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Winter Stuff

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Hopalong:
I thought perhaps this should go on Tupp's dark side thread, but realized in naming this one for the current season, I can just put whatever's happening here. Topic's anchored in time but not mood.

Mood's my problem at the moment. A week ago I felt energized, excited, motivated by the New Year (watching all of the Marie Kondo special helped). I did domestic things I hadn't bothered with in ages. I began in an ebullient mood; lasted days. Got my "new" couch back and got a shoe rack.

Then we had this snowstorm. Not a big deal, but it took days for sun to return. And by the third day, I had the dark kind of cabin fever (not restless but shut down, getting depressed). I didn't do any of the projects I could've been using that quiet time to work on. Reverted to immobility and feel weak.

I have something nice coming up...a date with a WRITER I have met online. Don't wanna get too worked up in anticipation, as my commitment to reality and avoiding fantasy is key for me to enjoy meeting anyone. But even though that's coming soon, my mood has kind of sunk.

Sometimes when I notice such a contrast, I wonder if my D's bipolar gene came down through me. I wouldn't be surprised though I've never had that diagnosis--just depression or grief. But it really is what I'd call a "swing." The up was great and this down isn't devastating, but the contrast is clear.

Another factor is the huge change in the social contract. Most people do not telephone any more. A few text but I can't do that for an hour the way some can. I literally dislike the cell phone. And more people connect through Facebook or texting than by email (which I like a lot). Alone at home in snow, with nobody checking in, feels sad. Not that I don't have friends, just...they don't call often.

Anyway, in an effort not to be discouraged and remind myself that all things change, including moods, I thought I'd dump this here. It'll be good to report something different in a few days.

(Doc G, sorry I haven't responded to your book yet. I will.)

Love y'all,
Hops

Twoapenny:
Hops, I'm sorry to read this.  People don't use the phone any more and it's been one of the hardest for me to deal with so I do get where you're coming from with that.  And yes, several days trapped indoors with no-one calling to check you're okay or just to have a chat can be soul destroying.  For me it highlights that I'm not top of anyone else's list.  I've got good friends, I've got you guys on here, my neighbours are friendly - but I'm not anyone's special someone and I think it's hard when you don't have a significant other in your life (and I don't mean that in a romantic way, it's lack of family as well).  It is hard, as are those big mood drops.  It's so nice feeling good!  Everything feels so much easier.  Then it goes dark again and all those easy things suddenly feel so difficult.

Your writer chap sounds nice, though, and possibly an interesting contact/guide with your book, even if there turns out not to be a romantic spark.  I hope you start to feel a bit better soon, Hops.  Has the snow cleared now or are you still stomping through it? xx

Hopalong:
Thanks, ((((Tupp)))). You're spot on about phones, etc. Feeling better this morning, probably because I got decent sleep and have multiple activities today. My issue is so obvious it's embarrassing. I just have to connect with people every day or two at most, or I start to slide back into depression. I hope this isn't the case the rest of my life -- I've lived alone in an Appalachian holler, on the Eastern Shore, many places. I guess in this chapter of my life it's just not doable any more. Isolation's not good for me. Anyway, I work for four hours, then have a friend coming to walk and my group meets here tonight. I'll be wiped out but feeling much better after all that, I know.

As to the writer, I'm really looking forward to intelligent talk but that's it. No fantasies of him being a guide with my book...more the obverse. It works best not to share your work before you're ready, or unless it's a context you choose (like my fiction workshop group). I wouldn't want to share drafts or work in progress with someone close unless there's a moment where I realize they'd be the right sort of critic. Too easy to be shut down by well-intentioned but distracting criticism which, if it's insensitive or presumes too much, could undermine a relationship. My group has done well so far but in a new relationship I wouldn't introduce my ongoing work. Once I had a solid complete draft, sure, but not in the early, most vulnerable stages.

Fortunately I have a life's worth of poetry I can feed him one at a time!  :lol:

I ain't in a relationship anyway. Just going to meet him for the first time tomorrow evening. I have enjoyed his emails so far, so do hope it goes well.

Hugs
Hops

lighter:
Sorry you're feeling low, Hops.

My only suggestion is.....
 go with the flow.. try to stay in observer mode.This will pass. 

Why assign judgement?

Lighter
ps  Do you find you avoid feeling joy in small things?  The smell of coffee in the morning?  Cuddles with your pooch?  If so, what do you think that's about?

Hopalong:
Thanks, Light.

Just as predicted, low mood lifted.
Work (being useful), poet friend visit (deep talk as usual and strong mutual support) and a wonderful Covenant Group here--despite weather 5 of the 8 made it. Topic was hope. Great insights.

I don't avoid joy. When depression seeps in it's more like smoke curling under a doorjamb. Mercifully, I no longer believe there's a raging fire about to burst through. I just needed to break my isolation from the storm sooner than I did. Doing that with better consistency is my fire prevention. And I'm okay. Thanks for checking.

Wooden Rack Happiness, Part 2: To chalk up another silly but satisfying faintly-Kondo moment, my new wooden (bamboo) shoe rack arrived. I am deeply enthused. My closet floor is clear, my shoes are purged to 10 pairs, and its simplicity and beauty make me happy every time I open the door.

Hugs,
Hops

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