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Relationship/s

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Hopalong:
Thanks, all, so much. Where else could I talk about all this stuff and be so understood?

All in all, M was amazing inParis. And we did have that talk...I told him I wasn't blaming him but fear the nonstop talking is maybe a compulsion, and that because I'm wired to be very reactive to speech in my presence and I simply can't not listen, and I'm reacting with a lot of stress and just not sure I can handle it long term. He got a lot quieter and I expressed myself more and we got very playful and just had a joyous time. Even joked about it a lot. And then ironically he came down with laryngitis  yesterday! Speaking of hints from the universe. But it was an amazing week, highlight a day near the Sorbonne. Notre Dame was very sad.

Today he's soaking up the sun on the balcony of his fancy visiting professors suite in Jerusalem, starts his lectures next week.

 I came to Oslo today and though I lost my cell phone, am having a beautiful time with old friend Erik and family. Their house is on an island a block from the king!s summer home. We could tell he's there because of the sole guard! Erik's met him and says he's very nice while introverted, and folks really like the queen. Strange neighbors! Stunning place all around...their house is from another time, full of generations of his family stuff and hers (Russian). His wife (retired film maker) and daughter (opera singer now teaching voice) made an amazing huge dinner with fish and lots of Vegs plus huge local strawberries for dessert. Tomorrow we're taking the streetcar downtown and I'm going to buy a warm sweater...after perfect-warmth Paris, Oslo's nearly starting fall. So gorgeous here, first time back since 1960. Really grateful to be here, dreamed of it a long time.

Thanks for the Le Soufflé suggestion, Lighter, but since M practically,lives for the gourmet thing and has 50 favorites, I was happy to let him choose. To say we ate well is an understatement.

Tupp, M is now plotting a Guggenheim so we could spend a year here, and if that happens you and I will meet, promise!

GBoat, thanks for the good wishes. You've no idea how much your perspective helped me enjoy all this. And Amber, you said something so insightful about respecting restraint being as much having my back as taking charge. I'm going to find a time to tell him that (but will pretend I thought of it, okay?)

CB, you sure heard me. Every piece of it. Thank you so much.

Love y'all LOTS,
Hops

Hopalong:
Made it home in one piece though yesterday was, not to exaggerate, a hellish marathon. I manifested M's nasty cold the day I left Oslo and was sooooo sick by the time I got back to Paris. One night at an airport hotel (very inconsistent directions from staff resulted in riding a train back and forth extra time) and then yesterday:

Up at 830am Paris time
To airport at 10
Security (ain't what it used to be!) and then flight at 1:00
Arrived hub city at 430 Eastern Time
Five. Hour. Layover. Siiiiiick--whole box of tissues sick, coughing.
Left hub 10pm EST
Arrived home past midnight
At house half-hour later

I can't even do the math but can somebody tell me how many straight hours I was awake streaming nose, coughing and spluttering (feeling guilty about others) on the airplanes? Only exception was when I got chills too and the lady across the way gave me an extra blanket and I got all wrapped up in that, refastened the seat belt, passed out for 30 minutes, then woke up in turbulence to realize I had to pee and felt feverishly disoriented, got all tangled up in the two blankets plus headset wires and couldn't get the belt open fast enough and...you guessed it, old lady nightmare.

Fortunately, nobody else noticed --most were asleep-- and the flight attendant kindly fetched my suitcase so I could change into clean pants. DAMN. (And you guys are the lucky winners! Not sure I'll tell anybody ELSE about that.) That said, it was also one of many Blanche Dubois moments -- relying on the kindness of strangers. It may have been being sick but I really think it's just that I'm older than I was before and travel's changed a lot. And loads of people answered questions even with language barriers and were helpful and kind. Talked to the sweetest Norwegian chaplain on the plane from Oslo to Paris and he was a GIFT.

Missed a train in Norway and spent a long chilly time on the platform and lost my cell phone.

Other than that? The trip was wonderful and I'd do it again in a heartbeat (M sez we're going to). Only change I'd insist on is I really will not travel that many hours in a row again. Even if it means another night at a hotel. That was too much.

But I made it and am lolling around with Pooch, who was happy to see me but also mellow and relaxed and clearly had been treated super well by the sitter, who left my little house clean as a whistle, with flowers. She even cleaned a disgusting birdbath. Another friend got in groceries and a couple others checked on me by email. I had to let them know what was happening with me but once I had, several showed they cared. I feel LUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKY. And grateful.

One disappointment...one friend of a couple years dislikes my most blunt close long-term friend, who was critical of her performance in a key church position. Okay, those things happen. But I allowed the two of them to intersect at my house (I thought I'd mentioned the blunt one was stopping by but the other friend insists I didn't, and even if I had warned her, how could I not then ask her if she needed to go, or some such avoidance strategem because she'd been so hurt by Ms. Blunt's critical email?). The newer friend has turned my lack of attention to her fragile feelings into a cause for not speaking to me for a while (though she briefly did about the stroke and another committee thing). That is a pink flag for me. For me, a squabble between two friends does not force me to choose one of them, and that may be what she wants. She said she'll be in touch this month, so we'll see.

Have to get an echocardiogram Friday and also have a heart monitor put on that I have to wear for 30 freaking days. But I'm glad I have great care, good teaching hospital here.

Sorry to be so self-absorbed but glad y'all are willing to read it!

love
Hops

lighter:
Lordy, Hops what  nightmare.  Sick.  Lost cell phone.  Missed trains.  Marathon travel schedules.  I'm amazed you came out of it as chipper as you are.  Well done!

About the peeing your pants..... it happens to everyone, I think, if they'll just admit it.  I tend to put it off, and do just
one
more
thing, then run out of time, when I could have made it if I'd just taken care of business.

Of course, you were sick, cocooned, and sabotaged by the jostling and wires.... it's a difficult thing to get into an airplane bathroom when things are going well, IME.

Sorry your friends problem is creating angst for you.  It's not your problem.... you didn't cause it, and you can't fix it.  Let them have it, and stay focused on yourself.

I bet Pooch is thrilled to the moon to have you back!

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Eh... let all that go Hops and take care your cold. It'll still be there to deal with, if it's important. Did M come back with you or is he traveling separately because of his obligations?

Hopalong:
Thanks, CB...I still sound gross and am coughing some but feel MUCH better. Not leaving the house, just lazing about. Tomorrow I do have to go out...bank, echocardiogram and cardiac monitor install. Then I'll come back and resume lazing.
One friend dropped by (the one who raced me to the ER and was there for it) but I've told everybody else I'm not up to going out or meeting up quite yet.

Lighter, you are right...Pooch was clearly delighted I returned but got over it much too fast. She was so mellowed out that I considered her underwhelmed. Tee hee. It's actually the best possible reaction, no clinging, no acting traumatized. I'd use that sitter again in a heartbeat. And you're right, that trip was intense! (But wonderful.) I did miss her though, and it was lovely to have her to think about.

Amber, M and I left Paris on the same day but from two different terminals. Me to Norway, him to Jerusalem for 3 days of guest lectures at the university, then he's heading to Istanbul as he's never been and wants to see certain antiquities and the Blue Dome, then for a few days with old friends in Madrid where he also once had a house. He returns in a week.

I'll be glad to see him but am enjoying the break, too. We've done some really good emailing, I think. And he left me the key to his fabulous cloistered neighborhood pool so I can take friends there. They can swim and I'll enjoy watching them from the shade or stick my legs in (doubt I can swim with a monitor on!).

Hugs
Hops

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