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Mindfulness
lighter:
As I go through my days, I recognize things my children were practicing in what was, then, 2nd and 4th grade at what was viewed as a "hippie school" when we moved to this State.
Children were taught to regularly check in with others, and themselves. They carried reflections notebooks, and time for reflections was part of their daily schedule.
Mornings began with meditation and/or yoga, and I didn't understand it at the time. I thought of it as something NOT so important... not as important as math, or science. If we were sliding down a mountain in 4 inches of snow I'd think...
Oh, if we're late to school this morning, they're only missing meditation, which the school stressed was of huge importance. Silly me.
So, I'm noticing how I'm feeling around communication with my girls today. Trying to communicate, without conflict, though I still struggle with enforcing consequences. Youngest DD has always wanted me to be a stricter mom. She still does. My aversion to conflict is a thing. Addiction to serenity isn't as bad as drug addiction... sex addiction... gambling, etc. Right?
Worse things than being addicted to caring more about other people's feelings, but hey.... a problem is a problem. Say what I like, it's a concern. I'm working on it. It makes me fee queasy. It makes me feel out of sorts. It makes me feel I'm letting both my girls down, in different ways, but for the same reason.
Anyway, I'm grateful both girls were exposed to mindfulness in grade school. We happened on that school by chance, and those were golden days... I loved that school. I felt safe... as safe as I could have. Buffered by the community. Golden days.
::nodding... and channeling massive gratitude::.
We should teach mindfulness in Kindergarten, IMO.
Everyone should be exposed.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Waldorf?
:)
sKePTiKal:
Hey Lighter... got a question (one that might require some thought before you know the answer).
Do you avoid conflict because you feel you don't deserve to stand up for yourself, and your needs?
Or is it, that you are protecting others (the girls) from that? IE, not wanting to upset them?
Or is it, that feels so "out of control" when there is conflict (which imo, is a natural thing that happens between people sometimes) that it FEELS like the end of the world?
That's maybe an odd digression from the topic of mindfulness... which I know a bit about from practice... but it's possible that mindfulness can encompass those possible feelings and allow them to "be" while you're very present and intentionally "choosing" your words and actions to seek the best results possible from even conflict.
I think you know how that works. I'm just dropping by with my first "seeing" of what you wrote. (And moving on... because today is Holly's last load to move out here. Fully aware this might just be a non sequitor... so feel free to ignore it.)
lighter:
Hops: Not Waldorf. This was a single school, and in second grade youngest dd went on 2 virtual trips... Japan, Italy. It was a mixed 2/3 classroom, and the kids wrote up packing lists, made puppets, or wrote plays they performed, then planned and shopped for authentic meals they prepared, and served after singing songs they learned in the language that Country's language. The teacher printed up fake airline tickets, and they boarded an imaginary plane. They worked all lessons around these larger projects so things flowed for the kiddos.
We had a world class musician teaching music, with a room full of instruments. Oldest dd was his right hand man on the keyboard. YOungest dd tried on 3 instruments, and started a band with her friends. She entered every talent contest, which was the first time she ever tried. She blossomed at that school. It was a blessing for her, and oldest dd, even if she flailed a bit with fewer rules, and a less stringent routine. She loved the right wing, uniform wearing schools she'd attended in Atlanta. They didn't have to wear shoes at the new school. Oldest DD learned how to appreciate less structure, and she had one amazing teacher she clicked with. She looks back, and wishes she appreciated him more. Really good years.
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on July 21, 2018, 07:56:36 AM ---Hey Lighter... got a question (one that might require some thought before you know the answer).
Do you avoid conflict because you feel you don't deserve to stand up for yourself, and your needs? Part of not asserting myself is not having anyone model it for me, or allow me to have my feelings count, IMO. I used to feel quite intimidated by people with sturdy boundaries, and the moxy to state and enforce them.... neighbors I liked, for instance. I think I felt they could SEE I couldn't do it too. I didn't understand it enough to feel shame, but I think that's what it was. Whatever it was they were doing... I didn't know what it was, but I wished I did.
I felt I should know.
Or is it, that you are protecting others (the girls) from that? IE, not wanting to upset them? That was a huge reason in my second marriage, to the girls' father, though I had no trouble piping up to protect them physically, which happened. Or when he didn't speak to them after work, but went to bed expecting me to go. I expected him to engage our children, and I slept on the sofa over that one the Easter before everything blew up.
Or is it, that feels so "out of control" when there is conflict (which imo, is a natural thing that happens between people sometimes) that it FEELS like the end of the world? I think that's true, in part, more or less depending on the situation. My family is no stranger to conflict, or destroying everyone's peace to get their way. Not all members, but.... maybe all. More or less. Same in my marriages. Husbands ruining holidays over one thing or another.... a 5 dollar purchase I made with money I earned. That sort of thing. Second h picking a fight bc he wanted time in his alter life..... usually he'd pick money too, but add he'd replace me with a Russian ex con.... lovely at the holidays with little children, I can tell you. I deserve better. I deserve to be free of terrorism.
