Meandering

[Meh]

It's stress about multiple things Skep. I woke up feeling like barfing. Last night I was laying in bed thinking how badly I wish I had some old sleeping pills somewhere in my boxes of random stuff. Like just a couple nights of ambien. It happens sometimes stress overload. I did sleep but I felt like I didn't sleep. Due to such high stress I had no coffee yesterday. But I'm having some now just because. I will go buy some decaf today. A LOT of decaf I guess.

I wish there were over the counter sedatives. I know people would abuse it and that's why they don't but last night I was considering doing vodka shots. Didn't because it would just end up making me feel worse.
   ... Had so much trouble with rentals, shared wall and people bouncing basketballs inside on the weekends early in the morning. as a rebuttal to the basketball and general unreasonable noise i counter demonstrated by dropping a weight on the floor because anything dropped on the floor shakes the walls.. it's like having repetitive earthquakes... pounded the wall... got so ridiculously pissed off that I threw the weight on my own foot smashed my toe.. so I have a smashed toe a bruised fist and confirmation that people just can't f****** be considerate... Thank you lizard brain. I had to talk to them tell them the basketball inside was insane that it's an outdoor activity the hours of noise starting to extend later at night and earlier in the morning...it  Pissed them off..  they wanted to slam the door in my face, made a little pantomime motion like they were going to slam it in my face but didn't. Anywho had to talk to them about it. At least I made myself clear. Again reasonable... But not realistic.  ... It's comical in life how you can't say shit to nobody.
Going for a sandwich and library or something. Will regroup?? I hope. 

And now sitting on a hard chair in a library eating a banana for dinner instead of being in my mortgage priced apartment. Reading a novel not doing the stuff I came here to do.

[Hopalong]

((((((G))))))))

Can you swim anywhere?
It's the best physical prep for sleep. Every time.
Just one swim on a free guest pass at a gym or a Y might break the cycle.

If not, I recommend Benadryl for sleep. Harmless. Gives you a little dry mouth but it's worth it.

Wishing you peaceful rest,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Benedryl will make me sleep; but it also gives me a hangover the next morning that must be countered with mass quantities of caffiene.

[Hopalong]

I know, it can do groggy.

But I also understand desperation for sleep. I can't get zolpidem covered any more through my insurance, and melatonin doesn't always do the job.

Benadryl in a pinch.

hugs
Hops

[Meh]

Yeh, plenty of benedryl kept on hand here due to allergies. It's not strong enough for me though to help me sleep if I'm having some kinda weird anxiety/anger whatever issue. I've tried it. Anypoo thanks for the thought though. It's just been a weird week.

[sKePTiKal]

It's only temporary G. This too, will pass.

[Hopalong]

Did we mention melatonin?
Cheap, at every drugstore, and it does help...

Chamomile tea, brewed strong with two-three bags, can be remarkable for sleep inducing. PLUS, and this can be amazing, a hot bath (regardless of season) with epsom salts. That magnesium floats into you through your skin and turns you to pudding.

Try all three! Pop a melatonin (say 3mg, 5 is overkill), drink the strong chamomile and take an epsom salts bath (2 cups poured under the running tub faucet).

Report back in the morning...

Hugs
Hops

[Meh]

Eh. Don't worry I just come here and write whatever. I did get some sleep and even dreams. Neighbors were away for the weekend so there was a temporary peace. It's not me apparently I can relax and get calm under certain circumstances.

[Meh]

feel too blah to write went to sleep with a headache and woke up with a headache, c'est la vie,  just slowly waking up to think about more of life's stressful problems and needing an extra cup of coffee

think I will just go walk to the library drop some books off

[Meh]

No there are no adult community pools close to me. There are only two small outdoor pools that are filled to the brim with screaming peeing children.

Today I picked up this book "Belong" from the library author Radha Agrawal. You know  to thumb through it out of curiosity. It's a little hard to accept and take it in for me personally as the start of the book is her talking about all her personal achievements, brands and companies that she owns. Also the very first page basically says we are born into a community and connected at birth (maybe not for people who have Nar parents). She is also a twin. So I don't relate to her. There is one page where she says that she decided that not having community had reached a CRISIS level in her mind. That is interesting though. Honestly for the author it kinda just sounds like one day she decided to stop acting and drinking like a college kid and grew up. Shrug.

