Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2019 Farm Life
sKePTiKal:
Ummmmm.... de-dummmm... yummmmmm. I was on my best behavior managing my expectations. I did NOT expect the "fireworks" - at least from him. I have the distinct impression I've been "claimed" again - and it feels "right". But one day at a time. We're both realists; his daughter has another year of school and a full-ride college scholarship... and then we'll see. He's very much at home here in the woods.
So not counting any chickens for now. I've got a fair amount of practice at "no strings" relationships and we've both been around the block more than once.
sKePTiKal:
Yeah. This isn't some "strangers in the night" kind of thing. There is a whole lot in common between us - talking for 48 hrs pretty much determined that; even talking our separate "shops". Lots of eyes lighting up understanding between our separate life experiences.
In an hour or two, he should be back home and he lives far enough away that we won't see each other a lot. He has promised to be back soon. But I have a feeling I'll be charging my phone more frequently. He's in a lot better health now, than he has been the last couple of years. Since he brought along his apprentice and his wife (apprentice's), to drive... all the younger folks hung out together & gave us a good bit of space. Hol likes the wife; and my buddy... she approves and said I deserved to be happy about all this.
I have some trepidation about it. Not ENTIRELY sure I'm ready to move on from Mike, but can't find any rational reason why I shouldn't. Different guy; different "fit" between our selves... but the important pieces are already there. Intimacy, trust, loyalty... all within a "wait & see" what the future brings mode for now. And he instinctively knows what it means to "have my back" - while not pressuring me into anything I'm not ready for... even though I'm pretty brave and have been known to take risks now & then; calculated risks. Weirdly - I find myself trusting myself a little more around him. For no reason whatsoever.
lighter:
I loved reading you trust yourself more around him. How powerful is that?!? There are people who build us up, and problem solve, just as there's folks who tear us down, and create problems.
I really really like the sound of this guy, no matter how things go. I think you really like him, and that can just be there.... like it is.... for a while. Try to stay in your right brain. Don't get into stories about what's been, or what could be/might be/ has to be.
Just be here now, with the feelings he's left you with, and let that be enough.
No moving on, or being ready.... that's not something you have to solve.
Breath... big breaths through your nose, and then out slowly..... this isn't crisis. Don't let anxiety creep in. THIS IS GOOD stuff: )
I'm so happy things went well for you, Amber.
Truly.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Thanks, Lighter. It's a little freaky like jumping off a cliff with a parachute that you HOPE opens. LOL. But so far, soft landings... exhilaration... and fascinated by the newness of it all. Yep; I'm just letting things be what they are for the moment. That's a LOT different, all by itself.
Hopalong:
((((((((((((((((((((((Amber)))))))))))))))))))))))))
I feel so happy for you. For your heart.
Many fingers, all toes, and multiple hairs crossed for you!
Keep on breathin'.
love,
Hops
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