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Meh:
Sometimes reading these books reminds me of things like issues with emotional range. It's something that I forget about Ns how little display of emotion they have all around. Or natural emotions. Or whatever its supposed to be. One wonders really what emotions they should be having at any particular time.

I would say I've been mostly tired and fed up with small doses of humor. When I read these sort of books I wonder how there is any way I could end up NOT being an N myself.

It's interesting to take a look and say well maybe I am self sabotaging, certainly my brother did. So it's not too far fetched to believe that I am too. Though in the end I think books like this sometimes make me feel worse because I can end up saying well what if the N FOO affected every aspect of my life and I'm a self-sabotaging N. Big Sigh. 

Something I can say for sure is I don't make a lot of changes to my life. I try to cling to status quo desperately. There really are a lot of GOOD things about status quo. It's like okay my head is just above whater WELL lets keep it right there forever.

I also don't psychologically have the FOO out of my head. Those f'ers are still in there.

OKAY so here is part of my issue with this book. It has a page with bullet points of so called "recovery steps". To me it comes across as something made-up. Like one individual pulled this out of thin air for the sake of writing a book, running a business. Perhaps it's simply something I don't know about. BUTTTT the thing is I haven't heard of massive amounts of scientific research done on recovery steps? I mean there must be. It must be out there because there are so many freaking things that people are trying to recover from. Research is usually done on medications, behaviors, muscles. Like ncbi there is so much info about biology. There seems to be more interest in researching things under a microscope. I really don't know as I don't work in that biz. I mean in this book there are about 50 double sided pages of recovery jargon and anecdotes. For references on the recovery section of the book she doesn't refer to research experiments. The references are movies, novels and other self help books. Can you reference a self help book as a scientific source... hahahah boof

I'm going to read it but I hate it. I resent how easy and accessible they make it seem. I just wish so called experts would bring more evidence and science, proof of something. In the end it mostly sounds like someone telling you "just smile and be positive" these five words are all you need to get through this life. It's the prescribed reframing that I find barfy. Long time ago I dutifully read the book titled "Feeling Good" David Burns. I think a therapist suggested it, man was it NOT helpful for me. It was very topical it was too much work and no results. At the time the thing that worked for me was exercise. Exercise was the working crutch.

A lot of skepticism is warranted because this all comes out of an industry that thought prozac was fantastic. Prozac just being a legal low grade lame cover up drug. I'm just going to assume I'm a Narcissist for now. I figure it's got to be similar to schizophrenic people not knowing they are.

Watched a few documentaries about Ayahuasca which make me wonder what those participants are trying to recover from exactly. Like what if they are all adult children of Nar FOO BS. Because what drives a person to that extreme. I'm not into it. I guess it's cathartic, I will give it that much. It does seem obvious that people who would do that are some type of lost and some type of seeking. If there was an accessible science based real recovery process then why aren't more people doing it.. the other side of it are people who leave their lives behind to go puke up drugs in the jungle or in someone's backyard I guess and say that it's a spiritual journey. You know funny enough it's called Mother. Mother Ayahuasca.

Pg 112 of this book says that people have a "deep sense of intelligent intution" That "We do know. We just don't listen". The author is talking about daugters of N's but the same would have to be true for N's themselves. Basically maybe they do know but they don't care enough to listen. And I don't understand where they deserve any sympathy. I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Everybody is old. Nobody can really say much about my mother to me anymore, from other family members they would say she was some kind of saint. I just don't see what she did. She always claimed she was doing so much. Mostly I saw her watch TV and drink wine and hang out exclusively with her man of choice who always supported her in hating me and my brother.

I just wonder if it would be healthier for me to go no-contact. There is something to be said for out of sight out of mind. No contact really isn't some kind of guarantee that I am going to become a better person or fix myself. Do things for myself that I need to. Be more active feel less inertia. I guess no contact reinforces the feeling and reality of separation. But it's kind of symbolic too. It's like a message to the self "hey self we are really REALLY moving on".

What if most of our reasonable expectations are also unrealistic not just about family but about life in genral. Isn't that part of the problem of N FOO it's a real process to work out what is unrealistic. And N magical thinking and denial.  You know not just unrealistic, impossible. Isn't that real cause for not giving a rip if most of ones reasonable expections are impossible. I guess it's something worth looking at. What really is possible and what isn't. But if something is impossible it also makes it unreasonable. I know I sound nuts but it makes sense to me to write this out.

