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2019 Farm Life

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sKePTiKal:
Well, Ronnie's asked me to dinner some weekend. The next couple aren't going to pan out - expecting company (I still need to post a blessed schedule of reservations around this place! So much for solitude... LOL.) I think he's bored and a little lonely in his new life and just needs a friend. He came out again yesterday with his mom & stepdad to get out in the woods again... and Ricky was here, working on widening and improving the road to the future Holly Hut.

Former house guest came out to hang out and spend an overnight; he's still in search of a job but working at it. His tiny apartment is working out pretty well for him so far.

Pollen's at it's prime right now; the redbuds are gorgeous this year and even the oaks are budding out "right on schedule". Yesterday was a tad hot for me, but we're getting weeks of actual "spring" this year... and I'm pacing myself on the outside work. I do have to clean house though, because of company... and it's driving me a bit bonkers trying to do both. Hol is helping of course - but she's often not here, going between Steve's place, the city over the mtn, and taking care of getting herself permanently a resident here.

She's got work in B'more this weekend and hoping to wind up the process of clearing her stuff out of Matt's house. I'm taking a breather from planning any more projects at the moment... I just have to get the other little things done FIRST so I don't feel like I'm piling it all on myself. Hol is planning a moon garden, and she potted up half a dozen peonies to eventually transplant at the "hut". LOL... cart before horse a little bit... she needs to get her floor plans to contractor, and talk about off-grid system vs running power. And she definitely has "neighbors"; Steve saw a young bear the last time they walked the back 40. The old folks with Ronnie, are always armed when they traipse around down there.

lighter:
You're always planning and making busy, Amber.  Hows the outdoor kitchen plan coming?  It's nice Ronnie has your friendship.  I wonder if he'd enjoy giving opinions on some of your projects... as they evolve?

Tweaking the right amount of socializing, and solitude will take a while, but sounds like you'[re on it to me. 

I'm glad H has this weekend job, and new love interest while she's finishing up loose ends at ex's.  Hopefully she'll sail through. Hopefully there's closure, and peace around it.

Glad the visitor continues to do well.  That's a good story, Amber/

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Ronnie freely suggests ideas and hands out advice. LOL. It's good to have a second opinion.

House guest is doing well. His first visit, he was totally broken. There is no doubt that his ex is a malicious, vindictive N, definitely sociopathic tendencies. He let himself believe he could "fix it" by reasoning with her, saying just the right combination of words and sincerely believing them. And when it became too much - or too crazymaking - for him to fix. Then, he couldn't stop thinking suicide was the only out of the emotions he was feeling. We know how miserable those can be. That was just more than I could be around and I sure couldn't get through his obsession either.

After 6 weeks or so, almost 2 months of active treatment in the hospital, his second visit was a second chance for us to try to explain that he wasn't alone in being treated that way; he wasn't just spectacularly "lucky" to have experienced such things. He could actually relate to both Hol's and my experiences - including the ongoing Amy saga - and start to see that there are plenty of people in the world "like that". We could explain, that sometimes people who've been through that trauma develop almost the same personality characteristics (as camo/survival for existing around N). We could share the things we CHOSE to pull ourselves out of it; to "see it coming" better in the future; and to know how to listen to our own inner voice/emotions when something "felt wrong".

So that was a good transition time from intensive treatment, and for us - an ability to observe if he would stay on his welbutrin Rx and involve himself in self-care. So it was a shorter time he was with us. I knew he needed to - wanted to - get back on his feet and independent again. And we were able to help him do that; put him in touch with other artists in the community; help him with finding his way around and making work contacts.

He's been on his own for a month. So when Hol spontaneously decided it was time to get him back here for a hangout, laughs, and an update that's what happened. It's a little reinforcement for him, too. His "support network" - which did not exist for him prior to the first visit - is still here.

Sigh. Perhaps if I'd known (or Hol had known) more of the background, we would've been better prepared for the first visit. But I'm not kicking myself; I hit my limit and seriously needed some peace & quiet again. And the hospital did a stellar job; he's still praising the nurses he encountered and his doctor. He's back in touch with siblings, too. His brother brought him a bike, so he's more mobile now.
He is really committed to putting a life back together after his "nightmare" phase. He's pursuing it with due diligence.

So, alls well that ends well. And he's adopting my "living well is the best revenge" policy - LOL. With proper boundaries, an understanding of the "bait & switch" game N's love, and putting taking care of himself at the top of the list... he's saving himself. We just helped him get to where he COULD.

Outdoor kitchen is on hold for the time being Lighter. It will start to happen about the time I do something about the decks out back. And I've started to lose shingles... so the roof retrofit (w/more insulation hopefully) moves up the list.

lighter:
The visitor's story restores my belief in humanity, Amber.  That friend is lucky to have your support, wisdom, empathy, and ear.  I'm sorry you didn't understand how to help him sooner, but who would have?  These things unfold, IME.   

Well done.  Amazing job.  You and Hol did an amazing job.  I see good things for the visitor, bc of your care: )

And.... of course Ronnie's giving advice, and enjoying fellowship. 

That was a great update post, Amber. 

Thanks,
Lighter

 

Twoapenny:
The 'Living well is the best revenge' policy has been a life saver for me.  What I do find difficult is finding that balance between needing/wanting to sift through the past, feel it, examine it, deal with it, and needing/wanting to move on, do new things, find your new path.  What I've also found very difficult is that our Western society leans towards evidence of 'living well' as gaining financial and material wealth, or positions of power.  I've found it more difficult to focus on things that aren't obvious - feeling happier, dealing with problems in a healthier way, setting boundaries and so on - and using that as a barometer of living well.  It's just the way we shift through life, isn't it?

Lighter's right, he's very lucky to have you around for him and it's great that you've got Ronnie about for ideas and feedback as well.

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