Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2019 Farm Life
lighter:
So... they have to do a convoluted study of all the people with the implant B has, and SEE IF THEY HAVE INFECTIONS, and break down the most probable WAY they contracted the infections?
Like... they ALLLL have infections, so it's the gear?
Or... only the ones from a certain hospital, and same post op care folks, have the infections so THAT's the logical cause?
Or.... there's no way to figure all this out in a timely fashion, IME, AND no one to 100% that the infection was caused by A, B or C, IME.
They're going to assign a cause, at some point, hopefully soon, and I'm curious what will inform that determination, bc it SOUNDS like they can make any determination they please, if sepsis doesn't set in first, which honestly, seems like they're first preference.
I know ranting here isn't helpful to you, and I'm sorry about that. If I write it out it helps me process, and see things with more clarity.
I'd like to be helpful. I will say this... there are labs, and doctors, and they don't all require ID, or insurance, and they do take cash.
If B is treated, somehow without screwing up his paper trail, which honestly IS very important, then maybe he gets back on track more quickly. Back to fixing the implant, and filling it with meds. This infection.... determining how he got it, which seems impossible to be 100% about, makes my brain hurt.
I've seen docs under false names. I've not had to show my ID. I've never given my ss to a doctor, or my children's. The crazy contractor fellow goes to the hospital to set up surgeries, and tests... sets them up ahead, not with ER, and he pays cash at a big discount. Hernia repairs and the like. I know he doesn't have insurance, and I don't know that he had to show anyone ID in his case.
Speak softly to B, don't despair, and distill your questions and opinions down the their shortest form before speaking about this to him, if you can..... you're a wonderful support to him, Amber.
CB123:
Also, if he is too far away from the closest VA hospital they will let him go to another provider. Does he have a move in his future?
CB
sKePTiKal:
CB, yes; he's planning on coming here possibly as soon as late next summer - IF we decide that's what he wants to do at that time. And because our closest VA doesn't have the same services - he'll end up seeing docs from our VERY GOOD local medical system across the mountain.
And I also know WVU (actually further away) also has a good team - that's where my friend Ronnie went after he almost severed his spine in a motorcycle accident. They referred him to a super hospital in Atlanta for a few months of rehab... and he's out in the woods states away (and scheduled to go to Utah soon) hunting. Ronnie is a good 20 years younger than B.
And yes - I've considered and even brought up the possibility of changing the timeline; but because the timeline is based on his daughter's school year and graduation and college schedule... that's not very flexible. I've pulled every single piece of this puzzle apart looking for a magic "key" to change the situation. Multiple times. So, I come back to... because he's accepting the situation for what it currently is, and doesn't appear willing to challenge it much at all... I'm concluding there's kind of a stubborn streak under the persistence & determination & resilience. And I suppose that's natural. It's almost a prerequisite.
So... lately our communication has been flying past each other; and quieter than normal too. He accepts the fact I have to sleep and probably won't respond often after 10 pm. And I pulled another relationship horoscope chart - with a slightly different way of interpreting things - more practical terms; less psychological perspective. I realize that actually spending time face to face would give me the same information... and I seem to be craving that information before our decision deadline arrives (the list of physical challenges is quite daunting as it is). It's also a possibility he move NEAR me and not be living here. But I absolutely have to gather as much information - first hand - as I can before I take any risks in a relationship area at this age. There is only so much energy now; and I feel more acutely aware of what my capacity to give is - and how thin I can spread that - before I'm drained.
This new chart said something very interesting that I'm pondering. First off - this won't be a traditional relationship. There could be a lot of separation and individuality in it. Each of us valuing the relationship highly - but keeping our separate lives. That reads like strong boundaries to me. Simultaneously, we'll have a very strong connection - which is actually already growing from both directions. The challenges in something like this are 180 degrees different from the massive "togetherness" aspect that I've been used to in other relationships. I've experienced some friction with that much togetherness, true. But I'd be nutz not to recognize this other arrangement wouldn't have it's own challenges; albeit different ones. Granted, I have enough room at my place for us to spend the whole day completely apart from each other. Doing our own things, in our ways, without always bumping into the other.