On page 135 she finally says there is no cure. That would be a good thing to put at the start of the book just to get an understanding of what she is proposing but then people might not buy the book. God I am such a snot.

Meh:
Just totally ranting this is complete garbage that I think about and cycle through my head.   I'm also not convinced that having "sick" relationships is always so bad. I don't mean in terms of maintaining with the N FOO. I mean this book basically says we are either co-dependent OR dependent or osscilate between. Most relationships I think are some version of this. It's just another spectrum thing, like people who are considered functioning alchoholics, people are functioning codependents/dependents. Everywhere I look I see couples and I say to myself if it wasn't for the money in it that situation would fall apart, one person would leave and look for a new host like some kind of parasite. In all phases of life it looks more like survival is more important than being "healthy". I know my words are so terrible, warped or not sometimes I think about these things. I think a lot of people pretend it's not about the money to be socially correct. Okay maybe I am looking at bad examples. Even if I look outside my FOO. I see my nice neighbor who is married to a man who looks much older than her and she eyeballs guys running by, talks about how sexy other women's husbands are. She married an old dude for security-(codependency). My other next door neighbor I can hear him talking to his wife sometimes like she is a dog, I think they are from Pakistan or something, gee lucky her but really why does she put up with it... it's the money, they have a big house so (codependency). It is much easier to say that if someone looks successful they are "healthy" and if someone does not look successful they are "not healthy". We sort of love to hate people with problems, socially, I mean like the more problems a person has the more acceptable and deserving of hate they are, or the more okay it is.  A person will only ever be called emotionally unhealthy if they are causing a problem for someone.

Meh:
pg. 142  1) Do I continue to wish and hope that my mother will be different each time I talk to her?

For a long time I did wish. I think I quit wishing. In an effort just to get along and converse I think I get lulled back into the ROUTINE, not wishing but just playing along with it to GET ALONG. I mean if I don't play along or get along at the most rudimentary level then I'm a bitch basically is how that works out. Thinking about her too much really in the process of reading this book. It's funny for a while I look at her and go man she is SCREWED UP, then I look at myself and think man I AM SCREWED UP. Pretty much I'm just as screwed up as she is if not more so. It's so sick really.

2) Do I continue to have expections of my mother?

Yes I expect her to be the normal F'ing person she pretends to be. ... my bad

3) Have I accepted my mother for who she is?  The Narcissist in me doesn't care who the fuck she is. LOL Because I think disregard deserves disregard. I don't know who she is. Some imposter. I accept that she is broken.

4) Am I expecting someone else to meet my needs? I don't think so I'm pretty used to this.

5) Nope to this question. I don't even bother.

Hopalong:
I'm too tired to dive alllll the way in, but I don't think your ranting is garbage, G.

I think it has a purpose. There's energy in it. And insight.

I don't think you have to buy every line or come to over-optimistic conclusions to benefit from the general notion that new comprehension comes in stages or waves, change if not outright transformation is possible throughout life if you want it, etc.

You don't have to drink all the Kool-Aid, just a bit here and there from various pitchers.

I think you're asking valuable questions and sifting through what's useful and discarding what's not. As for me and books I turned to, about a quarter of them taught me life-changing ideas. Another quarter were dreck. And the remaining half weren't a waste of time even if pedestrian, because they all were like arrows, keeping me in the direction of not dying to myself, not giving up.

That's all. I used to tell folks I had a clever furniture idea: the Self-Help Book Nightstand. It'd be constructed around a fiberboard frame, with used SHBook covers decoupaged all over the entire thing: back, sides and top. (I suppose one could call it a She-Stand...ironically.)

I believed and still do that some women with a sense of humor would crack up and buy one. It'd be colorful and whimsical. You have a LOT of company, reading those books in solitude. The single, the lonely single, the lonely married, the children of Ns, the survivors of abuse, the single parents, the .... quiet multitude.

Hugs
Hops

Meh:
I know Hops it's all too much. I don't expect anybody to read it really. It just helps me to write it out I guess to the ether.

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