She mentions 7th Day Adventists and for a second I thought god do I have to join a 7th Day Adventists church to find community.

I feel like I have too much going on to even think about community stuff. Also I'm kind of stressed out and in a bad mood. I guess I could fake it. I think it's hard to put community first when one is thwarting eminent disaster in other areas of life.

The author also mentions a couple studies and somehow it's extrapolated that being socially isolated is as bad for a person's health as being an alcoholic AND she points to another study that says being socially isolated is twice as bad for a person's health as obesity is. Not sure how true it is. If it's true it kinda just makes me feel worse knowing it.

Then she goes into talking about the ol positive and negative energy thing which is so freaking unscientific.

I'm probably going to thumb through the rest of the book quickly and take it straight back to the library as it doesn't interest me that much otherwise.

Be rich, act like a bubbly cheerleader and go hang out with people. Don't be judgmental but be judgmental.  Maybe that's not what she is saying but it's my impression.

Is not having community really a crisis. I guess that's a personal thing. Everybody I guess knows for themselves when is something a crisis level issue.

[sKePTiKal]

As society seems to be accelerating into a lot of clinically insane beliefs and behaviors, they also seem to be blaming people as "anti-social" for not choosing to participate in that. The positive spin on it, is "seek community" for these reasons.

I was born skeptical and a non-conformist. I'm eclectic - picking up something useful over here, wending my way over there to explore, intuitively seeking out what I think I want, and sometimes finding out what I need. I have no great need to "belong", at all. But that doesn't mean I'm anti-social; I like PEOPLE - preferably one on one, or in small groups.

Community, as a concept, manifests in a lot of different forms. This non-conforming hermit, has found community in mutually agreeable trades & exchanges & agreements with the locals here. I do business as much locally, as I can... and that's also helping. But it's not something that happens instantaneously. As I've needed help and reached out, I've also given help and treated people how I want to be treated. As just a person getting by, like everyone else. And it's for that reason that I keep certain information held very privately - my income level automatically causes some people to stereotype me, become jealous, or assign personal characteristics to me... that aren't true at all.

I think it is more objectively TRUE, that having a support network of "community" - whatever form that takes enhances well-being. Could just be a few close friends. Unrelated to each other. But it doesn't necessarily follow that all forms of community work for everyone or is a prerequisite to some perpetual "happiness" state. I'm really starting to dislike this "one size fits all" idea being applied to different people, with different needs and personalities and preferences and situations.

[Meh]

Yah Skep community does take time and you're right it doesn't predict a perpetually happy state.

[Meh]

Didn't sleep last night too much stress and adrenaline pumping, checked the clock it was 3 AM checked again it was 5 AM. So here I am "waking up" knowing I definitely shouldn't have any coffee today at all. Generally not feeling well.

Sometimes stress just happens.

[Hopalong]

[Uncontrollable unsolicited advice alert...aaaah---ooo---gahhhh! Submarine dive klaxon thingie...]

DO try my three-step sleep routine. Just once.

I am preaching to myself, as usual.

But hope you try it.

Chamomile (2 bags) + Epsom Salts bath + melatonin.

See what happens? Or not. I plead wine and extra talkativeness tonight.

Hugs
Hops

[Meh]

I've never tried melatonin. I am drinking sleepy time tea for breakfast. It's that bad.

Thank you Hops, you are very kind. Always trying to be thoughtful and helpful!

The thing is I think I have a serious anxiety disorder not all the time but when I have these heart pounding restless nights. I feel exhausted but don't sleep and then my jerk neighbors wake me up shortly after I do finally start to fall asleep.

It's just life. I've already flipped out over it and caused myself more stress with the neighbors.

I've ordered construction worker style ear muffs aka g*n range hearing protection. It might help a little with occasionally being able to take a nap. It's not really going to take the stress away.

Sometimes I feel like a non-adult for becoming so SO stressed out, it's that I'm flooded with stress hormones and I try the tactical breathing but it doesn't override what is already going on in my body.