Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Relationship/s
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on June 30, 2019, 02:39:02 PM ---Well, dang.
All is well but I spent the night in the hospital incapable of coherent speech, feeling very strange, plus puking. Ugh. It was scary, but I had friends plus M. rally -- come here to feed and walk pooch, sit with me in the ER, etc. And M blew me away, and a lot of my resistance melted. He simply stubbornly stayed with me and wouldn't budge, half the night and half the next day (when he wasn't sorting out Pooch).
I slipped deeper in love again because he was so genuine. A close girlfriend said later, "I know he can be a knowitall but boy, what a heart." And she never says stuff like that about people.
It was most likely a TIA (transient ischemic attack) and I have a little white dot in my brain and new meds to take. But I wound up with one of the best neurologists in the country and he said, "Yes, go to Paris anyway."
So we are--tomorrow! I feel okay and am very happy about the trip. The silver lining was the revelation of what it felt like to have someone so at my back when I was scared, speaking garbledly, and vomiting. Didn't deter him one bit, and all of his behavior was just that I'm that important to him.
Hmmm. Maybe I'm going to be able to stop looking a gift horse in the mouth. He will still drive me crazy with personality stuff sometimes, but I just got a good luck at the character beneath all that.
I'll have a tablet with me so hope to keep up with you all this week. I know if you'd been here there would've been even more Amazons at the hospital!
love you guys,
Hops
--- End quote ---
Oh Hops, how scary for you, I'm so sorry you had to go through this but equally very happy that M was a trooper and pulled out all the stops on this one. It is possible to get past 'personality' stuff if the underlying bits are shiny and good. My very dear friend's boyfriend can be a bit testing when you first get to know him (he's a bit of a know it all as well) but once you get past that he truly is the sweetest, kindest man and would genuinely give away the shirt on his back (and I think the know it all stuff is nerves with him; once you get to know him all of that recedes). So I'm glad M was there and looked after pooch for you. I hope you feel alright now and goodness me, have an amazing time in Paris! Give a wave in my direction as your plane lands :) Hope it all goes well and that you have an amazing time xx
lighter:
And isn't that part of the important stuff..... that someone you love will be there, hold your head when you're puking, pull back your hair, and make sure you're OK.
It's lovely M stayed, and took care of pooch, and remains devoted.... it truly is important, Hops.
You have a ball in Paris. Eat, drink, and be merry! I hope you dance.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Thanks, Tupp. It really was frightening. It was a mini-stroke (TIA), they believe, so I got sent home with meds and dire warnings. I can drink wine in Paris, but not daily, and only a glass. Very sobering, pun intended. I just need to be grateful and take care of life business, because with something like a stroke (my mother had one and spent her last year half paralysed) you never know when it could hit. So I feel newly vulnerable. Still, though 69 is young for this, recurrence should be preventable in most cases. General statistics are sobering because many TIAs lead to a real stroke within a year.
I honestly think I'll need to tell M that some of the struggles we've been through I've responded to with huge internal stress...a la, the kind of frustration and angst that drives up blood pressure. His incessant talking plus pressure really does affect me. Particularly when he's repeating stuff over and over. But I'll try to be kind about it and empathic and see if he's capable of modifying that a bit. I hope so.
Lighter, it was wonderful to have him at my back. At first it wasn't. I didn't want him in the ER because as I suspected he'd try to take over. I told my girlfriend that and he insisted anyway and basically shoved his way in even though she'd told him my preference was he wait in the waiting room. She likes him a ton and he charmed her (and part of her felt okay about him taking over) -- but still, it was over my objections. (I was comfortable with her there while I was gabbling but wasn't ready to be that vulnerable with him. As it turned out, I had no choice.) I didn't want him insisting doctors talk to him not me...and with his dominant personality they all kept turning to him. I finally started being blunt: M, please stop interjecting and let me talk to my doctors. It took more than once, but he did respect my wishes in the end. The effort of keeping him at bay was extra stress. So I hope we go forward with just...a calmer relationship that isn't just defined by him.
And all in all though I am still very glad and grateful and touched at his character beneath the exhaustingness. After the crisis it was a big comfort to have him in my room, and I felt really loved. When he got home he did a lot of reading up on TIA.
Hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Goodness HOPS... big long huge cyber-hug for you m'dear!
You tell M I said, (in my best Mom's putting her foot down voice):
When Hops tells you what she needs to feel safe, and relaxed - LISTEN TO HER and adjust accordingly. It's just as much a way of having her back, as getting all manly & in charge.
I'll butt out now. Except to point out that vulnerability is required to have authentic relationships; for both parties. It's never easy or without anxiety, fears, and stress.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on July 01, 2019, 06:51:16 AM ---Thanks, Tupp. It really was frightening. It was a mini-stroke (TIA), they believe, so I got sent home with meds and dire warnings. I can drink wine in Paris, but not daily, and only a glass. Very sobering, pun intended. I just need to be grateful and take care of life business, because with something like a stroke (my mother had one and spent her last year half paralysed) you never know when it could hit. So I feel newly vulnerable. Still, though 69 is young for this, recurrence should be preventable in most cases. General statistics are sobering because many TIAs lead to a real stroke within a year.
I honestly think I'll need to tell M that some of the struggles we've been through I've responded to with huge internal stress...a la, the kind of frustration and angst that drives up blood pressure. His incessant talking plus pressure really does affect me. Particularly when he's repeating stuff over and over. But I'll try to be kind about it and empathic and see if he's capable of modifying that a bit. I hope so.
Lighter, it was wonderful to have him at my back. At first it wasn't. I didn't want him in the ER because as I suspected he'd try to take over. I told my girlfriend that and he insisted anyway and basically shoved his way in even though she'd told him my preference was he wait in the waiting room. She likes him a ton and he charmed her (and part of her felt okay about him taking over) -- but still, it was over my objections. (I was comfortable with her there while I was gabbling but wasn't ready to be that vulnerable with him. As it turned out, I had no choice.) I didn't want him insisting doctors talk to him not me...and with his dominant personality they all kept turning to him. I finally started being blunt: M, please stop interjecting and let me talk to my doctors. It took more than once, but he did respect my wishes in the end. The effort of keeping him at bay was extra stress. So I hope we go forward with just...a calmer relationship that isn't just defined by him.
And all in all though I am still very glad and grateful and touched at his character beneath the exhaustingness. After the crisis it was a big comfort to have him in my room, and I felt really loved. When he got home he did a lot of reading up on TIA.
Hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
I hope he's able to adjust, Hops, I guess for men of his generation there were many things expected of them and they've probably not done the internal battle that a lot of women have had to do in order to be heard. I'm sorry to hear that the pressures have led to this health situation although it makes sense; stress is such a huge thing and can cause so many hidden dangers. I hope you are able to have that talk and find that balance in there; he's not out of the woods when it comes to a Tupp arse kicking yet!! Lol, I hope you are feeling okay and that the Paris trip is both relaxing and wonderful xx
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