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lighter:
Amber:

I want to go on record reminding you that Buck's choices don't just effect him, and his life...  they affect your life also, right?

I'm sure that it's difficult for Superman Special Forces Buck to receive help..... I find it difficult and I'm none of those things.  IMHO you have a SuperAmazon Cape, and you should be allowed to wear it, bc this is your shared life in the balance.  It's not just the quality of HIS life.  It's a shared life.

It would be very sad if you dawned your Cape, swooped into action, helped Buck get the help he desperately needs in a timely manner, then find he's resents you so much the relationship is irreparably harmed.   That's not acceptable, nope nope nope.

That's one of the worst possible outcomes I can think of, and there are many terrible outcomes to ponder, IMO.

I have to say... if he commands you to stand down.. if he commands you to leave your cape in the closet..... if he continues moving towards bad, and worst possible outcomes.... what does that mean for the relationship in your opinion?

I don't know what you'd be if you had to watch the worst happen, while sitting on your hands, then deal with the worst possible scenario. 

Maybe contacting news stations,  and 60 Minutes, etc would be helpful.  I know the Vet services is in the news right now, with whistle blowers getting punished, and bad actors getting away with what they're doing.

Whatever you decide, I'm sure you'll have thought it through.

The Holly Hut is light hearted stuff compared to this health crisis. 

I'm sure I'd have to have Buck's infection tested, and treated..... maybe that's what needs to be documented and shared with the world through the news.  This terrible journey so many vets have to suffer.

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
'morning dears - no, I don't have insomnia, just went to bed early so I'm up early. I think I do my best thinking asleep.

Lighter, so far he hasn't told me to stand down. For all his resilience he does accept help. I can be very persuasive in a logical fashion while dealing with (unknown, possible) underlying emotional traits. Once I'm 100% sure I want to and can help without going too far out on a limb.

I asked a simple straightforward question - about why he couldn't simply find a doctor somewhere else, and get a prescription for antibiotics. I was confused by his answer that it's "Federal". Antibiotics aren't regulated. The explanation is, that he has to get approval from the VA to see another doctor AND for the Rx. And there's the rub. The chains that bind.

I'm hoping to do some research and verify that for myself. Again, I am aware that policies do vary from VA to VA not just statewide, but locally too. I do trust him and don't think he's making any of this up. It's been too many years of hearing the same things and the story is too consistent for me to question his veracity. But perhaps he's missed a loophole in the policy that could be leveraged. Hard to read clearly when one is in pain sometimes.

Just like it only makes sense to let people shop across state lines for health insurance that works for THEM, at a price they can tolerate and doesn't impoverish them... why can't vets go to any doctor they want? At any time they have a need? Why are they put on a "waiting list" for approval FIRST? Who died and made the gov't God; in charge of those kinds of decisions about people's lives?

That's not the way it works on a battlefield; docs & medics & corpsmen triage those that can be saved and get them medivac'd to full service care asap. If it's resources for chronic conditions they're concerned about in the cubicles of power... then wouldn't it make sense to get this last step in the "repair" process over with so he ISN'T a drain on those precious taxdollar resources as he becomes progressively more (and more accutely) disabled?

Or are they already broke and just hiding that fact?

So, ok... I can accept that those are the conditions I have to work with, to sort this out. No ones care how bass-ackwards I think it is. Time to roll up my sleeves, dig in, and see what I can unearth in the massive amount of verbiage and obfuscatory language of the policy that I'm sure exists. Meanwhile, he's waiting on callbacks from lawyers that specialize in medical malpractice & negligence.

This crap has been going on so long, Lighter, that he's had to face giving up male ego and false pride already. He simply wants to feel better; take the lowest dose of medication possible that allows him to be functional... and not be abandoned to die by the same gov't he gave his life to for 30+ years... because they won't free him to find help outside their little crony-buddy hospital systems.

Damn right I'm going to help him. We're all gonna die someday anyway. But this is beyond the pale. Humans aren't discardable.  They're not like a toaster that gets thrown away because people are too lazy to replace a faulty element or electrical plug.

I am paying close attention to how he feels he's been singled out for this kind of abuse. I keep reminding him it's system-wide and there are LOTS of others out there being treated the same way. In some ways, that's just as important as the antibiotics... and filling the pain pump.

ETA: FIRST CLUE  The VA distinguishes between "service-related" and "non-service related" services. Because even the infection is considered to be "service related" (ie, they can argue that the infection is a common "side effect" of his surgery to repair his back functioning) -- local ERs or other docs will refuse to treat him because the VA will not reimburse them for treatment. Hence, why approval from the VA is needed first.