That's maybe an odd digression from the topic of mindfulness... which I know a bit about from practice... but it's possible that mindfulness can encompass those possible feelings and allow them to "be" while you're very present and intentionally "choosing" your words and actions to seek the best results possible from even conflict.
I think you know how that works. I'm just dropping by with my first "seeing" of what you wrote. (And moving on... because today is Holly's last load to move out here. Fully aware this might just be a non sequitor... so feel free to ignore it.)
--- End quote ---
I'm fully engaging mindfulness around this topic right now. I overcame my anxiety, and engaged oldest dd.... took her phone, and the world didn't end. On the contrary. I kept my sense of humor, she found her phone, then engaged me happily, and helped in the ways I'd asked her to. No complaints. I
I know it's more loving to enforce consequences. I know it's loving to do it without getting emotional... so it's about her behavior, not about me or us.
Still pondering on it, and strategizing.
I'm glad to hear is about done with the move.
Lighter
lighter:
I can't believe I've packed 4 40lb bags, and still have tools to purchase, ironing board, iron, hair dryer, my clothes, and various miscellaneous things to pack.
I'm overwhelmed, but that's always the case. I've pulled back expectations for the exterior of the cottage.... I don't have to close up the boarded up windows if I don't have time. I can just paint everything fresh, the boards are already white, and not bad looking, the fresh pink will be nice.
I need to tear out the old bathroom ceiling... it's being held up with duct tape, and screws through the tape right now. Bunk beds need building. I don't see how I can finish that room without closing up 2 windows, or at least one, while replacing one. The plan was to close up two, then add one where the door used to be. I just can't gage how much time it will take, and what skill level we'll have between us. My BIL, who builds bridges, highways, and buildings, won't be there till after I've gone, sadly. Will try to extend the trip, but it's not for sure I can. Will see, and that's the way these trips always go. So many balls in the air, some aimed at my head, but hell or high water, I'll have the place looking nice, and livable. Priorities will present themselves, and I'll problem solve on the fly with good and bad surprises. As long as I don't give up, I'll be OK, and if it's not OK, it's still OK.
The Guest Cottage needs a double sliding glass door replaced, and I think 2 windows. Not a lot, considering there were so many on the main cottage. That means only 4 max hurricane shutters to go up, and the renter can install those himself, if necessary. Heck, we can put them up together, and he can go back and put the rest of the screws in after I've gone.
I'm blathering on here... please excuse. The boarded up windows can perhaps get pretty boards on the interior, over the glass, for now. The exterior of those windows has thick ply wood, painted white and caulked in by engineer BIL and my sister. It'll take lots of time and effort just to get the plywood OUT, much less remove the windows, frame in the openings, put in lathe, coat with cement, match exterior and paint. I can handle this the right way, or make do, depending on lots of factors. I'll either be rockin good at it, or I won't. Will see. Renter did all this with contractor. Between us we seem to always have all the brain we need to get things done, up to this point. Hopefully that trend continues, esp with the unknown skill set the sea wall engineer brings. Lots of unknowns.
Must make sure to pack what I need for back troubles, should they crop up. I've figured out how to keep going if I take certain care at night.
Any ideas about marketing a beach cottage would be appreciated. What do you look for? What do you think is important?
I'm keeping the 1950's charm... Ernest Hemingway would have loved the cottage, and likely spent a lot of time in places just like this.... for better and worse in some areas. No dishwasher, for instance.
Bathroom has been kept original.... charming tile, and trim. I didn't want to heat up the house with an oven, so didn't include one. Cooking done with electric skillets, good hot plates, toaster oven, microwave, electric kettle, and grill, for better or worse. I think for the better, but that's not necessarily how renters will see it. I will tell you this.... it's not easy to cool down the cottage in the middle of the day.
We put a bathroom door in, essential, IMO. No other interior doors, as air flows from room to room, with space above and below one bedroom wall, and curtains instead of doors. Ack. I need to think about drapery hardware too, and installing it in cement.
The sun is going to bleach the front curtains in a heartbeat. Must bring more curtains, but I can't imagine how I'll get them there this trip. I have 2 sets of sheets for 8 beds, and.....
10 years of dust, and bug crap and bug poison to clean in some areas of kitchen. Can't wait to paint things clean again. Will paint interior of the guest cottage the light blue, same as the K and Q bedrooms in main cottage. I thought I'd use it in the main living room as well, but it's not as good as keepin it neutral, IMO. Will see how much paint I have left. Same with the outside. I thought 15 gallons of the pink would be more than enough, but that's not for sure at this point. It takes so much time, effort and money to bring things. Will likely have to pressure wash the exteriors again, bc it rained after we did it last trip, and didn't get decent painting window in the weather.
I want to do some repairs on metal roof rust. Metal roofing at the beach is a terrible idea, and more expensive. We didn't do enough homework when we made that decision. Drat.
Onward.
Lighter
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