanks for popping up. You've been missed.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Hi Musketeers!
I'm really okay, just kind of wiped out.
I do feel right about being involved in the church stuff. He's toxic. I can help by editing. It's just been difficult. Actually now that I am actively doing something, it's not as bad as it felt before when it was just chaos and no coordinated resistance. And now I'm not alone in it at all. Whew to that!
Ankle's way better and knee will take time. Fatness is NOT good and really triggered somewhat during B--lots of tension about being with him--and then a big surge in overeating after we broke up, when the depression also was beginning to trickle up. Truthfully though, the church stuff, with it's family-threat vibe, was the last trigger. One morning that just sank in and I realized how deeply it was disturbing me, and I went "dark" for a couple weeks. Talked to my T, acknowledged I understood what was happening and what to do (most especially not isolate) and I can feel it's getting better already. Whew to that, too.
Assisted living in Ngent's case is pretty cushy, a lovely apt with huge windows. And that's right, Tupp, he'll have help on call at the touch of a button. I go see him Tuesday and he'll still use me now and then. After next week I'd like to take a full week off and then kick up the hunt for new people to work for. Would love to be rid of the need to but que sera.
Thanks for caring and I will be better about catching y'all up.
xxoo
Hops
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