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Hopalong:
You get it, Tupp. Just made myself a calendar note to follow up on PT. One body part a month...it becomes a hobby! But all in all I'm doing physically a lot better. Short walks again, finally, and thanks to the meds, no chest pain -- and strength will build. I think I needed the back pain reminder that it's time now to take care of myself, not later.

My present thought about the end of life is that it's comforting and rational to think about how to escape the medical system at some point. But since it's unlikely I could manage it, and most don't, it's better to focus on rebuilding post-pandemic (one hopes) health and strength and stay in the present. So if I take rationality and subtract anxiety (much better since I'm now on a wee dose of SSRIs), life can be lived again more than avoided as I've done for quite a while, and lived more happily. I'm sitting by the SAD light now, house is looking better and winter does not need to inevitably throw me for a loop. Who knows, we might have June temperatures anyway! Another random thing is that I need symphonies again, and to fill the house with them. What did I get those great huge speakers for?

Pooch is doing well as her muzzle whitens and she's nearly fully recovered from a systemic fungal infection (another drug miracle), and in an unexpected way we're finding more joy together. More happiness every morning when we first see each other. I see her tail wag like mad from the couch as she discovers me anew every day. It's so ridiculous to be so PLEASED -- oh there you are! But it reminds me what animals teach us over and over. When it's nice out, wag your tail. When it's not, hunker down. Depressed human = depressed dog, and I had been in denial that it was happening. I'm very grateful for the SSRIs. Sometimes I don't see something in perspective until its absence feels so good.

A year ago my gardener neighbor came over and planted a little piece of a funny form of chrysanthemum that functions like a perennial even though they're not. This thing grew to the size of a fat wide shrub in one season and covered with blooms. They're a light salmon-ish pink, small blossoms but so many of them. Wonderful thing to look at right out my front window (that's just a yard from the pooch couch). And I've started feeding the ungrateful crows again. Saw a fox in my front yard in the middle of the night and realized he was enjoying the nuts they'd missed.

I'm making a real effort to drag my mind off the news and into present place and present time. Not disengaged, but trying to focus on where I can be and what I can do, and release the rest as too big for small me to change. I hope the tiny lady you saw was in some kind of sweet oblivion.

BTW and I could never prove it, but I do think the lion's mane (a mushroom reputed to help with ADD) is helping. Been on it a couple months now.

hugs
Hops

Twoapenny:
Yes!  To lion's mane, I was reading up on it and there's some really good research re concentration, calm mind etc.  I was having a decaf mushroom coffee which was lion's mane, cordyceps (I'm not sure if that's how you spell it) and something else and it did seem to lift my brain fog without giving me the hot flushes and energy crashes that normal coffee does.  I think finding the right blend of various things you can tweak to get to a good functioning place is such a big help and yes, sometimes you don't realise how bad you've been feeling until you start to feel a bit better.  It's good that you're walking again without chest pain, that's a help all around, I'm sure.  I hope you can get some relief for your back.

I honestly think having a pet is the best thing, particularly when humans are in short supply.  Pooch sounds so lovely :)  This daft cat that's moved in with us is so cute, he snuggles up and miaows at me when he wants a fuss (or food) and they just make you smile :) I love the crows and the fox visiting as well, it's amazing how quickly animals settle in alongside humans if there's food to be had and they know you're not trying to eat them!  Lol.

lighter:
Oh, Hops.... I so enjoyed your last post on this thread.  Something about your style is so satisfying for my brain to read, lol.

Ugrateful crows.

Lighter

Hopalong:
Awww, you guys.

The crows never figured out that it's me who's grateful for them! I did feel badly for the poor fox, who looked unwell (mangey). For a moment I wondered if it was a small coyote, still not absolutely certain but they are appearing here and there. If I could trap the fox I would, because without treatment that's a miserable end. Hmm.

And Pooch? I could sing songs of praise and gratitude every single day because she has made my spirits just ignite with delight, in random moments every day. I think my heart's healing from this or that, because she's always been her humorous, ready-to-love/laugh/be goofy self, and it was I who was deep in my own dark navel. I don't know when, but I'm going to plug that same gratitude into another rescued pooch one day. If can connect with animals one way or another, that's a wonderful reason to hang around.

People too, and I confess I'd stil love to find a stray rescue male one. LOL.

hugs
Hops

Twoapenny:
Lol, imagine if they had centres for unaccompanied males where you could go and have a look, get a few details, go for a walk and then pick the one you like the best :)  Lol, if only human relationships were as simple as animal ones - feed me and make a fuss of me and I'll love you forever :)  It would be so lovely xx

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