Grrrrrrr.

lighter:
I don't understand why he can't go to a regular doctor, whichever can perform the proper tests, and write the prescriptions... get the infection under control... even if he has to use a false name.  Even if he pays out of pocket... how does that stack up against the possible loss of function, the pump, his ability to walk, etc?

I'm curious what a reporter would THINK about THIS journey of a Vet. 

I'm curious what would happen if Buck got the help with the infection and THEN had the VA get his pump up and running and FILL the darned thing.

I'm just not sure about the intricacies of waiting for the VA, when they're failing, are promising to continue to fail, and have no answers other than ones to promise tragedy, and loss of function, perhaps life.

How expensive can it BE to test and treat an infection?  Is expense the problem, or is it being identified as the property of the US government, therefore off limits, or can you just go to the ER, use a false name, and get a discount for paying cash for the treatment B requires?

I know hospitals are willing to give discounts for cash payments. 

I'm sorry if I seem slow on this, but it's really confusing for me.

Lighter

Twoapenny:
Gosh, Skep, I'm very behind with your thread and you've got so much going on my head is swimming.  It's all very much outside my world of knowledge, particularly as your health care systems there are different to ours.  But for what it's worth, I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and I'm quite sure if anyone can find a way through this, it will be you.  I have personally had a lot more healthcare success with 'alternatives' - herbal medicines, acupuncture, osteopathy and so on - so I think your idea to look into alternatives is a good one.  Cannabis?  I know it's legal in some states and not in others; I imagine there are insurance problems with various things but as relief for chronic pain I read only good things about it.  I hope there is some way through all of this; I hate the fact that people will stick to paperwork procedures rather than just getting people well (or at least not in terrible pain) but such is the world we live in.  I really hope there is some way of moving this along for you both xx

sKePTiKal:
I know Lighter. It's horribly confusing. In this day & age, it's not possible to give a fake name because they want your picture ID, and insurance cards when you show up: ER, docs office, etc. And the receptionist does actually verifiy the insurance coverage. ER won't treat him until/unless VA decides whether the infection is "service-related" or not. If it is - the ER CAN'T treat him unless he's actually in a life threatening situation healthwise; sepsis in other words. And my guess is, the VA is trying to the best of their ability to determine exactly how he got this infection. There are only a couple of options - the med devices themselves; OR the surgical space/tools weren't sterilized properly; OR the post-op wound care didn't follow protocols. The first option would get classified service-related; the other two NOT.

I spent a long time yesterday trying to understand; break it down bit by bit. One of the complications is that he hasn't been processed out off the active duty roster; he's in a disabled subcategory - hence, why the evaluation in August. To see if his condition would permit returning him to active duty. It's ABSURD to us laymen, under the circumstances. And so, his first option (preferred by DoD) is VA coverage.

Now, if he can RETIRE from active duty - which would require his going back for 6 months, even if just as a trainer - the situation improves significantly. If they simply process him out of the roster - also easier. He will have more choice of docs, hospitals, etc. Then Tricare insurance become a more flexible/viable option and he can submit claims to them as his main insurance and use VA coverage as supplementary and backup. Right now it's the other way around due to his status with the Navy.

Making a wrong move now can actually jeopardize all his future coverage and benefits. There are more rules involved than a catholic girl's school for juvenile delinquents (joke, people). Now, if he has a life threatening (as in right now life threatening) situation - he's to call 911 and has 72 hours to notify VA. But if it's not loss of blood, heart attack, stroke or he's unconscious... they'll deny the claim and refuse payment to the docs/hospital. As long as he follows these byzantine rules and system... he can never be billed or have unpaid invoices sent to collections... precisely because he's "property of US Gov".

Full circle jerk, isn't it? If I hadn't done my own research I'd still have doubts about what he's already told me. But it IS the way it works. And if I wasn't absolutely convinced that he is intensely self-conscious, embarrassed (if not a bit shamed) about being believed about all this... I would suspect it was a ploy for attention and sympathy. But if I get upset about it (and I have even before we met in person) then he retreats and withdraws and clams up... just so he DOESN't make me worry or stress out. But I've pushed to try to understand what's going on - to the best of my ability. Because it COULD matter very soon. And I don't want to doubt him.

Everytime I think I understand it - I find I'm confused and can't possibly think about it anymore. It's so convoluted, twisted, and just plain WRONG it makes my head hurt. The things he has to put up with and suffer through - make my heart hurt for him. So, I do my best to stay positive and hopeful and as objective about the situation as possible.

I distract him and keep him future-focused with possibilities and plans; motivated to make it through all this uncertainty and frustration - and if I can convince him it will be OK, he's going to get a change of scenery and right in front of him major distraction... to forget about it for awhile. LOL.

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