3 of my parental relationships were the same signs; and 2 of those were excessively dominating and controlling and differently PD in their own ways. My gramma was something ELSE possible within that sign. Maternal, nurturing, a healer. All 3 of them, Creative in very different ways. So, I'm overlaying the personalities, the predilections, what I know about my Self... and trying to "see" whether I might just be biting off way more than I really want to chew in 10 years. When all that process comes full circle, I still probably won't feel confident I know anything for sure, and I'll face the leaping off a cliff inflection point again.
So I would say the excitement phase is passing. The shiny new aspect is wearing off - and now it's time to start dealing with the nuts and bolts, nitty-gritty stuff. Reality - not hopes & dreams & fantasyland. At this age, the degree of difficulty goes up in relationships - "it is known" - LOL.
For a funny and yet observant look at aging relationships, I've GOT to recommend a series on Netflix - "The Kaminsky Method". Season 2 just came out; each episode is short - Hol and I watched both seasons straight thru from afternoon to evening. Michael Bridges & Alan Arkin. And it's the kind of comedy I haven't seen in a couple of decades. Some of the lines had us crying while laughing and almost peeing ourselves. Sometimes all we can do is laugh at ourselves and life's issues.
Twoapenny:
It's a lot of issues, Skep, and you're right that age changes things - what we want, what we can manage, where we want to be and who with. Focuses things in a whole lot of different ways. I do hope there is some way the two of you can have something that works for you, however unconventional, and that, at the very least, there is some way to sort some of B's health issues out. Sounds maddening to have potential options out there that can't be explored because people are arguing about who picks up the bill. Crazy. I hope something settles down and becomes a bit more manageable for you soon. And sleep - you do well to be awake at 10pm, lol. I had a friend to stay last week and by the time I've had dinner my brain can literally manage nothing more than dishes and running a bath for my son. I stayed up watching a show she likes the first two nights but by the third I had to say I was tired and turn in about 9.30pm. I just couldn't do it. So you do well to manage up to 10pm as far as I'm concerned. Lol xx
sKePTiKal:
We had a "phone date" last night. Way later than 10, Tupp... he's definitely a night owl. I can shift back & forth from lark to owl... but I adjust a lot more slowly.
He says he's very used to this system and being tossed back & forth while nothing gets done, and he's obviously aware that I'm not. Just by my reactions to "new developments". He's told me not to worry; that while we all think this is AWFUL and really, in many ways, unbelievable... it IS the reality. He enlisted when he was 17; the year before Nixon got us out of Vietnam. The year before I graduated High School. LOL. HE is the expert on how things work, even if we all think it should work a lot differently. And this is par for the course; situation normal, all F'd up. SNAFU.
I went down the research rabbit hole; reading everything I can pull up in the browser - both serious medical studies, and quack ideas... looking for the common threads and patterns in what is known about the bacteria and what's effective against it. So far, the BEST news I've found is coming from DNA analysis of the bacteria. There are some breakthrough treatments out there, but they are for topical skin infections - not so much the internal variety.
My herbal solutions are a poor substitute for antibiotics. There is too much distance; disparity between the establishment of the colony of bacteria and virulence of it - and the impact and ability of the herbs to deal with it. He really needs the full 10-day course of IV antibiotics.
Lighter pretty much nailed it; everything treatment related hinges on whether or not the VA considers the infection "service-related" or not.
I don't exactly give up, once I assign myself tasks like this. But I'm going to have to take a break for a couple days. Today is baking day - the experiment day - for the sourdough starter I've created. And if the kids can move the old electric fireplace out of my bedroom today - I start dismantling the concrete block & tile fireplace surround. That gives me just a bit more room in there; a possibility for changing the position of the bed (again) so I can use the door in my room for morning coffee on the deck, etc.
I've got some other things like this to attend to, as well. Holly's just as single-minded and obsessive about getting pregnant. Another of her friends just announced she is. And this is her "end all, be all" right now. She's back working on quilts and trying to be ready to make more final decisions on the hut too. Construction is moving fast; the weather is perfect for building; we're coming up on the time change and seasonal change... and there are still some important things on the to-do list.
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